


Flight Risk

by TwoBoys2Love



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Doctor Jensen, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Jensen Ackles, M/M, Protective Jensen, Protective Jensen Ackles, Shy Jared, UST, abused jared padalecki, doctor jensen ackles, protective jeffrey dean morgan, traumatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:24:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 72,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On his way to a date with long-time "friend with benefits", JDM, Jensen hits a young, terrified man with his car. Against better judgement, he takes the man home to his place to heal. Then he has a mystery to unravel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Danneel!" Jensen pulled his stethoscope from around his neck. He shoved some papers out of the way and looked around his office for the stethoscope case. "Danneel?"  
  
The sound of high heels clicking on the hardwood floor heralded Danneel's arrival. "Yes,  _Dr._  Ackles?"  
  
Jensen froze and peered over at the door. "You only call me that when you're annoyed. Where's the case for this?" He held up the stethoscope and tried to look a little helpless.  
  
Danneel raised an eyebrow then walked slowly across the office, picked up a long wooden case off the floating bookshelf and set it down slowly in front of Jensen. "Anything else?"  
  
If Danneel wasn't the best practice manager in the world Jensen was quite certain he would have let her go the day after she started work. She was pretty sharp with him, keeping him in line when she thought he needed it.  
  
Forcing a sweet smile, Jensen pulled the case toward him and settled the stethoscope inside. "Thank you, Miss Harris. I'll be leaving shortly."  
  
Danneel tugged her suit jacket down – blue to set off her dark brown eyes – "hot date?"  
  
"Danneel."  
  
"Going. Night, Jensen."  
  
Allowing himself a small chuckle Jensen shook his head. He glanced up in time to see the subtle sashay of hips. If Danneel did it for him, Jensen would be one of the luckiest men alive. Danneel was sweet, organized, intelligent, funny, and played a mean game of tennis. She was sexy as all hell and on top of all that she was a people person.  
  
Dr. Jensen Ackles was most decidedly not a people person. Oh, he was extremely good at his job. He was thorough, precise; he kept up on all the latest research. He attended teaching conferences, worked with interns, followed up with all his patients and was indefatigable when it came to research. His career was his life.  
  
If patients became upset over bad news he buzzed for Danneel. If someone was having a difficult time understanding the medical jargon he would take them by the arm to Danneel's desk. If there was a difficult decision to be made then he would make sure Danneel was warned ahead of time so she could be available to his patient.  
  
Jensen shrugged off his white coat and hung it on the coat rack in the corner of his office. He was successful, accomplished, well off and managed to contribute a great deal to his patients’ longevity. Of course, when flowers or thank you cards came to the office they were generally addressed to Danneel. It was a minor price to pay.  
  
And, there was no hot date. Although there was a pre-arranged meet up with Jeffrey. He was a plastic surgeon based out of St. Agnes Hospital. No-strings attached: good conversation and great sex. It would be a relaxing evening.  
  
 _If_  he made it.  
  
One glance at the clock had Jensen sighing and sliding a couple of medical files into his briefcase. He was late and Jeffrey probably would only wait about half an hour before moving on to other conquests. It was all part of their agreement.  
  
Hurrying around his desk Jensen grabbed his suit jacket and slipped it on as he headed down the hall to the elevator.  
  
Danneel was still at her desk as he passed and didn't bother to look up as she called out, "Say hi to Jeffrey for me!"  
  
Oh, yes, Danneel knew just about everything as well. Definitely one of her more valuable assets when not focused on Jensen's love life.  
  
"Good _night_ , Danneel."  
  
The light and sweet sound of her laughter followed Jensen into the elevator. Normally, he would take all fourteen flights of stairs down but he might just make it to meet Jeff if he didn't waste any time.  
  
As he watched the floor numbers light up Jensen straightened his tie and smoothed down his shirt. He smirked as he thought about how wrinkled it was likely to be by about midnight.  
  
The elevator chimed softly to announce the parking garage and Jensen hurried out.  
  
Jensen pulled his keys out of his inside pocket and the alarm chirped as he unlocked the doors. He checked his watch again. Jeffrey would wait about ten more minutes.  
  
Searching his pockets as he walked, Jensen finally found his phone as he was pulling the door open on his Saab. The screen lit up as he tapped it and he scrolled through his contacts.  
  
 _Morgan, Jeffrey Dean, MD, FACS_  
  
He tapped Jeffrey's number and held the phone to his ear as he settled behind the wheel.  
  
Jeffrey's voice was rough and impatient on the other end of the call. "Ackles? I'm halfway through my lager and you know I never order two."  
  
A smile twitched onto Jensen's lips. "I'm  _sorry_ , Jeff. I had to fit in an extra consultation."  
  
"It better have been life or death because I've been looking forward to this all week."  
  
"Close." Jensen drove toward the exit and nodded at the security guard as he waited for the huge garage door to grind and clang its way open.  
  
"Irina called from the Ryerson Theatre. The Royal ballet is in town and their principal dancer twisted her ankle."  
  
The sound of Jeffrey's deep chuckle made a little shiver of anticipation skitter down Jensen's arms. Jeffrey was the perfect  _friend with benefits_ ; he was old enough to know what he wanted, laid back enough to not need the security of commitment and he was, as Danneel would put it,  _hot_.  
  
"So, it was the life and death of the arts," Jeff said.  
  
It was Jensen's turn to laugh. "I suppose you could say that. Listen, Jeff. I'm sorry. I'm more than halfway there now. I promise, no more than fifteen minutes."  
  
"Only for you, Ackles." There was a burr in Jeffrey's tone that made Jensen lick his lips.  
  
"Drink your beer  _slowly_ ," Jensen replied then tapped the screen to end the call.  
  
He shook his head and smiled fondly. The thing was, Jeff really wouldn’t wait more than about fifteen minutes. He might be a laid back guy but sex was high on his list of things to do (or so he'd informed Jensen many times.)  
  
The engine roared a little louder as Jensen pressed the accelerator down. After all, if he got pulled over he could always play the _physician_  card. It usually worked.  
  
The phone he'd all but forgotten in his hand rang loudly and Jensen started. The slick glass of it slid from his fingers and the phone fell to the floor mat with a thud.  
  
Jensen swore softly and shifted over until he could reach down and grab it. With his luck it would be Jeff calling to say he'd finished his beer and decided to head over to B.J.'s. Jensen hated gay clubs but B.J.'s wasn't too bad. It wasn't quite the meat market that some of them were.  
  
He only looked down for a couple of seconds – curious about the number that had shown up. It  _was_  Jeff and when Jensen looked back up he grinned for about two seconds.  
  
The thing about accidents is that they defy the laws of time and physics. They happen in fast forward and slow motion at the same time.  
  
At first glance, all Jensen saw was a jacket, a mess of brown hair and somewhere inside his mind a warning registered.  
  
A man was running. He was running fast and he just darted out in front of the Saab. One second he wasn't there – the next he was slamming against the hood and rolling up the windshield.  
  
Adrenaline surged into Jensen's bloodstream as he slammed on the brakes. The car skidded to a halt – again it was too fast and too slow – and the screeching of the tires echoed on and on in Jensen's ears.  
  
He barely had time to suck in a breath and the man was rolling back down the hood like a heap of laundry – loose and broken.  
  
Swearing, Jensen slammed the car into park and flung his door open. His legs felt weak, his hands shaking.  
  
 _Jesus Christ, he'd hit someone._  
  
He ran around the car and crouched down by the lifeless-looking body. His fingers checked the man's neck for a pulse before he did anything else. – strong and steady, if a little fast. Without even thinking he checked the back and sides of the man's neck, ran his fingers down the groove of his spine.  
  
"Fuck," he whispered. As he leaned forward he could see a deep cut on the man's forehead, road rash down his cheek. His right arm was bent at a strange angle. The man's t-shirt was torn down the side, blood seeping slowly into the tattered material. As absurd as it was, Jensen couldn’t help wondering why anyone would run around in a t-shirt in March carrying a jacket. He even looked around for the jacket which had somehow ended up about ten feet away.  
  
A low moan brought Jensen's from his thoughts.  
  
The man pulled his arm out from under his body and made a sound between a cry of pain and a whimper.  
  
"Hey, stay still. I'm a doctor. You were in an accident and need you to stay as still as you can." Jensen's heart was pounding as he held the man's shoulders to try and keep him there.  
  
Frightened hazel eyes peered up at Jensen and the man struggled as though he was trying to sit up.  
  
"Please," Jensen said more firmly. "I need you  _not_  to move. I need to-" He looked around. His phone was still in the car.  
  
The man on the pavement shifted again. "I'm fine," he murmured. His eyes were searching the park beside the road, his fingers curling into the unforgiving pavement.  
  
"You're  _not_  fine, just be still for a few moments." Jensen looked over his shoulder, surprised that there was no one else on the street. So much for neighbourhood watch.  
  
The man pushed up onto his elbows and winced as he knee dragged over the pavement. "Sorry," he said softly.  
  
For the briefest moment Jensen wanted to laugh; he hadn't expected an apology. And then he tried to stand only to find his wrist captured in the man's grasp. Frowning, he looked down into those frightened eyes. "I just need to get my phone and call 911."  
  
"N-No," the man rasped. His gaze swept across the first hill in the park again before settling back on Jensen's face.  
  
"What?" Jensen's mind went a thousand different directions at once. "Is this about insurance? I'll cover the medical. It's the least I can do."  
  
The man looked a little bewildered and then cast his gaze down. "No. I. No. No hospitals. I'll be fine."  
  
Even with a weak voice the man sounded adamant.  
  
Jensen looked around. Still no one on the street. The man's neck and back seemed fine – but he needed an MRI or an x-ray, at the very least.  
  
But there were advantages involved in no trip to the hospital. There would be no police asking uncomfortable questions. No long trip to the E.R. Everyone at the hospital would get a  _great_  deal of pleasure out of mocking Jensen for weeks.  
  
"Please?"  
  
If Jensen hadn't looked down he might have made a different decision. When their eyes met Jensen felt something melt a little inside of him. The man was young, in his twenties, his eyes were slanted  _just enough_  to make him look a little exotic. His hair was too long and from what Jensen could see the guy would be taller than him – and  _what_  was he even thinking?  
  
"Please," the man said again.  
  
He was terrified. It had been a long time since Jensen had seen that kind of fear on someone's face. This was more than not wanting to go the hospital. The fear written on the man's face was the look of someone who was running  _from_  something.  
  
"Fuck," Jensen whispered. This was Danneel's thing – the people part. Probably the guy had done something stupid – made a poor choice and was paying the consequences. He needed someone to listen to him, someone to buy him a little time.  
  
The long, thin, fingers tightened around Jensen's wrist and he sighed. "Okay. Listen … I won't take you to the hospital. I'll take you home and we can-"  
  
Panic seemed to rip through the man's body like a tidal wave. He wrenched himself away from Jensen and slammed back against the bumper of the car before letting out a weak cry. The wound on his side clearly needed to be tended to and as soon as he'd moved blood had started flowing from the gash on his forehead again. For a moment it looked as though he might just regain his footing and take off at a run again but then his face paled as his weight came down on his right foot.  
  
Jensen barely had time to stand and reach out before the man was swaying and topping toward him. He was right, the guy was tall – probably well over six feet and he was heavier than he looked. The full weight of him slumped in Jensen's arms and they sank back down to the ground. Slipping his arms under the man's shoulders, Jensen tried to hold him still – not that there continued to be much point to that. " _Okay,_  look – you need some treatment and-"  
  
"Please, don't take me there," was the last thing the man managed to get out before he was unconscious in Jensen's arms.  
  
"Fuck" Clearly the man was refusing treatment at the hospital and Jensen had no idea where he lived.  
  
It took Jensen the better part of ten minutes to get the wounded man into the backseat of his car. He spread out the emergency blanket first; after all, there was no point in ruining the leather upholstery. Moving patients wasn’t something that Jensen did … at all; there were staff at the clinic to assist patients with mobility.  
  
After a few moments assessing the man’s injuries once more, Jensen pulled him up into his arms as best he could and managed to half carry, half drag him to the back seat. The man was still breathing and his color was good – at least he wasn’t likely to die on the way to Jensen’s house.  
  
The man's jacket pockets were empty when Jensen checked for I.D. and there was no wallet in his jeans. Wherever it was he’d run from he’d done so in in a hurry.  
  
Still, there was really no choice but to take the man home with him. At least, that’s what Jensen convinced himself of. The man was in no immediate danger and when he was conscious again they could discuss his care. Jensen would be spared the embarrassment of having his colleagues know about the accident and he could certainly take care of anything urgent that may come up. The hospital wasn’t far away.  
  
Jensen shrugged a shoulder uselessly and closed the car door.  
  
The stranger didn't make a sound as Jensen retraced his earlier drive. As he drove past the street his practice was on he thought briefly about calling Danneel. She'd know what to do and if the guy was in a panic when he woke up she's be  _just_  the person to have near.  
  
But. Danneel would question Jensen's decision. After all – what kind of physician would abide by a clearly concussed patient's request to stay away from the hospital?  
  
There was just something about the stranger's eyes; there was a kind of desperation within them that Jensen wasn't sure he understood. Things that he didn't understand were things he liked to figure out. That insatiable curiosity has been partially responsible for his choice to attend medical school.  
  
Relief slowed Jensen's heartbeat a little when he turned onto his quiet cul-de-sac. He reached up and pressed the button on the garage door opener then turned to peer into the back seat.  
  
The injured man was still out cold. His sandy brown hair had flopped down over his eyes and his cheeks had regained a little color.  
  
"What the  _hell_  were you running from?" Jensen shook his head slightly then turned to pull the car into the garage.  
  
As soon as the garage door clunked heavily against the concrete Jensen was in motion.  
  
He turned off the house alarm and unlocked the door. The very last thing he needed was someone from the security company arriving while he was hauling an unconscious man into his home.  
  
"Get you inside then maybe we should get Danneel over here," Jensen muttered.  
  
Dredging up some long-forgotten techniques from med school Jensen moved the injured man closer to the edge of the back seat. He took a knee and managed to get the man into his arms.  
  
The trip into the house and then to the guest bedroom was a bit challenging. By the time he was setting his impromptu guest on the bed Jensen found that he was very glad he'd been working out.  
  
"Now what?" Jensen sank gratefully onto the edge of the bed. "I'm going to clean up the lacerations. See if you require any stitches." It was automatic to speak to his  _patient_  that way; they should always know what a physician was going to do. It was just that, usually, they were conscious.  
  
Of course, there was no response.  
  
So Jensen let the comfortable mask of professionalism slide into place. He removed the man's pants and the tattered remnants of his shirt. He'd been right; the wound down the man's side was probably the worst. But this certainly wasn't the first time the man had been injured. The upper part of his abdomen was discoloured by bruises that were already yellowing as they healed. There were burn marks on his forearms and light scars that ran across his chest.  
  
"You've been through the wars," Jensen murmured.  
  
It seemed like the kind of situation that could get complicated very quickly. Complicated wasn't Jensen's forte.  
  
He worked steadily until the man's abrasions were cleaned and bandaged. Butterfly sutures held the deeper wounds closed and white gauze wrapped the man's thighs and forearm. Jensen settled for cleaning and closing the deeper wound along the man's rib cage.  
  
Jensen rested the backs of his fingers against the man's forehead and wasn't pleased to find he was a little warm.  
  
When he finally pushed up from the bed he groaned; the muscles in his back protesting. He had no idea how long he'd been back home.  
  
"Jeff.  _Shit._ " Jensen yanked his phone out of his pocket and saw that he'd missed three calls; the calls were all from Jeff.  
  
Without checking his voicemail Jensen pulled up Jeff's number and hit send.  
  
Jeff didn't bother with pleasantries. "You fucked up my night, Ackles."  
  
"I'm  _so_  sorry, Jeff. Something really urgent came up. It was all rather sudden and this is the first chance I've had to call." He kept his voice low and paced over to the window.  
  
"Everything okay?" Jeff's tone softened and Jensen smiled.  
  
"Yeah. I think so. Just one of those things that comes out of the blue. I really am sorry-"  
  
Jeff laughed quietly. "I  _know_  you are. We'll try next week. You sure you're good?"  
  
Jensen rubbed his tired eyes. "I'm good. Sorry if I, you know, interrupted something."  
  
"You did. A fine chardonnay and the episode of the Late Late Show that I DVR'd." He laughed again.  
  
"Okay. Thanks Jeff. I'll call you early next week?"  
  
"You bet, Tiger."  
  
"Tiger?" In spite of the evening's more sombre note Jensen found himself grinning.  
  
"Just a pet name," Jeff said. "Don't let it go to your head."  
  
"Night, Jeff."  
  
"Night."  
  
Once the call was finished the silence of the room felt a little too close and Jensen shifted nervously. What the  _hell_ was he supposed to do with a complete stranger in his house?  
  
Instead of spending the rest of his  _spoiled_  evening watching the man … breathe … Jensen decided to get some patient files updated. He was getting much better at using the iPad Danneel had set up for him and it actually wasn’t the chore it once was.  
  
He dozed off at some point, bored by the standard notes he was making. Even an email from Jeff with some rather lascivious suggestions hadn’t been enough to keep Jensen awake. No doubt, it was the tension of the evening.  
  
Then everything changed rather suddenly.  
  
The mysterious young man didn't really  _regain consciousness_  so much as  _throw himself off of the bed._  
  
Jensen's heart leapt to high speed and he fell to one knee as he struggled to stop from falling off his chair completely. The iPad skittered across the floor and the sweater Jensen had grabbed a few hours earlier was thrown clear over his shoulder.  
  
By the time he managed to look up again the other man was sprawled in the nearest corner of the room, his arms were thrown wide, palms pressed to the wall behind him as he panted.  
  
Something made Jensen's chest tight and sore. What had to happen to someone to make them wake up like that? Holding his hands up Jensen stayed on his knee and tried to breathe his way through some of the tension that was tightening his entire body once more. "Hey – I know you're probably confused. You're okay. You're safe."  
  
Even though the young man started at the sound of Jensen's voice he didn't make eye contact. In fact, he seemed to be surveying the room for a way to leave. Jensen figured he was too terrified to notice his injuries.  
  
While the young man looked around the room Jensen leaned down slightly. "I'm Jensen Ackles, I’m a doctor. This is my house. You were – you ran in front of … my car. I hit you – It was an accident of course." He still felt incredibly guilty. It was fine to think that the guy had just darted out in front of him but Jensen  _knew_  his insurance was going to suffer when they finally left for the hospital.  
  
The young man's eyes widened and he lowered his hands slowly. He rubbed at his bare thighs and his hands froze as they reached the bandages.  
  
"You're okay, as far as I can tell. I did what I could. I bandaged you up, cleaned the cuts. Nothing seems broken but,  _God_  , I'm so sorry. You’ve got, at least, a badly sprained ankle, probably a torn tendon in your arm…”  
  
Finally, the man looked up. His hazel eyes were watery, puffy, a bruise already dark on his cheek and jaw. The hair on the side of his head was a little matted. "Y-You didn't take me to the hospital."  
  
Not knowing quite what to do Jensen shook his head slowly. "You were conscious when I – right after the accident. You were quite clear that you didn’t want to go to the hospital. It was against all good judgment to bring you here, I know, but you looked terrified. It's really no trouble; I can take you there now-"  
  
"No!" As tall as he was the young man managed to make himself all but disappear into a ball of limbs as he curled up protectively.  
  
"Okay. Okay. No problem. You can stay here." What else was Jensen going to say?  _I'm sorry I hit you with my car but could you leave so I can get on with my life?_  
  
Nothing he said seemed to calm the other man down at all so Jensen leaned on the chair and pulled himself up. "You thirsty? Need something for pain? Ice?"  
  
Nothing but the slightest shake of a shaggy-haired head.  
  
Jensen sighed and sat down on the edge of his chair again. "You gotta help me out here a little. I can't keep you here if I don't know that you're safe. Hippocratic oath and all that."  
  
The hazel eyes peered at Jensen from over the top of a bare arm.  
  
"What's your name?" Jensen added a slight smile.  
  
It was silent for the span of a few heartbeats.  
  
"Jay – Jared." The young man blinked a few times and then the rest of his face appeared as he slowly unfolded his body.  
  
"Jared. Nice name." There was clearly no point in pushing for a last name so Jensen simply nodded and leaned back a little. "Are you hurting, Jared?"  
  
Jared nodded and winced slightly as he tried to straighten his legs out in front of him.  
  
"Can I help you back onto the bed?" Even as the words left Jensen's lips he remained as still as he could. Jared was about as skittish as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs. Jensen's grandpa had always said that and Jensen had never quite been sure of the look before that morning.  
  
The Adam's apple in Jared's neck bobbed a few times as he swallowed and then he nodded. He moved quickly again, struggling to try and stand on his sprained ankle and clearly suffering a great deal of pain.  
  
"Hey, hey, slow down." Jensen hurried over and slipped an arm under Jared's to take most of his weight. Jared was tall enough that his arm slipped right over Jensen’s shoulders and he was able to step forward tentatively.  
  
Jensen eased Jared down to the mattress and kneeled down in front of him to straighten some of the bandages that had come loose. "Don't want these to get infected or anything," he murmured. It seemed that Jared was trying to keep as much distance as possible between them.  
  
"Was I alone?" Jared's voice was rough and Jensen suspected the man's throat was dry.  
  
"Alone?" Jensen hadn't seen anyone at the site of the accident. It was far too late for there to be people out walking and late enough that traffic was at a minimum. He hadn't seen any witnesses or light peeking out from behind drawn curtains. "I didn't see anyone."  
  
A bit of the tension seemed to ease out of Jared's body; his shoulders slumped and his lashes fluttered closed.  
  
"Okay. I think you've gotta lie down again."  
  
Jared nodded as he settled back into the bed. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.  
  
A frown marred Jensen's features for a few moments. He lowered Jared to the mattress and then tenderly lifted the man's feet up onto the quilt. "No need to be sorry."  
  
"I'm sorry," Jared whispered. His cheeks were a little flushed and he turned his face to the side as though he wanted to keep listening. He lost the battle to stay awake quickly and Jensen blew out a nervous breath.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
When Jensen finally checked his watch it was only 10 PM. It felt much later. After debating with himself for a few moments Jensen retrieved his phone and slipped out of the guest room to phone Danneel.  
  
Luck wasn’t with him and she answered her home phone number. He had, perhaps, phoned it with the hope that she would be out on a Thursday night.  
  
“Jensen? Why didn’t you call my cell? Is everything alright?”  
  
Jensen laughed softly. That seemed to be the question of the evening. “I’m fine. I just had – something came up. Listen, I know it’s short notice and you’ll bear the brunt of it but I need to cancel my appointments tomorrow.  
  
“Cancel?” Danneel’s voice was a little higher than Jensen was used to.  
  
“Yes. Just Friday’s appointments for now. If I have to spend some more time here I’ll get a locum.”  
  
“A locum?” Danneel sounded decidedly concerned. “What’s going on, Jensen? Are you ill?”  
  
“No, no. I’m fine. I’ve got – just there’s an issue I have to deal with here tomorrow. I’ll keep in touch.” The muscles across Jensen’s shoulders were aching and he rubbed at them absent-mindedly.  
  
There was silence for a few moments and Jensen sighed. “Danneel? I’m fine. I would tell you if there was something wrong with me. I just have a situation here that I need to clear up.”  
  
“Alright,” Danneel said hesitantly. “But I’m calling you tomorrow and you owe me coffee. Mr. Kezema is  _not_  going to take kindly to having his appointment cancelled.”  
  
“Coffee and flowers, and some of those chocolates you like.” Jensen was  _not_  a foolish man.  
  
“As it should be,” Danneel said. She sounded a little less tense and Jensen was relieved.  
  
“Have a good night, and  _don’t_  worry.”  
  
“Me?” Danneel’s laughter was light and airy. “Night, Dr. Ackles.”  
  
“Night, Miss Harris.”  
  
As he tossed his phone onto the sofa Jensen shook his head and smiled.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Jensen ordered some food and then headed back down the hall to check on Jared. The man was still out cold, breathing deeply and still quite warm to the touch. Easing down as gently as he could onto the edge of the bed, Jensen ran his gaze down Jared’s chest. The pale skin was covered in healing bruises and there seemed to be an unusual amount of scars.  
  
Jared was probably in his late twenties, maybe about four or five years younger than Jensen. It looked as though he worked out; his muscles were clearly defined, his abs visible even as he just lay there. He might have been a little too thin but Jensen knew nothing about his metabolism or diet.  
  
He was attractive. Jensen rolled his shoulders as though he could brush of the guilt that nipped at him for even noticing. He’d been right about Jared’s eyes; they lent an exotic quality to his face. There were high cheekbones, a couple of rather charmingly placed moles and a scruffy day’s growth of beard on his chin and cheeks.  
  
None of that was a medical observation and Jensen forced his gaze back to the healing injuries on Jared’s body. There were weeks of bruises and some of them looked bad enough to have caused rib fractures at least. There were many domestic situations in which abuse could develop. It was conceivable that Jared could be living with a parent even at his age, but Jensen worried it was more likely that he was living with an abusive partner. One of the bruises on Jared’s chest was decidedly  _fist_ shaped and Jensen suspected the abuser to be male.  
  
But it was all speculation. Jensen was beginning to realize that he  _needed_  to get Jared to a hospital and connect him with a social worker or counsellor. He shook his head sadly and reached over to pull a blanket over Jared.  
  
Jared’s injuries were just another thing to add to Jensen’s rather extensive list of reasons why relationships were  _not_  a good choice. He might be a little  _socially-challenged_  (Danneel’s phrase, not his) but he couldn’t conceive of caring about someone so much that he would let them brutalize him. There was no way he would live a life that someone else controlled. It was as simple as that.  
  
The doorbell rang and Jensen headed back down the hall. At least he could have some good food and, hopefully, feed some to Jared if he woke up.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Jensen nudged the guest bedroom door open with his elbow. After eating his own dinner he'd reheated some miso soup and made some tea to take into Jared. It seemed more like something he would do for a houseguest but the entire situation had him at a bit of a loss.  
  
When he looked up he found Jared staring at him and smiled nervously. "Thought you might like some food. Just soup. A drink?"  
  
He hesitated there by the door for a few moments then when Jared just blinked a few times Jensen moved further inside. "It's just miso soup – I ordered in – and some tea. How are you feeling?"  
  
After a silence that went on  _just_  long enough to be uncomfortable Jared shrugged and let out a sigh. "I'm okay."  
  
Jensen didn't think his guest  _looked_  okay. Sweat was beading on Jared's forehead and his cheeks were flushed. Either he was in pain or he had a fever – neither of which was a particularly good sign.  
  
Jensen pushed the chair toward the bed with his foot and then sat down and slid the tray across the quilt toward Jared. "Here. If you feel like it, eat something. Are you in pain?"  
  
Eyes widening slightly, Jared looked down at the tray and shook his head. Straight, white teeth slipped over his bottom lip and he reached out hesitantly for the mug of tea. He held the cup up to his nose and sniffed it then took a sip. "Thanks," he murmured.  
  
"You look like you're in a bit of pain." Jensen reached out to feel Jared's forehead and froze when the man flinched back from the touch. "Just checking your temperature," he said softly.  
  
The tea had spilled over Jared's hand and he rubbed at it before putting the mug back down on the tray. "I'm okay," he answered softly.  
  
This kind of thing was  _definitely_  Danneel's area. "Listen, I have this colleague I could call. A friend, really-"  
  
"No," Jared said quickly. After a quick glance at Jensen's face he rubbed at his forehead and frowned. "No thank you. I'm – I can go soon."  
  
Pressing his lips together Jensen nodded sceptically. Jared looked anything but ready to get on his feet and go anywhere. "You look to me like you're in some pain. Do you have a problem with drugs?"  
  
"A what?" Jared looked up and shifted restlessly on the bed.  
  
"A problem with drugs. Is that why you don't want pain medication?" Jensen couldn't think of another valid reason for refusing pain medication when quite obviously in pain.  
  
Jared shook his head slightly.  
  
"Allergies?"  
  
Another shake of Jared's head was the only answer Jensen got.  
  
Frustration gnawed at Jensen and he clasped his hands together as he leaned forward. "Okay, Jared. This isn't going very well. I'm a Doctor and I hit you with my vehicle. You are clearly injured and I've displayed questionable judgement by bringing you here. If you won't allow me to help you then I'm going to have to insist that we call an ambulance and move you to the hospital.  
  
The expression on Jared's face went from startled to frightened very quickly and Jensen  _almost_  regretted being quite so blunt.  
  
"No. I'm sorry. I – I just don't like the way the pills make me feel." Jared's voice wavered slightly and he rubbed at the stubble on his cheek.  
  
It was a start. Jensen raised his eyebrows and fixed Jared with his gaze.  
  
Jared shifted, picked up the mug of tea then hesitated when it was almost at his lips. "My leg really hurts. The left one. My arm is aching and my head… my head feels all achy and weird."  
  
As Jensen watched Jared drank down half of the tea then put the mug back on the tray. He didn't seem interested in the soup.  
  
Jensen smiled slightly. "Okay. How about something mild? Something that can take the edge off the pain?"  
  
A bead of sweat trailed slowly down Jared's neck until he rubbed at the flushed skin. "I don't have to go to the hospital?"  
  
If Jensen were smart he would lie then go straight out to the living room and call an ambulance service. There was no rational reason to believe anything Jared was saying, there was only the  _feeling_  that the man was telling the truth..  
  
"You don't have to go to the hospital," Jensen said. "For now."  
  
His words seemed to relax Jared a little. Oh, he still looked ready to bolt at the first available opportunity but he actually looked up and made eye contact.  
  
Jensen had been right.  _Exotic_  was a word that was a fitting description of Jared.  
  
"Yes, please," Jared said softly.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"The mild – pain med. Please."  
  
"Yes. Of course." Jensen reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small blister pack then set it on the tray. "Here. Take two."  
  
Jared picked up the package and examined it before popping the pill out and swallowing it with some tea. "Thank you."  
  
"Do you live here in L.A.?"  
  
The guarded look was back on Jared's face. "Yes."  
  
"Why don't you want to go to the hospital?" Jensen figured he had nothing to lose by pressing. Jared probably had about ten minutes before he would begin to get drowsy. The medication wasn't exactly  _mild_  but Jensen could live with the mistruth because he could see that Jared was in pain.  
  
Jared clearly his throat and studied Jensen's face. "I. There's someone I don't want to find me."  
  
"Are the police looking for you?"  
  
Jared looked confused. "The police?"  
  
"Have you – Are you wanted by the police?" If Jared was some sort of felon, Jeff would  _kill_  himself laughing when he found out about Jensen's plight.  
  
But Jared was shaking his head a little too vigorously then wincing before saying, "Nothing like that."  
  
"Surely you can see why I'm a bit concerned about all this." Jensen gestured weakly toward the bed.  
  
"Concerned? No. I mean." Jared sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "I'm not in any kind of police trouble. No drugs. No-" he shrugged.  
  
"Okay." Jensen smoothed the front of his shirt down. At least they'd made some progress even if it  _was_  like pulling teeth. He still wasn't convinced everything was above board but there wasn't much he could do about it.  
  
"Padalecki," Jared muttered.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Last name."  
  
"Oh. Good. Okay." A little more progress. "I'm Jensen Ackles. Not sure if you remember me telling you. I'm a doctor and, unfortunately, the person who was driving the car that hit you."  
  
Even though Jared nodded he was already looking sleepy and Jensen wasn't sure how much he was absorbing.  
  
"Could you stay here?"  
  
"Pardon me?" Jensen folded his arms.  
  
"If I sleep," Jared said quietly. "Could you stay here for a while?"  
  
People didn't usually ask to prolong their time with Jensen. That was the kind of thing that happened to Danneel. "I can. I suppose I can stay here until you fall asleep. Is that what you mean?"  
  
Jared nodded slightly, lashes already falling to his cheeks. He murmured something too quietly to be heard.  
  
Leaning a little closer Jensen spoke softly. "What did you say?"  
  
"Feels safer," Jared whispered.  
  
Jensen couldn't be faulted for the look of complete disbelief on his face. He knew nothing about the man in front of him – they were strangers and yet, the fragile bond they'd forged seemed more comforting to Jared than what he'd left behind him.  
  
"You must have a  _hell_  of a past," Jensen muttered. As he watched, Jared's brow furrowed briefly then relaxed.  
  
After a quick look around the room Jensen found his iPad under the edge of the chair. He tapped his finger nervously on the edge of it as he watched Jared breathe for a little while. He licked his lips, rubbed at the back of his neck and shrugged even though no one could see him.  
  
It couldn't hurt to take a few days off – in case things with Jared went a little strange.  
  
Jensen tapped out a quick text message to Danneel saying he wouldn't be in for at least four days then settled down to read some research papers.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
As soon as Jensen bolted upright in bed he thought a couple of things. He figured that if Jared was going to spend more than one night there was a good possibility a prescription for Valium would be in his  _own_  future. Then, while hopping on one foot as he tried to pull on a pair of well-loved jeans and head toward his bedroom door – he thought about how incredibly and satisfyingly  _routine_  his life had been just thirty-six hours before.  
  
It certainly wasn't a normal thing to wake up to a loud crash and the sound of a woman's scream.  
  
When he finally managed to get his bedroom door open he could see a rather flustered looking Danneel pressed back against the wall in the hallway.  
  
“Danneel?” Jensen’s voice betrayed the fact that he’d just woken up and he saw Danneel’s gaze narrow.  
  
“Jensen Ackles.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You could have just  _told_  me.”  
  
“Told you what?” It was far too early in the morning for Jensen to understand anything.  
  
“You know,” Danneel said. She finally relaxed slightly and set about straightening her body-clinging black dress. “That you had a man here,” she said conspiratorially.  
  
Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. It was  _definitely_  too early for Danneel. It wasn’t like he’d had the best night’s sleep – he’s stayed in the guest room with Jared until- “Jared!”  
  
Before the name was even completely past his lips Jensen was looking at the open guest room door.  
  
“Nice name,” Danneel murmured. “He’s over there.” She gestured toward the end of the hallway where Jared was barely visible as he peered around the corner.  
  
“Are you okay?” Jensen strode down the hallway toward his guest until Danneel caught up to him and grabbed his arm.  
  
“Glass,” she said hurriedly.  
  
There was, in fact, glass all over the hardwood floor lying in a puddle of what looked like water. “Did you throw something at him?”  
  
For a brief moment Danneel looked surprised then her expression turned stony. “Are you seriously going to stand there half-naked and accuse me of  _throwing_  something at your flavor of the week?”  
  
Jensen’s eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. “He’s not – I’m not saying-“  
  
“He hit me with his car,” Jared interjected. Even though his voice was soft, Jensen and Danneel both froze.  
  
“You  _what_?” Danneel emphasized her words with two punches to Jensen ‘s upper arm.  
  
He decided that the Valium would be a necessity or, at least, some stronger painkillers.  
  
“Danneel, Listen-“  
  
“It wasn’t deliberate,” Jared said quickly.  
  
Danneel’s face took on that softness that she usually reserved for children and little old ladies. Before Jensen realized what was happening, she was skirting around the glass and heading towards Jared.  
  
By that point, Jensen’s head was throbbing and he was rather confused. “Why is there glass all over the place?”  
  
Judging by the glare he received from Danneel it was one of  _those_  times when he was being insensitive.  
  
“That was me. I’m sorry.” Jared shrugged and slid around the corner. He was leaning heavily against the wall and Jensen was surprised the man could put any weight on his foot at all.  
  
“You shouldn’t be up,” Jensen barked.  
  
Jared’s face paled and he looked like he was starting to get skittish again. Jensen wished he could take the words back. “  
  
“I was thirsty. It was water.” Jared gestured weakly at the floor. “Your – she surprised me.”  
  
Danneel held her hands out as Jared tried to limp along the wall. “You should have given him water,” she hissed at Jensen.  
  
“Well,  _you_  shouldn’t have used your key.” It was a weak retort but all Jensen could come up with.  
  
Jared looked back and forth between them.  
  
Danneel hovered in front of Jared as though she was ready to catch him should he pitch forward at any moment. “Is he hurt? Are you hurt, Jared? I’m Danneel, by the way.”  
  
Jared leaned back a little and Jensen had to fight not to smile. The entire situation was completely ridiculous. Then he noticed the sweat beading on Jared’s forehead.  
  
Stepping in front of Danneel Jensen didn’t wait for Jared’s answer. He tucked himself under Jared’s arm and grabbed hold of his slim waist. “Come on.”  
  
Jared leaned heavily on Jensen as they negotiated the broken glass and made it back to the guest room without further incident.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Jared said as he settled gingerly back onto the bed.  
  
“Nothing to worry about,” Jensen said quietly. He helped lift Jared’s legs back onto the bed. “Danneel can be very terrifying.”  
  
“I can  _hear_  you,” came the reply from the hallway.  
  
When Jensen glanced up he was certain he saw Jared’s lips twitch up slightly.  
  
“I’m going to clean up the glass and get you a drink, okay? Do you need some more medication?”  
  
Without saying anything else, Jared nodded. His eyes flicked to the sounds now coming from the hallway.  
  
“I can clean it up, Danneel!” Jensen called over his shoulder. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he padded back out of the room.  
  
“Almost finished,” Danneel muttered as she swept up the last of the glass.  
  
Jensen didn’t want to know why she knew where the cleaning supplies were in his house. He didn’t like people in his house – it was an extension of his personal space and he was selective about who was admitted.  
  
Jensen headed into his bedroom and grabbed a shirt to pull on. “He’s going to be fine,” he whispered when he was back at Danneel’s side.  
  
“Why did you hit him?”  
  
“It’s not like I planned it!” Jensen didn’t mean to sound quite as indignant as he had. “I was looking down at a message from Jeff-“  
  
Danneel smacked Jensen’s arm again and stalked off down the hallway with the dustpan.  
  
For a few moments, Jensen stood there wondering when things had become so complicated. “ _Stop_  hitting me,” he muttered to himself as he finally trailed after Danneel.  
  
“Why isn’t he at the hospital?” Leave it to Danneel to get right to the meat of the issue.  
  
This was the part Jensen wasn’t looking forward to. “He didn’t want to go.”  
  
“That’s ridiculous. Do you know how risky this is? You’re a physician –“  
  
“I know, I know.”  
  
“What were you thinking?”  
  
Jensen had asked himself the very same questions more than once while he was watching Jared fall asleep the night before. “He just. He looked terrified, Danneel. There was just something about the look on his face.”  
  
Danneel sank down onto one of the chair at the kitchen table. “You’ve seen frightened people before, Jensen.”  
  
“This was different.” Jensen sat down opposite Danned and sighed. “I think his case is  _complicated_.”  
  
“Complicated?”  
  
“Complicated.”  
  
Danneels delicate swoop of an eyebrow lifted. “What have you gotten yourself into?”  
  
Jensen frowned and turned to look out the window. Her question was the golden question. “I just didn’t have the heart to force him to go to the hospital. He clearly had … some issues. I think it might be a good thing that he’s here.”  
  
“A good thing?” Danneel looked sceptical and Jensen couldn’t really blame her.  
  
“Danneel, you’ll just have to take my word for it. When I examined him-“  
  
“You  _examined_  him?”  
  
“Yes – I  _hit_  him with my car! Did you miss that part?”  
  
Danneel threaded her fingers together and took a deep breath. “Jensen, you’re taking on responsibility for a patient’s care without the appropriate… anything.” She looked a little exasperated.  
  
Nothing that Danneel was pointing out hadn’t already occurred to Jensen. He had certainly put himself out on a limb but there was just  _something_  about Jared. “I know, Danneel. Look, it just happened. He was terrified. Someone. I mean.” Jensen sighed.  
  
Danneel reached out and squeezed Jensen’s hand. “Jensen. I don’t mean to pry but aren’t you in over your head here? You’re usually, well, less-than-enthusiastic about direct patient care-“  
  
“I care. For them,” Jensen spat out. She was right but that certainly didn’t make it any easier to hear.  
  
“I know you do. That’s not what I mean. But, I could just go in there and have a chat with him and convince him that the hospital is the best course of action.”  
  
There it was. Right there. Danneel was handing Jensen his exit strategy. If anyone could talk Jared into a hospital room it was the stunning woman sitting across from him. Jensen ran a hand through his hair and slid his palm down his face.  
  
Jared could still be admitted through emergency. It wouldn’t take an E.R. attending long to deduce that Jared had no serious injuries from the car accident. They would easily identify his older wounds and the potential for domestic abuse. There would be a psych consult. Jared would probably deny everything. The staff would call his next of kin. Within 48 hours from the moment Jensen had first seen Jared – the man would be back in the situation he’d been so afraid to return to.  
  
“No,” Jensen said softly.  
  
“No, what?” Danneel had a bewildered smile on her face.  
  
“I’m fine here. We’re fine here. I’ll make sure he’s taken care of today and then we’ll see.”  
  
There was a distinctly surprised expression on Danneel’s face. Why wouldn’t there be? Bringing Jared to his home had been ridiculous in the first place. Allowing a stranger to stay with him was ludicrous.  
  
Jensen pressed his lips together for a few moments.  
  
They were silent for a while then Danneel leaned back in her chair. “Do  _not_  get involved with him, Jensen.”  
  
“Involved?” Jensen knew that his cheeks were getting red. Guilt wasn’t the problem. He wasn’t  _actually_  so insane that he would even  _try_  to get involved with Jared. There was no denying the man was attractive. He was very much Jensen’s physical  _type_  and maybe, it was a bit embarrassing to have even noticed that. After all, running someone down wasn’t a great starting point for a relationship.  
  
“Just. Be careful.”  
  
“Danneel? I am always careful and, surely you know me well enough by now to have confidence that I wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t in my best interest.”  
  
An unusual expression appeared on Danneel’s face. Jensen actually sat back a little and frowned. He wasn’t sure whether she was angry or disappointed. Frankly, neither was appealing.  
  
“Danneel. I will call you if I think I need a hand. Of course I will. We’re friends, aren’t we?”  
  
Danneel let out an odd laugh and picked up her keys off the table. “I’m heading to the office. I’ll schedule a locum for three days and you can let me know if there are any further developments.” She paused at the back door and turned. “You promised Jared some water.”  
  
“Danneel, wait.”  
  
When she turned to look over her shoulder the  _clinical_  smile was back. “Take him some water and pain medication and then take him to the damn hospital, Jensen.”  
  
As soon as the door closed behind her Jensen headed over to the sink and filled up a glass with water.  
  
It wasn’t like he couldn’t manage Jared at his place for a couple of days. Honestly, he was a little annoyed at Danneel’s lack of faith. He was  _quite_  annoyed at the less-than-subtle insinuation that he wanted to help Jared because of some kind of sexual attraction.  
  
Padding back down the hallway Jensen stopped briefly in the bathroom to pick up some more medication and a facecloth soaked in cool water. “I can take care of people,” he muttered.  
  
When Jensen poked his head into the guest room, Jared was still sitting in the same spot. “Jared? How are you feeling?”  
  
Those hazel eyes locked onto his and Jensen busied himself with pulling the nightstand closer to the bed so he could leave the water where Jared could reach it.  
  
“I’m okay.” Jared struggled to prop himself up a little higher. “Is she mad at you?”  
  
“Danneel?” Jensen laughed softly. “Probably, but it’ll be fine.” He held out the medication to Jared.  
  
“I’m sorry about the glass. She startled me. I didn’t think. I didn’t know you were married-“  
  
The statement drew a much more earnest laugh from Jensen. “We might act like an old married couple but it’s because we work together. Danneel manages my practice.”  
  
Jared nodded and washed the pills down with some water. “Are you sending me to the hospital?”  
  
“What? No. Well – do you want to go?” Jensen sat down on the edge of the bed.  
  
Jared shook his head. “No.”  
  
“Okay. I’ve – I told Danneel to get a replacement for me for a few days. I”ll make sure you’re on the road to recovery before you leave.  
  
Jared stared intently down at the glass tumbler in his hands. “It’s pretty bad at home.”  
  
A little thrill passed through Jensen. Clearly he’d done something right if Jared was opening up.  
“I saw that.”  
  
When Jared looked puzzled Jensen said, “You have a lot of bruises.”  
  
“Oh.” Jared set the water back on the nightstand and let out a shaky breath.  
  
“Do you need some help? I could get you a referral, or find you some temporary housing.”  
  
“Can I stay here?”  
  
It was Jensen’s turn to look surprised. “Here?”  
  
“Not for long. A few days. Maybe, until I can walk without help?”  
  
“I’m certain I’m not the kind of person who should be trying to help you, Jared. But I do know how to get you the support you need."  
  
Jared looked crestfallen even though there was a slight smile on his face. “You’ve been very kind,” he said softly.  
  
“I hit you with my car.”  
  
Jared actually laughed quietly. It was deep and sweet-sounding and Jensen couldn’t’ help smiling.  
  
“Seriously, Jensen. It was great of you to bring me here.”  
  
Danneel would probably disagree. “Well. Thank you. It’s my first time running over someone so I have nothing to compare it to.”  
  
Jensen was having trouble tearing his gaze away from the dimples that had appeared on Jared’s cheeks.  
  
"Drink some more water."  
  
Soft light from the window fell across the bed and Jensen smiled. There was a more natural colour to Jared's cheeks, and the bruising on his face seemed to have stopped spreading.  
  
Jensen waited until his guest had drained half the glass then got comfortable on the side of the bed. "Who were you running from, Jared?"  
  
Jared hesitated for a few moments and Jensen wondered if he'd gone too far. Then Jared put the glass back on the night table and cast his gaze down. "Mark."  
  
"Is he… what is he to you?"  
  
Jared's lips were a thin line and for a while he said nothing. He looked up and finally met Jensen's gaze. "He is … he was my partner."  
  
It was just as Jensen had suspected but this time he could have lived with being wrong. "You seemed really scared, terrified really."  
  
Blinking a few times, Jared shrugged then rubbed at his injured wrist. "I was. Well. I wanted to leave."  
  
It was no explanation and far from an answer but Jensen let it go. Jared looked for all the world as though he had no idea where to begin.  
  
"It's okay," Jensen said quietly. "No one but Danneel knows you're here. That means you're safe, right?" He tried for a reassuring smile.  
  
Nodding slightly, Jared dropped his gazes to the hands that were clenched tightly in his lap. "I thought Danneel was your wife."  
  
"Jared, I'm gay. And I'm single. Well, I have a – anyway. No one else will be coming here." Jensen figured he'd might as well get it all out in the open.  
  
When Jared looked up once more his eyes were a little wider. "Oh. I didn't mean. I just wondered. You seem like someone who would have a … someone." Jared gestured around the room and Jensen couldn't help looking.  
  
He found it a little hard to believe that his taste in interior design gave anything about him away.  
  
"Danneel says I'm married to my career. Workaholic."  
  
"I haven't worked in a while."  
  
Jensen could imagine a few unpleasant reasons why that might be. Without thinking he reached out to brush Jared's hair back from his forehead.  
  
Jared started and his lashes fluttered for a moment before he tried to hide it. Again, Jensen wondered what the man in front of him had been through.  
  
"I'm not going to hurt you," Jensen murmured. When his gaze found Jared's he could see a mix of emotions on the man's face. "It's alright," he soothed.  
  
Jared closed his eyes as Jensen swept the hair back and then leaned in to the touch. His brow furrowed slightly.  
  
Instead of moving away Jensen just kept stroking the wisps of hair. "You must still be exhausted."  
  
After a deep breath Jared nodded and blinked his eyes open. The slight smile was back on his face and he turned his head slightly until Jensen's fingers trailed across his cheek.  
  
It was a little like touching fire and Jensen found himself yanking his hand back. Those damned eyes were bad enough. The slight pout of Jared's bottom lip and the soft skin – well, Jensen didn't need to feel that.  
  
He pushed up off the bed quickly and straightened the covers. "Will you be alright for a while? I should. Breakfast." Jensen gestured vaguely in the direction of the kitchen.  
  
Jared nodded and looked like Jensen had just killed a kitten or something. A look of genuine sadness had settled on Jared's face.  
  
Jensen refused to believe it had anything to do with him because that would just lead to more problems. He had enough of those to deal with.  
  
He took a few steps backwards and then turned and headed out of the room.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
"You did what?"  
  
"I hit him with my car and then I brought him back here." Calling Jeff had seemed like a good idea. It probably wasn't.  
  
"Fuck, Jensen. What the  _hell_  is wrong with you? Is he a supermodel or something?" Jeff laughed.  
  
"I didn't notice what he looked like. Not really until he was here. I mean he's not – he's exotic."  
  
Jeff was silent for a few moments and Jensen heard the squeak of an office chair. "Jensen, I was joking. Tell me you haven't taken some injured man back to your house because he's  _exotic_."  
  
It was Jensen's turn to sound a incredulous. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"  
  
"Everyone?"  
  
Jensen sighed. "Okay. Just you and Danneel but still. That's sufficient."  
  
"You told Danneel?"  
  
"She came over here because she was worried about me. When she saw Jared she seemed to think I had him here because he's attractive. She implied it anyway."  
  
Jeff chuckled darkly. "He must be then. Danneel has good taste in-"  
  
"Jeff," Jensen interjected. "I'm serious. This is serious. I brought him back here because he was terrified, not because I want him to move in."  
  
Jeff laughed again and even though Jensen usually loved the low rumble of it he was finding it a little grating. "Jensen. I adore you but this is a mess. What was he doing? Running from the police or something?"  
  
"An abusive spouse." Jensen lowered his voice even though he knew Jared was sleeping. "A man – it looks pretty bad, Jeff."  
  
"Jesus," Jeff whispered.  
  
"If I take him in he'll get a consult but you and I both know they'll probably just call his partner and that has a high likelihood of not ending well."  
  
"And having him at your house will end well?" Jeff sounded about as serious as Jensen had ever heard him.  
  
"I – I just couldn't do it. He practically begged me." When Jeff remained silent Jensen continued reluctantly. "His injuries are far more minor than they could have been. I told him I would make sure he was healing properly before…"  
  
"Before?"  
  
"Before he goes. I suppose." Jensen could feel frustration nipping again. "He needs a place short-term."  
  
"He asked you?"  
  
"Kind of. We haven't really discussed it. He just kept thanking me."  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Take him to the hospital. This is far above and beyond the call of duty. The touchy-feely stuff isn't your thing and let's face it, you don't know anything about him."  
  
Jensen shook his head then realized Jeff couldn’t' see him. "No. I. Danneel said  _that_  too."  
  
"Maybe we have a point."  
  
Now that the conversation had taken such a negative turn Jensen found himself wondering why he bothered to talk to his friends at all. He'd been hoping for some constructive advice. For some reason it was that lack of trust, the assumptions that Jensen had ulterior motives that drove his decision. "I'm going to let him stay here for a couple of days, Jeff. I called because I thought that you might have some information for me. You met that physiotherapist with the new book a few weeks ago."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	2. Chapter 2

Breakfast seemed like a good beginning. As soon as he had looked up the information that Jeff had given him Jensen was in the kitchen searching the cupboards. Once upon a time he'd been a pretty good cook. He still cooked occasionally but breakfast was more likely to be a smoothie than anything that required culinary skill. He figured that a good hearty breakfast would be good for Jared.  
  
Reluctant though it may have been, Jeff had given Jensen some good advice. _Be the doctor. Keep your distance. Get him a little healthier so he can leave._  A couple of days was fine. Nothing much could go wrong in a couple of days. Nothing could happen. His friends could all be damned for their speculation about Jared. The man just needed some help and maybe it was just time for Jensen to make a change. He was usually the one who exited quickly whenever there was some kind of social responsibility but he couldn't help feeling that he and Jared were a good match.  
  
Jared wasn't exactly a  _chatty guy_ , at least not when he was concussed. Jensen was certain he could manage a couple of days of small talk, caring for the man and preparing some meals. It was high time he took a few days off. Danneel and Jeff were always going on about how Jensen worked too hard and was entirely too focused on his career.  
  
He would take a couple of days to cook, and… do whatever else people did when they weren't at work. He had a gardener and a college student who came in to do some cleaning. Jensen had his life running smoothly so there was room for a bit of a challenge.  
  
That's what he was going to continue telling himself.  
  
By the time Jensen had a tray ready Jared had been quiet for at least an hour and a half. If he wasn't sleeping he was the best house guest in the universe. Jensen made a note to stop thinking of Jared as a guest. Hitting someone with a car hardly qualified as a good way to make a friendly acquaintance.  
  
When he nudged Jared's door open with his hip he found the man lying on his side staring out the window. "Not sleepy?"  
  
Jared jumped slightly and his fingers curled tighter into the quilt.  
  
"I thought you might be hungry. I've made a tray with a bit of everything. Fresh apple juice with a dash of cucumber, coffee in case you're just a regular guy, pancakes, ham, scrambled eggs and toast."  
  
It took a few moments for Jared to try and sit up. Confusion was written all over his face and Jensen couldn't help smiling at him as he set the tray on the night stand. "Never had breakfast in bed? Think of it as all part of the clinic service."  
  
When Jared appeared to be struggling to sit up Jensen leaned forward and slipped his arms under Jared's. "Let me."  
  
Jared's entire body stiffened as Jensen tightened his arms around him. "Jared, just relax. I'm just helping you to sit up. You've got bad wrist and a bad ankle; you need to just take it easy."  
  
"I'm fine," Jared protested. It seemed like he didn't quite know what to do with his hands; they fluttered just above Jensen's arms then pressed on his shoulders. "Please."  
  
"Jared? It's alright." Jensen lowered his voice. He remembered all the times he'd seen Danneel speaking to emotional patients and the soothing lull of her voice. His hand pressed flat to Jared's back he pulled him a little closer and then lifted him up so he was sitting. "See?"  
  
Jared's fingers loosened their grip on Jensen's shirt and he let out a shaky sigh.  
  
Something clenched tight in Jensen's chest – a little bittersweet - and he rubbed his hand gently on Jared's back before pulling back slightly. Their cheeks brushed and Jensen felt that flare of warmth trickling down his body as he sat back. "Okay?"  
  
Jared rubbed at the rose bloom on his neck and nodded without making eye contact.  
  
"Bacon? Everyone loves bacon." Jensen rolled his shoulders to shake off the strange urge to hook his finger under Jared's chin and make him look up. He nudged the plate a little bit closer to Jared and watched as the man claimed a piece of bacon.  
  
"I called Jeff. He gave me some websites and I did a bit of research while this was cooking. Coffee?"  
  
The rest of the piece of bacon disappeared into Jared's mouth and he coughed a little. "Your partner?"  
  
"He's a friend," Jensen said quickly. "We- anyway. I've brushed up a bit on some physio for your wrist and I requested a walking cast. Danneel will order that today. It's not necessary but it will mean less pain if you're trying to get around."  
  
"Physio? Will I see someone else?" Jared had been reaching out for something on the tray and pulled his hand back.  
  
"Take what you want, Jared. I put cream and sugar in the coffee. I'm not sure why. That's how I like it." Jensen wasn't used to catering to anyone else.  
  
"I like it that way, too." Jared half-smiled and Jensen considered it a small victory.  
  
"How are you feeling? Better?" Jensen reached over and picked up the bowl of fruit then set it on Jared's lap. "Eat."  
  
Wordlessly, Jared picked up some apple and bit down on it.  
  
Jensen realized it had sounded a little like an order. "I mean, if you like apple. Do you like apple?"  
  
Jared gave a slight shake of his head as though he didn't quite know what to say.  
  
"No...you don't like apple?" Jensen's brow furrowed as he tried to decipher Jared's expression.  
  
Wiping his fingers slowly across his mouth Jared finished chewing. "It's ok. I don't mind it."  
  
Jensen nodded. Everything was going to be much harder than he'd thought. It was a little like pulling teeth and he wasn't sure if he had the right personality for dealing with someone like Jared. His thoughts wandered to Danneel again and her  _way_  with people. But then he remembered the digs about Jared being attractive and it renewed his commitment.  
  
"Jared? Maybe we need some ground rules for the next couple of days."  
  
"Rules?" Jared stiffened.  
  
"Just how we... okay. Look, relax. Just simple things. I want you to tell me if you don't like things, okay? You don't have to eat something just because I've brought it to you. If you're in pain or you're thirsty - anything - just tell me and I'll do what I can. Does that make sense?"  
  
Jared shrugged and Jensen was unclear whether it was an  _I don't get it_  or an  _I don't care._  
  
"Jared.  _Jesus_. You've got to let me know what's going on. I feel like we've already had this talk a few times and we're not getting anywhere."  
  
Although he was clearly trying to hide it, emotion transformed Jared's face. "I can go soon. I just need-"  
  
"That's not what I meant at all." Without thinking Jensen settled his hand on Jared's wrist and squeezed gently. He felt the muscles in Jared's arms tighten; his hands were clenched into tight firsts. "I said you could stay for a few days. I'm just trying to help."  
  
The struggle was back on Jared's face; his brow was furrowed, his eyes locked on the quilt covering his lap. "Okay," he finally answered.  
  
"Do I frighten you?" Jensen made a concerted effort to loosen his grip on Jared's arm but kept his fingers there.  
  
Pain flashed across Jared's face. It was something Jensen sensed more than saw and he withdrew his hand quickly. He felt the mood between them shift and when he looked up Jared's gaze was piercing. "It all changes. There are things. I mean, it shouldn't be that way and then you don't know what to do anymore."  
  
Leaning forward, Jensen smiled, puzzled as he tried to pick through the words and make some sense out of them. "Jare-"  
  
He didn't get much more out. Jared half fell, half launched himself forward and he was suddenly pressed up against Jensen. Their lips met; it was poorly aimed and rough, at first, and Jensen's eyes widened as he tried to keep his balance. He opened his mouth to say  _no_  and Jared just pressed forward and circled his arms around Jensen's shoulders.  
  
Being kissed by Jared wasn't unpleasant.  
  
Even as a chorus of warnings blared to life in Jensen's head he found himself sliding his palm up Jared's bruised cheek. He knew he was in trouble when the tips of his fingers slid into soft hair and he didn't stop moving his hand. Jared looked rough and tumble, tall and slim but fit; but under Jensen's palm was only smooth skin, warmth and then silken strands of hair.  
  
Tainted with a bit of desperation, the kiss deepened. Jensen parted his lips to protest and all he managed was a slight breath in before the shy slide of Jared's tongue had his lashes fluttering closed.  
  
Everything Jensen knew was trying to warn him off, but, at the same time he'd never felt a kiss tear through his entire body before.  
  
He allowed himself one or two more precious moments of Jared’s soft lips then grabbed the young man's shoulder and moved him back gently.  
  
It was one of the most difficult things he'd ever done, considering his predilection for young and gorgeous. But Jeff was right, and  _damn it_  Danneel was right. The man in front of him was wounded in more ways than just the physical. The last thing he needed was Jensen getting involved with him.  
  
"Jared, no. We - I can't do that," Jensen said. He tried for  _gentle authoritarian_  but judging by the look on Jared's face he'd overshot considerably.  
  
"Sorry," Jared said quickly. He'd withdrawn about as far as he could without getting out of the bed and running for freedom.  
  
"No need to apologize, Jared. I just don't think it's appropriate … you know … considering." Where could Jensen even start? There were a million reasons for him to put a stop to any progression of their relationship, especially because the motive was questionable.  
  
There was a strange look twisting Jared's features. He looked as though he was trying to find the courage to express something _very_  important. It pained Jensen to see the young man having to deal with anything else.  
  
"Listen to me carefully, Jared." Jensen waited until Jared made eye contact then continued in that soothing  _Danneel voice_  he'd overheard so often. "It wasn't unpleasant, I mean. You're an attractive young man but this just isn't the right time or the right place. Your life is a little complicated right now and this is probably misplaced emotion. And you don't owe me anything, certainly not that."  
  
Several expressions had flitted across Jared's face but he looked rather confused by the time Jensen had finished his explanation.  
  
"Do you understand, Jared?"  
  
Jared nodded quickly and  _completely_  unconvincingly. "I - I just. I thought…"  
  
Whatever Jared thought, he didn't seem able to put it into words. He shrugged, winced when his wrist moved a little and then sighed.  
  
For some reason, Jensen had done the  _right thing_  yet ended up feeling like he'd done the opposite of what Jared wanted. All of the people stuff was much more complicated than his friends made it look.  
  
"God, Jared.  _What_  is going on in that head of yours?" Frustration made Jensen's tone sharper than he'd intended.  
  
Jared flinched back, eyes downcast and he sent the tray tilting dangerously toward the edge of the bed.  
  
Jensen was a million kinds of frustrated. The worst part was that he was determined not to have to admit it to Danneel or Jeff. Calling either of them for assistance would be an outright admission of defeat. Losing had  _never_  been Jensen's idea of a good time.  
  
When it looked like Jared had calmed himself a little, Jensen forced a smile onto his face. "How about we start over and try something different?"  
  
Narrowing his eyes a little, Jared looked over at Jensen. "Different, how?"  
  
The look on Jared's face made Jensen feel like some kind of criminal. It was as though Jared was waiting for Jensen to strangle him or something. "Different, as in, you answer a question then I answer a question. Sound fair?"  
  
It looked as though Jared was mulling over his options. Apparently, talking to Jensen turned out to be one of the better options. "Okay," Jared said. "But what if there's something that I just don't want to talk about?"  
  
Jensen was flying by the seat of his pants. "Then you have to give a  _real_  reason why not. But the point isn't to force you."  
  
After a few seconds, Jared nodded. "Who goes first?"  
  
"You can," Jensen said quickly. At least Jared was talking to him willingly; that was an improvement.  
  
For a while, Jared just chewed on his bottom lip. Eventually, he looked down at his hands. "What kind of Doctor are you?"  
  
That was a pretty easy place to start. "Family practitioner. I run my own place downtown. Well, Danneel, whom you had the misfortune to surprise, runs it."  
  
Jared nodded then looked a little worried so Jensen decided to go easy on him and get some useful information. "Jared, what's your middle name?"  
  
"Tristan," Jared said quietly. "Unusual, right?"  
  
Jensen shrugged a shoulder and his smile warmed. "I kind of like it, actually."  
  
For some reason, that made Jared look up. Jensen got the impression the man was trying to determine if Jensen was telling the truth. "Thanks."  
  
While Jared was preoccupied thinking about his next question, Jensen handed him the juice. Long fingers wrapped around the glass and Jared smiled a little before taking a sip. "Okay," He said finally. "Do you like working with Danneel?"  
  
Another easy question. Jensen grinned. "Dani is  _fan_ tastic at her job. She's a real people person. She does all my paperwork, appointments and all that stuff. The most important part of her job is dealing with some of the more sensitive issues."  
  
"Sensitive?" Jared took another drink of the juice.  
  
"That's two questions," Jensen said. "But I'll give you this one for free. Dani is terrific when people are upset or confused. She will assist me if I have to give someone bad news, things like that. Didn't she make you feel better?"  
  
The glass paused halfway to Jared's mouth and he shook his head. "She kind of … overwhelmed me."  
  
Jensen laughed. The guy was actually pretty funny.  
  
Jared narrowed his eyes again. "You asked an extra question too, so we're even."  
  
At least Jared was, clearly, paying attention. "So I can ask my question now?"  
  
"Sure." Jared drank some more juice then leaned back a little.  
  
"Mark, your partner, how long were you with him?" It was a bit of a risky move but Jensen was really curious about the amount of time Jared had been in such a horrible situation.  
  
Jared's demeanor changed almost instantly. His shoulders lifted slightly. His knuckles whitened as his grip on the glass tightened. "About four years. I was eighteen when we got together."  
  
Jensen didn't want to push it so he just nodded But  _four years_  must have felt like a lifetime to someone Jared's age. He was so young.  
  
It seemed to take Jared a few moments to collect himself. He kept his gaze averted as he set the juice down. "You're single?"  
  
The golden question. Normally, Jensen wouldn't hesitate to say he was. Sure, he and Jeff got together for rather athletic sex whenever it fit in their schedules. But they weren't in a relationship. Both of their careers had taken a lot of their time and energy.  
  
"Jensen? Is that an okay question?"  
  
Nodding, Jensen dragged his hand down his face. So. How to answer. "I'm sort of single."  
  
"Sort of?" Jared asked quickly.  
  
"Is that another question?"  
  
"Sort of, isn't really an answer."  
  
"Fair. It's a bit complicated. My friend, Jeff. He's a great guy. We get together sometimes, but we're not in a relationship." It felt like the truth to Jensen … mostly.  
  
"Get together?"  
  
"We have sex."  
  
"Oh." Jared's cheeks went quite red and he looked away again. "An open relationship."  
  
"Some people might call it that. We're not committed to each other beyond our friendship." Jensen had to keep reminding himself that Jared was older than he looked. "I think all those clarifications make it my turn."  
  
Looking a little sheepish, Jared rubbed at his cheek and shifted down in the bed a little.  
  
"When I wanted to give you the pain medication initially, you said you didn't like the way it made you feel. Can you explain that? Were you on it before?"  
  
Jared ran his thumb back and forth across his bottom lip. "It … I don't like feeling like that. Out of control. Mark. Sometimes he gave me stuff."  
  
" _Gave_  you stuff? What did you take?" Question game be damned, Jensen needed to know things like that if he was going to provide Jared with safe and appropriate medical care.  
  
"I didn't  _take_  anything," Jared said a little sharply. "He would slip stuff in my drinks, sometimes, my food. I think."  
  
Bile crept up Jensen's throat and he had to force himself to swallow. "That's disgusting."  
  
Jared looked a little take aback but his expression changed when he looked up at Jensen.  
  
It was probably for the best if Jensen didn't say anything. A few words and he was likely to end up going on a tirade about rape and consent and that was the last thing Jared would want to hear. "I'm sorry that happened to you."  
  
Jared's face relaxed a little and he nodded. "It's my turn."  
  
"It is," Jensen said. The sooner they got off that particular topic, the better. If he ever saw the guy - he'd kill him.  
  
"Why  _aren't_  you in a relationship?" Jared didn't seem to need time to come up with  _that_  question.  
  
Fortunately, it was something that Jensen had explained on  _many_  occasions. Danneel said it was the price he had to pay for being a  _handsome_  and eligible bachelor. The problem was that he just wasn't eligible for most of the people who asked; namely, his female patients.  
  
"My career," Jensen began. "When I decided I wanted to be a doctor, I realized pretty quickly that I wasn't going to have much time for anything else - especially not a relationship. They take work, even the best of them."  
  
"Don't you miss it?"  
  
Jensen smiled. "That's another question. It's my turn."  
  
He was pleased to see Jared smiling. At least his spontaneously created game was garnering him some information. "The night I hit you; why were you running?"  
  
All the tension was back in Jared's body again. His eyes widened and he shifted, suddenly looking restless. "I - I did something. Mark was angry. I … I managed to get away and I just started running. I couldn't stop. I just kept feeling like he was behind me the whole time, breathing down my neck."  
  
Shaking his head, Jared closed his eyes for a few moments then when he opened them he looked over at Jensen. "He got in my head like that."  
  
Jensen nodded even though he really didn't know what it must have been like for Jared. Oh, he'd had the sensitivity training for relevant social issues. But, there was nothing that could really have prepared him for having a discussion like the one he was having with Jared. "Your question."  
  
Jared's eyes were locked with Jensen's. "Why do you care?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Me."  
  
It was a good question. Typically, Jensen  _didn't_  spend a lot of time caring about other people. "There's just something about you. I mean. Okay. That accident was kind of horrifying. I've never hit anyone before. So - I was worried about you and felt obligated to help. But now, I don't really know. Just something."  
  
Jared pressed his lips together. "I've never been hit before either."  
  
Tilting his head in a slight nod, Jensen shrugged again. He felt like he'd been doing that a lot. "You seemed like you really needed some help."  
  
"I suppose I did." There was a smile on Jared's lips. It was slight but it was there.  
  
Without even thinking, Jensen reached out for Jared's shoulder. He only managed to grab air because Jared darted away from the touch so violently that he ended up banging his wrist against the wall. He sucked in a breath and grimaced.  
  
There was  _no_  way that Jensen would  _ever_  get used to that. He felt compelled to begin announcing every move he made and it was kind of unsettling. "I'm sorry."  
  
But Jared's head was already shaking. "No. It's me. I'm - it's. I mean, I know, I think you're not going to do anything to me. I'll get over it. I just need time."  
  
How crazy was it that Jared felt the need to apologize for his instinct to protect himself. "Please don't apologize to me. You seem to do that a lot."  
  
"I'm used to it."  
  
The statement kind of lodged itself in Jensen's mind.  _No one_  should have to get  _used_  to apologizing. Hell, Jensen was beginning to realize that Jared was used to a lot of things that he shouldn't be. "Jared, you know that this … this relationship that you have. You know that it's been messing with your head, right? You know that this isn't the way that  _anyone_  should think or feel?"  
  
Jared sighed. "Jensen? I'm kind of tired. Would it be okay if I slept for a while?"  
  
A brief protest flitted through Jensen's mind but then he realized how hypocritical it would be. "Sure - didn't mean to wear you out. Keep your question till next time we talk."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The rest of the day, Jared was fairly quiet. It wasn't surprising considering the injuries and emotional trauma the young man was dealing with. In fact, Jared remained asleep until well into the afternoon.  
  
Jensen finished updating all of his patient files; Danneel would be  _very_  pleased with him. He cleaned up the kitchen, including most of the breakfast Jared hadn't eaten. He didn't bother waking him for lunch. After an hour of attempting to read the book most recently lent to him by Jeff and failing miserably, Jensen decided to make hamburgers for dinner. He hoped that Jared was more of a  _meat and potatoes_  guy.  
  
By the time the burgers were cooked up, Jensen was sure Jared must have rested enough for the day.  
  
The top of the BBQ clanged down and Jensen set his beer down to head inside and see how Jared was doing.  
  
He tapped his knuckle against the guest room door and then peered in.  
  
Jared was sitting up in bed with one of the books that Jensen left on the bottom of the nightstand for guests. It was  _Dune_  by Frank Herbert. It was Jensen's one nod to the science fiction genre. He was much more comfortable in the world of  _reality_  and _fact_. He wasn't too surprised that Jared would choose that book. Escape. After all, the guy had a whole lot to escape from.  
  
He waited until Jared looked up from the book before speaking. "I BBQ'd. Burgers, made 'em from scratch. Baked potatoes, corn, you interested?"  
  
Smiling, Jared rested the book on the bed beside him and rubbed his eyes. "I'm hungry."  
  
"Good," Jensen answered. "Do you want me to bring it to you or would you like to come outside and get a bit of fresh air?"  
  
Jared probably shouldn't be moving around too much but it had occurred to Jensen that being outside might feel better. It wasn't like he was keeping Jared there but it was still an odd situation.  
  
"I'd like some fresh air. If you don't mind." Jared always seemed so polite and proper. Jensen couldn't help wondering what he was like behind the front he put up.  
  
"I'll have to help you down the hallway. Just so you know." Jensen was trying to remember his own advice and  _warn_  Jared, give him as many details as possible about what was going to happen.  
  
Jared was quiet and then he nodded. He threw back the covers to reveal the sweats Jensen had lent him. They were a little too short but Jared kept the pant legs pulled up anyway.  
  
"How're you feeling?"  
  
"Okay. I slept a lot. Must have been really tired," Jared said.  
  
Jensen tilted his head in agreement. "You've been through a lot, Jared. And, your body is trying to heal itself." Frankly, Jensen was surprised that Jared was as alert as he was. But then, in Jared's world, resting or being injured was probably the kind of weakness he didn't want to show.  
  
Jared nodded silently and swung his good leg out from under the covers. He reached down and scratched along the bandage Jensen had wrapped around his ankle.  
  
"Is the skin irritated?"  
  
"A little, I think. It's not bothering me that much."  
  
"Well, as soon as you can put a little weight on it, you can have a shower. Unless you want one tonight but I'd have to help a little."  
  
Jared shook his head. "It's alright for now."  
  
Before things had a chance to get uncomfortable again, Jensen stepped into the room. He clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "Right. Let's get you outside for a little bit of sun and oxygen."  
  
Jared nodded again and pushed himself towards the edge of the mattress.  
  
Warn Jared. "Is it okay if I put my arm around you to help?"  
  
Staying silent, Jared nodded once more and held his hand up.  
  
Avoiding Jared's injured side, Jensen slipped his arm under the man's shoulders and helped him up.  
  
"Wait," Jared said softly.  
  
"You okay?" Jensen peered over at his guest's face. Sweat was already beading on Jared's forehead.  
  
"Just a bit … dizzy."  
  
"It's okay. You've just been horizontal a long time. It'll pass."  
  
Jared leaned heavily against Jensen's' side and his eyes closed for a little while. He was breathing slowly even though he looked a little tense. Finally, when his lashes fluttered open, he smiled. "Okay, ready."  
  
Jensen's hand curled over Jared's rib cage and they took a few tentative steps forward. When Jensen paused at the door, Jared glanced over and smiled.  
  
"I know you can kind of get around but I don't want you to put too much weight on that ankle. Gotta get you better so you can get outta here."  
  
The moment Jensen saw Jared's face, he regretted his choice of words. Jared looked a little sad and his smile wavered.  
  
"I'm not trying to get rid of you," Jensen added. "I just thought you probably didn't want to hang around here."  
  
He  _really_  wasn't the right person to be dealing with someone as sensitive as Jared.  
  
They continued to move down the hallway slowly. Jensen would have been happier if Jared was saying something, but at least they were still moving forward.  
  
"I cooked the burgers using Jeff's recipe. He thought, for a while, that he was going to be a chef." Jensen knew he was babbling but he was uncomfortable with all the silence.  
  
The socks on Jared's feet made a shushing sound and Jensen realized that they hadn't picked up Jared's shoes. "Your feet going to be warm enough?"  
  
Jared nodded, and Jensen figured that the guy wouldn't say  _shit_  if his mouth were full of it.  
  
"I have a lot of Jeff's recipes. Wish I paid more attention to my own Mom's cooking when I was living at home."  
  
"My mama loves to cook," Jared said.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Jared nodded again as they approached the door to the patio. "Let me guess. Is she one of those people who bakes for a month before Christmas?"  
  
Jared chuckled fondly, no doubt his laughter was brought on my better memories. "We had baking everywhere. There were cookies and squares and she always made a Christmas cake with real icing on it. You know, the hard kind."  
  
"Royal icing," Jensen said. When he'd become interested in Jeff, he'd actually taken some time to do some baking. Jeff  _had_ been impressed.  
  
"Yeah," Jared sounded a little surprised.  
  
Jensen slid the patio door open and eased Jared through, careful not to bump them into anything. "I'm a decent cook," Jensen added.  
  
Finally, they were in front of the chair Jensen had set out for Jared. "Here, hang on to me and sit down slowly."  
  
He slid his hands forward until he was holding Jared's upper arms and lowered him down. When he was settled in the chair, Jensen grinned down at him. "Good?"  
  
"Yeah." Jared sounded a little out of breath. "Was harder than I expected."  
  
"You're just feeling the effects of bashing into my car." Jensen grinned. It felt good to finally be able to see a little humor in it. _Not_  that there was anything terribly amusing about hitting someone.  
  
"I need more beer," Jensen muttered.  
  
"You drink?"  
  
"Sometimes, is that a problem?"  
  
"No." Jared shifted around in the chair trying to get comfortable.  
  
"Good. It's been a long day." Jensen felt a little weary. It was tiring having to examine every single word that came out of his mouth.  
  
After a few swallows of beer, Jensen felt a little better and headed over to the BBQ. "You want cheese on yours?"  
  
"Yes, please," Jared said quietly. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides and he was looking around the garden.  
  
"Okay, they're pretty much ready so just hang on and I'll get yours ready first."  
  
"Is Jeff coming over?"  
  
Jensen stilled, spatula holding a burger he'd just scooped off the grill. "What? Jeff? Why would you think that?"  
  
All Jared did was shrug.  
  
"Uh, no. Jeff's not coming over. We don't usually get together during the week."  
  
"What does Jeff do?"  
  
"He's a doctor as well. Why the sudden interest in Jeff?"  
  
"Just curious," Jared said. He rested his head back against the chair and watched Jensen's every move.  
  
"About Jeff?" It seemed a little odd but Jensen was willing to go along with it - anything that made Jared open up a little bit.  
  
"I guess. Wondering what kind of man you're interested in." There were little pink splotches on Jared's cheeks again.  
  
As Jensen put the burgers together, he glanced at Jared out of the corner of his eye every now and again. "He's a great guy. Good sense of humor, intelligent."  
  
The burgers were plated and Jensen handed one to Jared.  
  
"But what attracted you to him in the first place?" Jared lifted the bun off his burger and examined it before putting it back together again.  
  
There was another chair opposite Jared and Jensen sat down with his own dinner. "He's got great eyes. Dark,  _dark_  brown, Long black lashes, thick hair. He's pretty fit. Like I said, nice guy."  
  
"Are they kind eyes?"  
  
"You what now?" Jensen took a huge bite of his burger and hoped it would deter Jared from asking too many questions about Jeff.  
  
"Kind. Are his eyes kind?" Jensen was relieved to see Jared finally take a bite of his burger.  
  
Jensen gestured to his mouth and kept chewing. Kind eyes? Honestly, Jensen hadn't really thought about it.He swallowed and was unable to put off answering any longer.  
  
He picked up his beer and took a swig then looked over at Jared. "I didn't really think about all of that. He's a great-looking man with a great personality. What's not to love?"  
  
Jared nodded as he chewed but his brow was furrowed for a little while. "Anyway, that was my question."  
  
"What?"  
  
"My question from the game." A warm smile worked it's way onto Jared's face, complete with dimples and white teeth. It was a little contagious and Jensen found himself smiling back.  
  
"Yes," Jensen said. "My impromptu game of question." Obviously, Jared hadn't minded after all.  
  
Jared nodded and took another bite of his burger.  
  
Jensen was happy to see Jared eating. Maybe he'd just needed a bit of fresh air, sleep - and even a change of scenery.  
  
"Guess it's my turn to ask a question then." There were a few things that Jensen was curious about.  
  
After swallowing his mouthful of burger, Jared set it down on the plate. "Sure, why not?"  
  
The enthusiasm caught Jensen off guard but he went with it. "Why you so curious about Jeff?"  
  
Jared scratched his head and looked over at Jensen with wide eyes. "I guess I wonder about how people end up together. How people like you and Jeff find each other."  
  
"People like us?" Jensen was certain that they hadn't known each other long enough for Jared to be drawing many conclusions about him and Jeff.  
  
Jared looked down, his hair fell forward and he cleared his throat. "Just - the good guys."  
  
That made Jensen laugh. He'd been called a lot of things but  _good guy_  generally wasn't one of them.  
  
"You seem like a good guy."  
  
"Are you assuming that I'm not like Mark? Is that what you're basing your judgement on?" Jensen put his beer down. He'd probably had enough of that considering how loose his tongue was feeling already.  
  
The hand holding Jared's burger changed direction halfway to his mouth and his dinner landed back on the plate. "That's not what I mean."  
  
Okay, so maybe Danneel and Jeff had an  _extremely_  valid point about Jensen's lack of social skills. Jensen sighed and set his own burger down even though he was really enjoying it.  
  
"Jared? Remember how I told you that Danneel handles all the sensitive issues at the practice?"  
  
Jared nodded, eyes wide as he blinked a few times.  
  
"Well. I really  _do_  suck at this kind of stuff. This is a clear demonstration of me sucking. I say things other people wouldn't say. I don't always think about other peoples' feelings. Danneel says I'd probably make a good sociopath. But, apparently that's normal for a lot of people in my profession." Jensen  _really_  shouldn't have had beer. Even  _he_  recognized that telling Jared he'd make a good sociopath was probably not the best idea.  
  
Lips parted slightly, Jared just stared.  
  
"She's, uh, joking about the sociopath thing," Jensen after too many uncomfortable moments of silence.  
  
Finally, Jared nodded then picked up his burger again. He took another bite without saying anything and kept his gaze downcast.  
  
"Here's my question," Jensen said. He was already in over his head so  _what_  the  _hell_? "Why'd you kiss me? Really."  
  
The movement of Jared's jaw slowed and then his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "I don't really know? Desperate, I guess."  
  
"Wow."  
  
Jared looked up quickly. "Not desperate for a man, desperate. I mean .. wanting to stay here. Just long enough to catch my breath. God. I just - I had no one to help and I hadn't thought beyond  _run_  and  _get out_. It all happened too fast." He paused and took a breath.  
  
Jensen nodded, hoping the flow of words would continue.  
  
"And I felt like. I felt like you were my last chance. If you sent me to the hospital or worse,  _home_. That would be it. I had nothing left. No fight." Jared fell silent again and stared down at the plate in his lap.  
  
Jensen wasn't sure there was an explanation for the kiss to be picked out of Jareds words so he stayed quiet and waited.  
  
"It felt like all I could do. The only way to repay you." Jared closed his eyes and shook his head. He seemed to be having trouble believing he'd done it.  
  
The strange thing was that it made a little bit of sense to Jensen. It didn't sound like Jared felt like he had much to offer anyone - he might have thought that was  _all_  he had.  
  
"Thanks," Jensen said.  
  
"For?"  
  
"Telling me. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that was pretty difficult to talk about."  
  
Looking off into the distance, Jared shrugged and smiled sadly. "What have I got left to lose?"  
  
There was something really frightening about the way Jared sounded so resigned to whatever it was that fate had in store for him. No one should have to look like they had absolutely no hope.  
  
"You're still … you, Jared." Jensen smiled. "I don't know you very well, but you seem like a pretty good guy. You're smart, I think you've got a damn good sense of humour hiding in that head of yours. You've got …"  
  
Jared looked up and finished Jensen's sentence. "I've got a whole lot of problems.”  
  
"Not what I was going to say," Jensen said.  
  
When Jared's eyes locked with Jensen's, his gaze was intense. "Sorry for interrupting."  
  
Jensen didn't bother telling Jared there was no need to apologize … again. "I was  _going_  to say, you've got amazing eyes and you're a good-looking guy."  
  
Jared's eyes widened momentarily then he blinked and hung his head. "Thank you."  
  
They might never become friends but Jensen felt a little bit like he was making Jared's life a  _little_  better. It should be difficult, even for Jensen, to make the guy's life worse than it already was.  
  
"You're welcome," Jensen said after a while. "Your food is getting cold."  
  
They chatted a little as they ate, although there seemed to be a silent agreement to keep the topic of conversation more upbeat and less personal.  
  
They talked about football and their favorite teams. Jensen told some hair-raising stories from his Gross Anatomy sessions at Med School. Even Jared had cracked a smile when Jensen had admitted to losing his lunch the first time he'd cut into a cadaver. They both preferred dogs to cats but Jared had never had one. The Ackles family had a dog when Jensen was a kid but he didn't want one now he had his own home; too much fuss and mess.  
  
By the time the sun had gone down it was a little bit cooler outside. Jensen could see Jared was shivering. "We should get you back inside."  
  
A wistful expression settled on Jared's face and he nodded. It was a good sign that he was reluctant to end their evening as far as Jensen was concerned.  
  
He cleaned up the plates first, then returned to stand in front of Jared with his arms held out.  
  
Jared had shifted forward to the edge of the seat and he slid his hands up Jensen's forearms until he had a good grip then he pulled himself up. He hopped a little when he accidentally put too much weight on his injured ankle.  
  
Jared's fingers curled over Jensen's shoulder to catch himself. For the briefest moment they were standing so close that Jensen could feel the heat of Jared's breath on his cheek. Then Jared was pulling back as he regained his balance.  
  
There was a shy smile on Jared's face as they began to head back to the guest room. "Bet you're tired again after all that food," Jensen said.  
  
"Yeah." Jared let out a small laugh as they stepped through the door. "Probably shouldn't have had that second burger."  
  
"Good for ya," Jensen murmured. "Told ya I was a good cook."  
  
"Well, Jeff is. His recipe right?"  
  
When Jensen looked up at Jared's face he was ready to say something kind of bitchy but then he saw the smile. The dimples were back, and for the first time, there was a glint of life in Jared's eyes.  
  
"Are you teasing me, Jared?" Jensen's lips twitched as he tried not to smile.  
  
Jared just smirked as he kept limping.  
  
"Guess I was right about that sense of humor." The light flickered in the guest room when Jensen flipped the switch.  
  
Still smiling, Jared blew out a relieved breath when he finally sank down onto the mattress. He wiped be back of his hand across his forehead. "Hey, Jensen?"  
  
"Mhhm?" Jensen pulled the covers back down the bed to make it easier for Jared to get in.  
  
"Do you think I could have something for the pain?"  
  
"God. Yeah." Jensen should have asked but he'd been kind of caught up in having a  _semi_  normal evening. "Get comfortable and I'll get it. Be right back."  
  
The medication was all in Jensen's ensuite. It seemed wise. He picked up the pills and then headed to the kitchen for a bottle of water before returning to the guest room.  
  
"Here you go, Jared." Jensen stopped just inside the door as he walked in on Jared pulling his t-shirt off over his head.  
  
It was impossible to miss the old wounds on Jared's back. The white bandage wrapped around his torso just made the scars stand out even more.  
  
When Jared noticed Jensen in the doorway he folded his arms across his chest and looked around nervously. "I should probably shower tomorrow."  
  
"Of course," Jensen said quickly. "We'll figure it out somehow. Don't worry about it right now."  
  
Nodding, Jared turned and pulled his legs up onto the bed.  
  
"Here. Water and a pill for now and one for later if you want it." He'd been about to tell Jared to call for him but he doubted that his guest would actually do that.  
  
"Before you get settled can I check your side?" The deepest cut had been down the side of Jared's rib cage. Jensen wondered if something on his car had caught the young man's body as he's rolled up onto the hood. It was kind of a chilling thought.  
  
"Sure." Reluctantly, Jared unfolded his arms and let them fall to the bed.  
  
Jensen tugged the, already loose, bandage off and unwound it. He had to lean in and pass the end of the bandage to his other hand around Jared's body but tried his best to keep his distance. In was second nature to run his fingers down the length of the wound on the healthy skin. It was healing well. "Looks pretty good, considering."  
  
Jared's muscles were jumping under his skin, his eyes darting nervously from the bed to Jensen and back. "Just relax, Jared. I won't hurt you."  
  
After a deep breath, Jared leaned back a little and scratched at his belly. "Feels good to have that off."  
  
Jensen laughed softly. "I'm sure it does. I can probably leave it off. These butterfly bandages are pretty good; it will hold. I'm glad we didn't do stitches."  
  
Jared nodded and tried to look down at the cut that ran almost the entire length of his side. "Will it scar?"  
  
It seemed odd to Jensen that a man so covered in old scars would be concerned about a new one. "Probably a little. It will fade over time. Jeff's a surgeon; he specializes in facial reconstruction. I could ask him to take a look when he's over if you like."  
  
Head tilted, Jared looked up at Jensen and smiled. "No. Thanks - it's okay. Doesn't really matter."  
  
Jensen ran the palm of his hand down Jared's side as he studied the wound. There were some odd-shaped marks on Jared's back. It looked almost like he'd been stabbed with something. His thumb drifted over the old scar tissue and he started when Jared sucked in a deep breath.  
  
"Sorry," Jensen said softly. "That looks like it hurt once upon a time."  
  
"It. It did," Jared said. His voice was almost a whisper.  
  
When Jensen looked up he could see that Jared's neck and face were flushed, his eyes heavy lidded. He watched until he realized he was staring at Jared's tongue as it wetted the young man's bottom lip. His hand lingered on warm flesh for a few moments then withdrew.  
  
"Mark…" Jared swallowed, throat moving rapidly as good bumps travelled down his arm. "Mark didn't like scars. Wouldn't touch them."  
  
Anger was Jensen's first reaction. Not only did this Mark asshole,  _cause_  the scars but he'd given Jared a complex about them. Some people really did deserve to get their asses kicked. It took a few deep breaths for Jensen to calm himself then he spoke as gently as he could. "They're just you."  
  
Turning his head slightly, Jared stared into Jensen's eyes.  
  
Taking a chance, Jensen reached forward again and traced a path between the small scars on Jared's back. He kept his eyes on the hazel ones that were blinking up at him so innocently. "It's kind of like a memory, you know? Your body remembers what you've been through. When you meet someone, you never expect them to come without any memories, right?"  
  
There was a strange expression on Jared's face then he nodded slightly before tearing his gaze away. He dragged a hand down his face and seemed to be trying to hide his expression. "I'm sorry, just tired I think."  
  
"It's okay," Jensen said as he stood. He swept Jared's hair back and tucked it behind his ear then froze when he realized what he'd done. There were tears welled in Jared's eyes and he was biting down  _hard_  on his bottom lip. "Are you alright, Jared? I'm sorry. I-"  
  
"I'm fine," Jared said quietly. "Just tired. Jensen? Thank-you for everything."  
  
It seemed like an odd time for a thank-you and Jensen didn't like the way it felt almost final. "It's fine, Jared. I'm - I'm enjoying your company."  
  
It was the truth and it was so strange that Jensen didn't really want to explore it too much. A few more days and Jared would be on his way and the whole weird situation would be behind him. "Get some sleep, I'll check on you later."  
  
Nodding again, Jared slid down into the bed and closed his eyes.  
  
Jensen pulled the covers up over Jared's waist and chest then brushed the backs of his fingers over Jared's cheek. "Sweet dreams."  
  
He left the room quickly, door ajar behind him so he could poke his head in later and make sure Jared was still comfortable. Things were crazy. Completely crazy. Before he headed to bed himself he planned to text Dani and ask if she could stop by on her way home from work. Whether her visit would be a pep talk for Jared or himself… Jensen wasn't sure.  
  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	3. Chapter 3

  
The morning brought rain. It wasn't that unusual but it was rare enough that Jensen went around the house opening some of the windows.  
  
Rain on the cedar trees in his yard always reminded Jensen of camping. He hadn't done that since he was in pre-med. There never seemed to be enough time. No matter how many promises he made to himself it just didn't materialize.  
  
Jensen's phone rang and he pulled it out of his back pocket.  _Jeff_. He held the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he struggled with the lock on the kitchen window. "Hello, tall-dark-n-handsome."  
  
The sound of Jeff's laugh just reminded Jensen of the many reasons they were friends.  
  
"How's it going over there, Dr. Ackles?"  
  
The window opened about an inch then stopped moving. "Okay. Strange. Uncomfortable. Oddly amusing at times."  
  
"He hasn't attacked you or tried to rob you or anything?"  
  
That made Jensen laugh. "He's not that kind of guy, I don't think."  
  
"How do you know? You ran over him; you didn't interview him ."  
  
The window had frustrated Jensen to the point where he moved on. "Trust me. Hey, next time you come over can you bring tools? My kitchen window won't open."  
  
"Need my handyman skills again?" The deep tone of Jeff's voice was relaxing. One of the things that Jensen adored about his friend was the unconditional acceptance.  _That_  was relaxing.  
  
"I do." Jensen headed over to the living room and flopped down on the sofa. "I haven't had this much time off since I opened my practice."  
  
"What about Spain?"  
  
Jeff and Jensen had spent ten days in Spain the previous summer. Jeff had insisted on Europe because he planned to get Jensen into a Speedo. The speedo plan had been sabotaged but Jensen felt he'd made up for it in  _other_  ways during their vacation. "Yeah - but that was away. Spent all this money on a damn house and then the moment I have time I go away."  
  
"Yeah. See. You should put your money into a bike like I did."  
  
Jeff's Harley was sexy. As much as Jensen hated motorcycles, he had to admit that it suited Jeff. The low purr of the engine always  _got_  to Jensen, kind of like the rumble of Jeff's growl. "I'm too terrified of getting hurt … besides, then I wouldn't be able to get rides from you."  
  
Jeff laughed again but this time it was a much deeper sound. "There are definite advantages to having you pressed up against my back and hanging on for dear life."  
  
Yes; there were. Jensen licked his lips as he thought about their last ride and the evening that followed. "Tryin' to get me all worked up?"  
  
"Since when do I have to try?"  
  
Jeff had a valid point. They didn't get together often enough for the novelty to wear off. And Jensen rarely found a man he was compatible with. Jeff was a perfect combination of a commanding presence and a laid back personality. And there was that laugh. "You don't have to try, hot stuff."  
  
Jensen held the phone away from his ear as Jeff laughed particularly loudly. "What? You called me Tiger."  
  
"Man, you kill me, Jensen."  
  
"I'm glad."  
  
"So, should I call before I come over or is using my key still allowed?"  
  
"Should be okay," Jensen said. "Jared knows about you  _and_  Danneel. God, remind me to tell you about  _that_  meeting some day."  
  
"Did Dani scare him?" Jeff asked. It wasn't that long ago that Jeff had admitted to being intimidated by her when they'd first met.  
  
"They scared each other. And she thinks I want to have sex with him because he's gorgeous." He wasn't sure why he was admitting that to Jeff; maybe for back-up. Jeff had been a good support in the past.  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Want to have sex with him? No!" Jensen was a little offended but it would have surprised him if Jeff hadn't asked. It was, after all, the only reason Jensen had brought someone home in the past.  
  
He rubbed at his forehead. "He's been hurt a lot, Jeff. As thick as I can be, even  _I_  get that the last thing he needs is someone like me in his life."  
  
"What's wrong having you in his life? I happen to like you." Now, Jeff sounded a little indignant.  
  
"No commitment? Casual sex Dr. Ackles. Perpetually single by choice. That's not a good match with someone like this kid."  
  
"Jesus, kid? How old is he, Jensen?" Jeff sounded amused again which was a relief.  
  
"Twenty-two, that's young."  
  
"Jesus, he's legal. And you're the youngest doctor I know."  
  
"Jeff. Are you  _trying_  to talk me into hitting on Jared? Tired of me?" Jensen was listening to Jeff laugh again when he heard the sound of a throat clearing behind him.  
  
Jensen fumbled the phone when he jumped. "Jesus!"  
  
"Sorry. I'm sorry," Jared said quickly. "I woke up and I needed more water." Holding the empty water bottle up like it explained everything, Jared smiled weakly.  
  
Jensen nodded at Jared and then picked up his phone from the sofa. Before he even got it back to his ear, he could hear Jeff calling his name on the speaker.  
  
"Jeff. Sorry. Jared startled me and I dropped the phone."  
  
Jeff snorted. "Awkward. Did he hear you?"  
  
A cool kind of dread settled on Jensen's shoulders and he couldn't help a glance over at Jared. "Don't know, but thanks for giving me something else to worry about."  
  
There was more laughter on the other end of the phone and Jensen rolled his eyes.  
  
"Okay, Jensen. Enjoy your day. I have a consult." The phone went dead and Jensen stared at it for a few moments before tossing it onto the cushion beside him. "Morning, Jared."  
  
Leaning against the wall, Jared smiled. "Morning. I'm sorry I interrupted your phone call."  
  
"It was just Jeff. Nothing to worry about." Jensen realized that Jared was up on his bad foot, yet again. "Come sit, I'll get the water. You really should stay off that ankle or it's not going to heal well."  
  
Looking a little guilty, Jared limped over to the sofa and sat down. He had Jensen's old t-shirt on again and the sweats he'd slept in. Jensen was going to have to get at least one or two changes of clothing for Jared even if he was only staying a few days.  
  
Thanks to Jeff, Jensen found himself reviewing his phone conversation and wondering what Jared might have heard. "I'll, uh, get your water."  
  
Leaving Jared on the sofa looking a little sheepish, Jensen beat a hasty retreat. He swore softly when he was in the kitchen. The last thing he needed was for Jared to overhear him joking about hooking up. He was going to make Jeff  _pay_  the next time they were together.  
  
Jensen yanked the fridge door open and grabbed a bottle of water.  _Act natural_ , he counselled himself. Jared probably hadn't heard a thing. Jensen's bare feet were cold on the tiled kitchen floor and he headed back to the living room.  
  
"Here you go." Jensen handed the water bottle to Jared then sat down at the far end of the sofa.  
  
"Jensen? Are you still okay with me being here?" Jared's hands were sliding along his thighs restlessly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well. You have work and then there's Jeff."  
  
"Don't worry about Jeff," interrupted Jensen. "Casual, remember?"  
  
Nodding, Jared looked over at Jensen. "I just. You don't even know me. You don't - I haven't even really explained everything that's gone on."  
  
"Stop!" Jensen didn't mean to raise his voice. He only had to look at Jared to regret it more than most of the mistakes he made.  
  
If there was a way for Jared to hide  _inside_  his own body he sure looked like he was trying to find it. He just seemed to shrink in on himself; suddenly looking pretty damn small for a guy well over six feet tall.  
  
It was too late to fix what he'd done; that horse had already left the barn. But Jensen could, at least, explain.  
  
"I shouldn't have raised my voice, Jared. I apologize for that. I just find it … frustrating that you're always apologizing." He'd tried to choose his words carefully. The fact that Jared was still sitting there was positive. At least he hadn't retreated into the guest room, or worse, out the front door.  
  
Jared rubbed at his cheek, looking a lot like he was trying to come up with something to say and failing.  
  
Holding his hands out, palms up, Jensen looked at Jared questioningly.  
  
"What the hell am I supposed to say? You told me I was apologizing too much."  
  
"Fair enough," Jensen answered. Mark that one in the win column. It was the first time Jared had spoken up for himself.  
  
"I didn't mean to frustrate you. It's what I'm used to; what I do." The bottle top clicked when Jared twisted it open. He drank for a while, guzzling about half the water.  
  
Jensen nodded and sat back, kicking his feet up on to the coffee table. He was having trouble even remembering where they'd started the conversation and where they'd been going with it.  
  
"How is Jeff?"  
  
"He's fine," Jensen answered. It felt a little odd to be discussing Jeff. He was pretty sure that discussing his casual sex partner with a guy he ran over in his car would violate all kinds of social rules.  
  
"When did you wake up?"  
  
"Just a little while ago. Guess I was really tired last night."  
  
"It's raining out," Jensen said as he gestured towards the patio doors.  
  
"I always liked the rain." Jared's voice sounded a little sad.  
  
"I opened a few of the windows. I really like the smell of rain on the cedar." For some reason, the conversation felt a little stilted. But then, there was a possibility that Jared had heard some of his talk with Jeff.  
  
"Were you talking to Jeff about my physio?"  
  
"What? No." Jensen had said he was getting some advice from Jeff about physio contacts. He was pretty sure. "I already have some stretches for your wrist. The ankle will have to wait for a while. At least, until you get the walking cast."  
  
"Danneel's bringing that, right?" Jared suddenly seemed to be full of questions.  
  
"Yeah. She'll probably be here tonight after she leaves the clinic.If you need it you can use it." Considering the way things were going, Jensen was seriously considering texting her to close up early and head over.  
  
"Are you angry with me?"  
  
Now,  _that_  wasn't a question that Jensen had expected. Maybe he had limited social skills but he was certain that he wasn't come off as though he'd lost his temper.  
  
Frowning, Jensen shook his head slowly. "Not at all; why would you even think that?"  
  
"Something in your voice." There was a slight waver in Jared's voice.  
  
"Well - you're wrong."  
  
"I'm sorr-" A sigh replaced the rest of the word and Jared's shoulders slumped.  
  
A sigh escaped Jensen's lips before he was able to stop it.  
  
All of Jensen's thoughts were getting all twisted up. He felt as though he was turning himself inside out, trying to make sure he didn't set Jared off but it was beginning to seem impossible. "It's not … okay, it is frustrating but I get it."  
  
"You don't get  _any_  of it," Jared said steadily.  
  
It didn't sound like Jared was baiting him but Jensen was running out of patience. He wasn't the guy who had done any of the damage but he was paying the price for it all the time. It really didn't seem fair. And Jeff was right, Jared wasn't a kid. He was a strong guy; tall, good looking, seemed intelligent. Surely, he had the ability to distinguish between his abuser and a helpful stranger.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes for a few moments before turning to face Jared. "I don't feel like you're giving me very much credit. I  _am_ a physician. We've had numerous conferences and inservices over the years about psychological issues. I know what abuse is like."  
  
Jared's eyes widened and he shook his head more vigorously. "You ever been in an abusive relationship?"  
  
"No, of course not." Over the years Jensen had made a lot of mistakes but he would never enter into any relationship that was harmful to him.  
  
"Of  _course_  not?" Interestingly enough, for the very first time Jared sounded a little angry.  
  
"What? I wouldn't. I'm not an idiot, I know what the signs are." Jensen was starting to realize exactly how expressive Jared's face was. Had he not already figured out that what he'd said made him look like a complete asshole - the look of utter betrayal Jared shared with him would have put him on notice. It looked like all of Jared's hopes had been dashed with one sentence.  
  
Jared finally looked away as though he couldn't stand to even  _see_  Jensen any more. "Jared, I didn't mean that-"  
  
"Yes, you did. That's exactly what you think. That if I were smarter or stronger, this wouldn't have happened. It would  _never_ happen to you, right?"  
  
Of course, Jensen's honest answer would have to be that he didn't think it would ever happen to him. He sure as hell wasn't going to say it again but that left him in the unenviable position of not knowing  _what_  the hell  _to_  say.  
  
Jared wasn't finished. "Why do you think I didn't go to the police or report anything?"  
  
When Jensen opened his mouth to respond, Jared held up his hand. It might be a  _huge_  mistake but Jensen stayed silent.  
  
"I'm six foot four. I weigh over 200 pounds. You think the cops would believe that a guy like Mark could… could-"  
  
Jensen only  _just_  managed to prevent himself from pointing out that he hadn't any idea at all what Mark looked like. "I believe you, Jared. I do."  
  
For a time, Jared was silent. He gazed out the window in front of them. "When I first met him - Mark - he seemed like the perfect man. I was in college. I wanted to write and Mark was one of the Professors. It was a real boost to my ego. Good-looking older man paying attention to me? It had never happened before. Gave me a lot of confidence."  
  
"Jared-"  
  
"Please. Just let me tell you." The look in Jared's eyes reminded Jensen of the night they'd met. It was desperate and fearful and Jensen hated it. So he nodded slowly.  
  
When Jared sucked in a huge breath, he shivered.  _Someone walking over your grave_  was what Jensen's grandpa used to say.  
  
"At first, it was great," Jared began again. There was a slight smile on his face as he remembered. "We did all kinds of things. Coffee and talking for hours, pick up football in the park, dancing.He seemed to know a lot of people. Acquaintances everywhere we went. People seemed to like him. Had to be a good guy, right?"  
  
Jared sighed and folded his arms. He looked determined to finish so Jensen stayed silent.  
  
"I was struggling financially. It was a mess. I had two jobs: barista at a local cafe and the late shift at an office supply store. All that happened was that I was exhausted all the time and my classes were getting too far ahead of me. When Mark asked me to quit my jobs and move in with him, I said yes. Who would turn that down at eighteen years old?"  
  
Obviously, Jensen was learning something because he didn't answer the question.  
  
"I moved in and things changed, Jared said. "It was slow and so much of it … I mean; he was really smart how he did it." Jared frowned.  
  
"You don't have to do this," Jensen said quickly.  
  
"Yes, I do." Jared took a deep breath.  
  
Jensen had never been in Jared's shoes. He hadn't the slightest idea what it would feel like to carry around that much hurt and betrayal inside. Maybe it was better to tell it all to someone. It was so far removed from Jensen's life that he had no idea how to even begin to help. All he could really do was try to listen and give Jared a little comfort.  
  
"At first it was easier to write everything off to being an accident.  _He didn't mean to,_   _I was clumsy_. But, even I could only use those excuses for so long."  
  
"Did you tell anyone?" Curiosity was a difficult thing to ignore.  
  
Jared turned a little so that he could pull his injured ankle up onto the sofa. His face was distorted by a grimace for a few seconds as he got comfortable. "No. Like I said, no one would believe that I would have any trouble defending myself. I just … I just never expected it to become what it did.”  
  
"Did you try to defend yourself? It was another dangerous question but there were still so many pieces of the puzzle missing.  
  
"I did. In the beginning it was such a shock to me. The first time he … hit me, I was in shock. It was the very last thing I expected. I didn't even know why he was so angry. He'd had a bad day and, somehow, he figured it was my fault."  
  
"Even if it was-"  
  
"I know," Jared said quickly. "I hadn't even been with him all day." Jared's hand was hovering beside his jaw. "It was like being slammed by a ton of bricks. And before I could even figure out what to do about it, he was apologizing and telling me that he loved me."  
  
"I may not be an expert on love, but I don't think it's supposed to include getting cold-cocked." Love was something that had always eluded Jensen. Oh, he loved Jeff, but he wasn't  _in_  love with the man. It seemed like something that would put someone like Jensen at risk of losing his control. He liked being in control. Even with Jeff, the power dynamic was pretty flexible.  
  
"I think I knew that. I guess the first time, I thought it really was a mistake." Jared slid restless fingers through his hair.  
  
"And the second and third times?" Jensen still found it hard to believe that anyone would put up with a situation like that.  
  
"I couldn't believe it? I felt really fucking stupid? I didn't have anyone to talk to, Jensen. I had a lot of excuses for not doing anything."  
  
The whole thing was confusing the hell out of Jensen. Jared seemed like he knew all the answers; he had to have known how to get out of there. Lowering his gaze, Jensen threaded his fingers together. "I just - I don't think I understand why you didn't walk."  
  
"Nowhere to go," Jared said softly.  
  
"What about your parents?"  
  
"Strictly right-wing, Texan Christians. I tried to tell them I was gay when I was about fourteen. All that got me was six months in therapy." Jared rubbed at his cheek and avoided looking at Jensen.  
  
This time, Jensen stayed quiet and Jared continued. "When I moved in with Mark, I told them. Thought they'd have to see  _some_ good in it. A professor with a great job, smart guy, a gentleman wanted to live with their son. How could I phone less than six months later and tell them I needed to come home."  
  
"I'm sure they love you, Jared." Jensen really needed to do a lot more reading - or - something. He wasn't sure how he felt anymore. Part of him wanted to beat some sense into Mark but part of him wanted Jared to tell him that he had, at least,  _tried_ to do something to protect himself.  
  
"I had a black eye. Big cut on my jaw." As if he needed to prove it, Jared pointed to the very pale scar that ran the length of his jaw.  
  
Jensen reached out and traced the slightly crooked scar with the pad of his thumb. For once, Jared didn't flinch or pull away; he just stared at Jensen.  
  
"How did your jaw get cut?" Jensen asked quietly.  
  
Tilting his head slightly, Jared closed his eyes. "I - when he punched me I fell, hit my jaw on the fireplace. He took me to the ER that night. First twenty stitches."  
  
 _First_  twenty stitches. Something ached a little in Jensen's chest and he slid his hand forward to cup the side of Jared's neck. "Can I ask you something important?"  
  
For a second Jared frowned, then he nodded without retreating from Jensen's touch.  
  
"I need to know," Jensen said as steadily as he could. "You're not going to go back to him, right? No matter what?"  
  
This time Jared did pull away slightly. "I'm not going back. No matter what. I was lucky enough to get out. Then I got a little help from you. Gotta be a good sign, right?"  
  
Dropping his hand, Jensen nodded. "Jeff said there were some places we could look into. Places you could stay; programs to help you start over."  
  
For the longest time, Jared just stared at Jensen. It was like he was searching for some kind of answer in Jensen's face. Eventually, Jared nodded and smiled very slightly.  
  
Jensen wondered if he'd said the wrong thing again. A little nervous, he rubbed his hands together and stood. "I should find you something else to wear. You wanted a shower, right?"  
  
Looking a little confused, Jared frowned and stared  _hard_  at Jensen.  
  
Jensen stopped beside Jared. "What did I do now?"  
  
Shrugging, Jared looked like he was trying to lean back closer to the sofa to give Jensen some more space. "Nothing."  
  
"Right," Jensen said sarcastically. Being around Jared wasn't too good for Jensen's ego. He knew he wasn't always the most sensitive guy but he was trying.  
  
"Why are you mad?"  
  
"For  _fuck_  sakes, Jared. I'm not mad." It wasn't the most convincing thing he'd ever said.  
  
Jared turned away and Jensen just couldn't take being the bad guy again. He shoved Jared's leg out of the way and sat down on the edge of the sofa. It was the closest he'd been to Jared since he'd arrived when he'd been conscious, at least.  
  
Jensen leaned in and slid his arms around Jared. He felt the man's body tense, at first, then relax slowly. "I don't know what to do," Jensen whispered into Jared's hair. "I don't know how to help you."  
  
Jared stayed still for a while then he moved his arms around Jensen's waist. It was an awkward position but when Jared leaned into Jensen's body they both tightened their arms. They might each be holding on for different reasons but Jensen figured it couldn't hurt. Maybe Danneel was wrong; maybe Jared needed a friend more than he needed a caregiver.  
  
Jared turned his face into Jensen's neck, his warm lips ghosted over Jensen's skin. "You  _are_  helping."  
  
The whispered words sent a shiver down Jensen's body. He pulled back enough to see Jared's face. There was hair hanging in Jared's eyes and Jensen lifted a hand to sweep it back.  
  
Their eyes met and Jared smiled.  
  
 _God_. There was so much in Jared's eyes, it was crazy. So much hurt and fear and still - there was just that tiny bit of trust for Jensen. It had to take a lot of courage for someone to have led Jared's life and  _still_  be able to expect good from someone.  
  
Jensen leaned forward until his lips could register the heat of Jared's breath. He could feel Jared trembling ever-so-slightly and then the man's fingers dug into the muscle of Jensen's back.  
  
Just the slightest shift to the left and Jensen's lips slid across Jared's open mouth. The next breath Jared let out was a whoosh of hot air that Jensen swallowed up with a kiss. He tilted his head  _just_  enough to cover Jared's mouth completely. Their mouths moved together, back and forth then Jensen dragged his teeth over Jared's bottom lip.  
  
The heat from the kiss was extreme. Jensen lost his way a little, forgetting the whys and hows of their being there together.  
  
A small groan from Jared made Jensen suck in a quick breath. He swallowed past the strange ache in his throat and deepened the kiss. His tongue probed the gentle curve of Jared's bottom lip. He traced it back and forth over the warm skin until he just couldn't take it anymore. He pushed his tongue past those soft lips into all the wet heat of Jared's mouth.  
  
Jensen moaned and Jared let out a kind of whimper as he grabbed a handful of Jensen's t-shirt. He tugged and his knee pressed against Jensen's hip and Jensen gave in. He leaned down further, shifting his body over Jared's.  
  
Their lips still moved slowly, Jensen pressed forward when Jared tried to speak; his tongue slipping past the smooth edges of Jared's teeth.  
  
Jared's hand pulled hard on Jensen's t-shirt again, then he let go and twisted his entire body. Jensen slid fingers into Jared's hair and held him there in a tight grip. He could hear the way Jared was panting already. Then Jared's hand slammed hard against Jensen's chest and he shoved.  
  
As soon as their lips parted, Jared stared up at Jensen. "No," he whispered in a broken voice.  
  
The word made its way slowly through the haze that surrounded Jensen.  _No._  The fast breathing, the way Jared had pulled on Jensen's shirt. "Jesus, Jared. I - I'm sorry. I thought…"  
  
Without waiting for a replay Jensen untangled himself from Jared and scrambled clumsily off the couch. He took a few steps back until he bumped into the coffee table.  _Not_  what he'd meant to do; any of it.  
  
Jared was just half-lying on the couch. His hair was tousled, his shirt rucked up to his chest. His face was unreadable, almost hauntingly blank.  
  
It scared Jensen. He almost fell over the coffee table as he tried to get further away. "Jared. I didn't mean to-"  
  
"It's okay," Jared said. His voice sounded rough and over-used and he tugged his t-shirt down. His lashes fell to his cheeks and he let out a long, shaky breath.  
  
It was  _so_  completely not okay. Probably, the most  _not_  okay thing that Jensen had ever done. "It won't happen again. God, Jared. I just. I feel - I'm sorry."  
  
Sitting up slowly, Jared wet his injured leg down gingerly. He didn't look up at Jensen. He just stared ahead blankly. "It's okay. Was both of us. But, I'm really tired. Do you mind if I go and lie down again?"  
  
"Mind?" Jensen's mind was spinning and he hadn't the slightest idea what he should do or say. "I'll help you-"  
  
"No thanks," Jared said quickly. He stood slowly, leaning on the arm of the sofa until he was balanced on his good foot. "I'll be fine. Just need another… need more sleep I think."  
  
It was almost painful watching as Jared limped across the living room. Jensen had to resist the urge to go to his side and help him down the hallway.  
  
He waited until he heard the quiet  _snick_  of the guest room door closing before moving to pick up his phone. He tapped the screen a few times then held the phone up to his ear. "Dani? … Yeah. Listen. Can you close up as soon as possible and come over? Yeah. I need your help.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
"Jesus  _Christ_ , Jensen. What the  _hell_  is wrong with you? See! This is exactly what I was worried about. I  _knew_  something like this was going to happen." Danneel was so angry at Jensen that the tip of her nose was bright red. If Jensen weren't slightly terrified of her wrath he would think it was quite amusing.  
  
"I didn't do it deliberately," Jensen said weakly. He didn't really have a defence. When he'd been telling Danneel about the _kissing situation_  he'd realized how terrible it all sounded; how terrible it  _was_.  
  
They were on the sofa in the living room and Danneel had made a point of saying that they should keep their voices down. She was right to be pissed at him but Jensen was regretting his decision to have her over.  
  
"Jensen, you know he doesn't need this right now, honey. I really don't mean to bitch at you but he's pretty fragile. I bet he seconds guesses every encounter you two have. Everything he thought he knew just fell apart on him-"  
  
"You think I don't know all that?" Jensen hissed He was glad that Danneel was so clearly in Jared's corner but there were times when he wished that someone would support  _him_.  
  
"Do you care about him?" There was a little wrinkle on Danneel's forehead and the brown eyes were wide and so genuine that it made Jensen feel even worse.  
  
It was a good question. but Jensen surprised himself by actually knowing the answer. "I do care about him, Dani. That's why I kissed him in the first place. It's not like it's a  _bad_  way to show affection for someone."  
  
For some reason, Danneel suddenly looked a lot less angry with him. It made Jensen a little nervous.  
  
"The problem is," Danneel began. "Jared doesn't need that kind of affection right now. He needs support, friendship, not kisses from you that are going to confuse the hell out of him."  
  
"He didn't seem very confused. He shoved me away pretty hard."  
  
Now that everything had sunk in, Jensen was feeling a bit miserable. Rationally, he knew that Jared turning him down was _exactly_  what needed to happen. It didn't make it sting any less though. Nor was Jensen proud of the fact that he'd managed to set aside the fact that it was the last thing Jared needed.  
  
Danneel looked back over her shoulder, probably worried that Jared might overhear them.  
  
When she looked back at Jensen, she reached out and grabbed his hand. "Just think about it for a minute, Jensen. He just left the best and worst relationship he's ever had. Days later, He's got  _you_  trying to help him. He can't possibly understand why you're doing that - I mean, honestly? I'm not even sure I understand." She squeezed Jensen's hand.  
  
"I can't explain it, Dani. There's just something about him. He's sweet and kind, he's smart and after all he's been through, he's still pretty funny." Jensen said.  
  
"Funny?" Danneel looked a little surprised.  
  
"Yeah. I mean, he's been through so much, Danneel. And he still manages to smile. He forgives, he … he  _trusts_  me. Or, at least, he did. He's special."  
  
Danneel's bright red lips parted to say something but she ended up just staring at Jensen for a while. The way she was searching his face was a little disconcerting.  
  
"What?" Jensen asked when the silence began to feel more than a little awkward.  
  
Danneel lifted an eyebrow. "Sometimes, Jensen, you can still surprise me."  
  
Having no idea whether that meant a  _good_  surprise of a  _bad_  one, Jensen just smiled slightly and nodded.  
  
"Jared's tea must be ready," Danneel said. "I'm going to go and sit with him for a while. Have a chat."  
  
When Danneel had arrived she had dispatched Jensen to Jared's room to find out if a visit from her would be okay. When Jensen had asked, Jared had nodded. But then, what other choice did he have?"  
  
"Okay," Jensen said sullenly.  
  
"Are you  _pouting_ , Jensen?"  
  
"No," Jensen said quickly. Perhaps  _too_  quickly, judging by the bemused expression on Danneel's face.  
  
Jensen listened to Danneel's heels click down the hall and heard her unobtrusive knock. When he'd heard the door open and close, Jensen sighed and sank down onto the sofa.  
  
He really did appreciate Danneel coming over to help. It would be great for Jared to have someone else to speak to and Danneel certainly wouldn't end up kissing the guy.  
  
Every time he thought about what had happened, Jensen felt a little worse. Normally, he didn't misread people. But then, Jared's situation was unique.  _Jared_  was unique.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Almost two hours passed before Danneel emerged from the guest bedroom. Jensen was about ready to snap. He had cleaned, pulled out some clothes for Jared and done a lot of dinner preparation. After that he had sulked on the couch.  
  
He was relieved when he heard the door open even though he had to listen to Danneel and Jared laughing as she said goodbye. He could have done without that.  
  
Danneel closed the door behind her and when she appeared around the corner Jensen realized why she walked so quietly. She held a high heeled shoe in each hand and her normally immaculately pinned up hair had been shaken out. Long, red hair cascaded over her shoulders.  
  
"Comfy?" Yeah, Jensen sounded a bit bitchy.  
  
"You try wearing heels all day," Danneel replied.  
  
"Not my thing."  
  
"Might suit you-"  
  
"Danneel?"  
  
She smiled sweetly as she curled up on the couch beside Jensen.  
  
"Stop," Jensen said firmly.  
  
Even though Danneel laughed, Jensen still felt irritated. Clearly, she and Jared were relaxed around each other and that felt like a bit of a betrayal.  
  
"How bad did I screw things up?" Jensen had a distinct feeling that Danneel would want him to suffer before she told him anything. He was simply the helpless cat toy to her rather evil feline. That could be a slight exaggeration but then, he'd had a lot of time to sit and think.  
  
Danneel's perfectly manicured toes poked Jensen's leg to reclaim him from his thoughts.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I  _said_ , want me to put you out of your misery?" Danneel looked  _very_  pleased with herself.  
  
Nodding, Jensen set his hand on Danneel's fine-boned ankle.  
  
"Okay," she said softly. "But only because I can't stand you looking like someone just kicked you. I mean-"  
  
Jensen hadn't really known how frustrated he was until that moment. "Is Jared leaving?"  
  
Recoiling back slightly in surprise. Danneel raised her eyebrows. "Is  _that_  what you were worried about?"  
  
It hadn't really occurred to Jensen  _what_  he was worried about until he blurted out his question. "Just answer the damn question."  
  
A steely gaze settled on Danneel's face. "You'd better start rubbing that foot you're holding or I won't be telling you anything, _Doctor_  Ackles."  
  
Really, Jensen knew better than to try and push Danneel tdo  _anything_. More than once Jensen had found himself picturing her with a riding crop - but that was, perhaps,  _his_  issue.  
  
He shifted closer and lifted Danneel's feet onto his lap before beginning to massage her foot. "Better?"  
  
"Much," Danneel said sweetly.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Of course he's not leaving, you idiot."  
  
Relief felt good after a couple of solid hours of tension. "I - I'm glad."  
  
Danneel got that odd look on her face again; one that was stuck somewhere between surprise and disbelief.  
  
"He was worried you were going to take him to the hospital, or worse, send him to stay with me." Danneel winked and smiled.  
  
Allowing himself a slight smile, Jensen concentrated on rubbing the arch of Danneel's foot. He didn't really want her to see how _very_  relieved he was.  
  
"I won't ask him to leave," Jensen said softly. "He can stay until he can get around on his own. His ankle is sprained badly."  
  
Danneel nodded. "Can I give you some advice, Jensen?"  
  
"Would it matter if I said no?"  
  
"Nope," Danneel said quickly. Her soft laughter was quite soothing and Jensen relaxed a little, in spite of himself.  
  
"You need to be his friend, Jensen. That's what he needs more than anything. And that is going to be tough for you."  
  
"I'm not a complete disaster."  
  
"No, you're not, Jensen. Nor do you have a lot of experience with this kind of situation."  
  
Much as he didn't want to admit it; Danneel was right. "So, what do I do to become more Danneel-like and less Jensen-like?"  
  
"Don't over-think it, for one thing," Danneel said quietly. "Just be yourself. But try and remember what he's been through.  _Ask_ him what he needs or wants. He's going to need practice at figuring that out."  
  
Jensen nodded and rubbed his palm back and forth over the top of Danneel's foot.  
  
"Let him come to you," Danneel continued. "But, honestly, Jensen, he doesn't need a one night stand or casual sex, you know."  
  
All the blood in Jensen's body felt like it was riding the flush of embarrassment that was growing on his chest and neck. He nodded almost imperceptibly.  
  
"Jensen? He doesn't hate you  _or_  what you did. He's just a lot more hurt and fragile than you might think. Especially when you look at him." Danneel's eyes widened playfully. "Did you  _see_  those shoulders?"  
  
Turning slowly to glare, Jensen sighed. "Not helping."  
  
The grin on Danneel's face was crooked and a little mischievous looking. "Oh, I'm  _so_  sorry."  
  
There wasn't an ounce of sympathy in her apology and Jensen rolled his eyes.  
  
"I've got to go home, Jensen. I'm tired."  
  
He nodded and patted Danneel's leg before she swung them down off his lap. "I told Jared you'd go and get him when dinner was ready. And - he'd like to take a bath."  
  
Jensen was beginning to realize what an extraordinary test of willpower Jared's stay was going to be.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The afternoon went by quickly. Jensen checked on Jared once and found him sleeping peacefully. He left the clothes he'd picked out for his guest on the end of his bed.  
  
Jensen spent the next couple of hours putting together a proper meal. He made a salad from what he happened to have in the fridge, created his own pasta sauce and made some meatballs. He really hoped that Jared liked pasta.  
  
Jeff had called late in the day to see how things were going. They were on the phone long enough for Jeff to be a little surprised that Jensen was  _entertaining_  his guest. They had bickered about it a little; Jeff saying you didn't make pasta sauce from scratch because you were taking care of someone, Jensen saying he was making it for himself anyway so Jared might as well enjoy it.  
  
Maybe it was a little extravagant but Jensen wasn't sure what else to do with all his free time. During an average week he probably wouldn't spend more than a few hours hanging around the house.  
  
Dinner was about twenty minutes out when Jensen finished running a bath for Jared. He pulled a couple of thick green towels out of the linen cupboards and left them on the counter in the bathroom before knocking on the guest room door.  
  
"I'm awake," Jared called out. "Come in."  
  
When Jensen pushed the door open he found Jared sitting on the end of the bed clad only in Jensen's old sweatpants.  
  
"Hey, Jared. I ran a bath for you. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour, but I can keep the pasta till you're almost done." Jensen smiled and jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.  
  
"Are those clothes for me to borrow?" Jared's long fingers smoothed over the t-shirt on the top of the pile.  
  
"Yeah. The jeans will be a little big but they were never hemmed…" Small talk was one of those things Jensen found excruciating.  
  
"Thanks." Jared's voice sounded a bit steadier. The time he'd spent with Danneel seemed to have calmed him.  
  
"My pleasure." Jensen stood there feeling nervous; unsure of how to act. "Your bath is ready."  
  
"Oh God, that's gonna feel so good." Jared looked genuinely pleased.  
  
"Do you - can you manage?" Unable to come right out and ask, Jensen waved in the direction of the bathroom across the hall.  
  
Jared nodded. "I'm good. Danneel talked me through how I can get in the tub without breaking anything else." A smile appeared on Jared's face and brightened it a little.  
  
Jensen smiled in return and stepped back towards the door. "I'll start putting dinner on the table when I hear you're getting dressed."  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
"Yes?" Jensen leaned against the door frame.  
  
For a little while, Jared just stared at Jensen, smile still on his face. "Jensen, I will do my best to - well, I guess I'll do what I need to so that I heal up. You've been really generous letting me stay here."  
  
Holding up a hand, Jensen shook his head. "It's fine, Jared. It's the least I can do."  
  
"No," Jared said firmly. "I don't want to screw up your life. Any more, I mean."  
  
Closing his eyes, Jensen took a moment to calm his racing thoughts and then moved back into the room and sat down on the end of the bed. "I did a lot of thinking this afternoon."  
  
The smile on Jared's lips was steady as he listened.  
  
"The thing is. I really want to help you. I mean that genuinely. I'm happy to have you here until you're recovered. It's not a problem, there's more than enough room and, frankly, you'd be doing me a favor."  
  
That wiped the smile off Jared's face. He frowned and narrowed his eyes. "A favor?"  
  
Nodding, Jensen tilted his head and looked down. "I did this to you. I hit you with my car because I was trying to get my damn phone off the floor."  
  
"I ran in front of your car," Jared said quickly.  
  
"And I'm a doctor. Think about that for a second. Maybe the one person who could help you." Even though he had thought long and hard about it all, he hadn't realized how much he believed it until that moment. It felt like an answer to questions he didn't even know that he had.  
  
"Jensen, I don't know if-"  
  
"I won't … I won't pursue… anything with you if that's what you're worried about. My behaviour .. it was shitty of me. It won't happen again. I promise you that. So stay. As long as you need to and let's get you back on your feet again."  
  
There was a strange expression on Jared's face. He ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
Leaning closer, Jensen bumped his shoulder against Jared's. "Take a chance."  
  
Jared was frowning when he glanced over at Jensen. "I'm not sure that I make very good decisions."  
  
"Just take a chance on me then. Come on, let's turn this around for you." It was suddenly very important to Jensen.  
  
Jared stared at Jensen as though he were expecting the answer to just magically come to him.  
  
There were probably a lot of things going through Jared's mind. Jensen just hoped that Jared knew Jensen meant what he had offered. He had no idea where it had come from but he  _knew_  he meant it. It just seemed like the right thing to do.  
  
"Okay."  
  
The word was so quiet that Jensen wasn't sure he heart it. His confusion must have been clear on his face because Jared nodded and said, "Yeah."  
  
"Good," Jensen finally said. "Good."  
  
Jared smiled and looked over Jensen's shoulder. "I'd better get into that bath."  
  
"God," Jensen stood quickly. "I forgot. Yeah. It'll still be hot. And, it's one of those tubs with massage jets in it. If you turn them on, be careful of your injuries."  
  
Jared nodded and managed to get to his feet.  
  
When he was almost to the door Jensen turned once more. "Don't let your side soak in the water."  
  
"What?" Jared took a few tentative steps toward the door.  
  
"Wound. Open water. Don't let it soak."  
  
The smile was back on Jared's face again. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."  
  
"Doctor!" Jensen exclaimed.  
  
Jared laughed and rolled his eyes and the tension between them vanished.  
  
"Get goin'," Jensen said as he walked backwards a few steps. "I'm hungry."  
  
Jared limped across the hallway and the door snicked close behind him.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Once Jared was settled for the evening, Jensen grabbed his phone and took it outside onto the deck. The evening was still warm and Jensen needed some fresh air and a friendly ear.  
  
Jeff picked up on the second ring. "Hello, Jensen. I was just thinking about you."  
  
Jensen couldn't help smiling. Jeff was familiar, comfortable, good for Jensen's soul. "It's been a hell of a day here, Jeff."  
  
"I've got a twenty year-old Scotch and I'm outside watching the stars. I'm all yours, Baby."  
  
Jensen wasn't sure what he thought of the recent upsurge in the number of pet names but he could  _always_  forgive Jeff his eccentricities.  
  
"I - I asked Jared to stay," Jensen said. He was trying it on for size, the arrangement was only hours old and Jensen wasn't sure how it felt yet.  
  
Jeff sounded as though he shifted the phone. "So. You mean that you're letting him stay there until he can walk properly?"  
  
"Maybe longer," Jensen answered. "I want to help him to get back on his feet again in the broader sense." Maybe it didn't all fit Jensen perfectly but he no longer felt like all the air left his lungs when he thought about it.  
  
"I take it that  _on his feet_  refers to more than just him taking the time to heal his sprained ankle."  
  
There was little in Jeff's tone to suggest he was inclined to have an opinion on Jensen's decision. Ironic that, in the past, Jensen had always loved Jeff's neutrality. Sadly, now he felt like he wanted someone to tell him that he was right, that he was being a _good_  person.  
  
"Am I making a big mistake, Jeff?"  
  
Jeff's laughter sounded a little guarded. "Now, you know that's a question only  _you_  can answer, Jensen. What's going on? What's behind all this doubt?"  
  
It was a very good question. And one that Jensen had been asking himself. "I have no idea, Jeff. I feel guilty? Know what I was doing when I hit him?"  
  
"I can't even imagine," Jeff answered with a slight lilt in his voice.  
  
"Don't tease. I was trying to pick up my phone off the floor because you'd called me. I didn't want you to leave the bar before I got there." If he'd just looked up a few seconds sooner, He would have swerved around Jared. He might have pulled over only to look back and see that Jared had kept running.  
  
Jeff's sigh was loud on the other end of the phone. Jensen could imagine Jeff sitting on his worn, leather couch. He was probably wearing one of his old Harley Davidson t-shirts and Jensen would bet that Jeff was clad in his favourite jeans.  
  
"Jensen, I'm sorry this happened. Not because you did anything wrong but because this whole thing seems to have set you back on your heels." The couch creaked and Jensen could picture Jeff leaning forward the way he did when he was concentrating.  
  
Sitting down on one of the wooden patio chairs, Jensen let out a tired groan. "Maybe I'm getting old, Jeff."  
  
"Bite your tongue. You're a lot younger than me. You don't think I'm old."  
  
"That's different," Jensen answered quickly. "Jeff Morgan, you will  _never_  be old. You're completely fucking timeless and if it were possible, I'd hate you for it."  
  
Jeff's laughter was a really great sound. "Jensen, everything is going to be okay."  
  
"I wish I was that confident," Jensen admitted.  
  
"He'll heal quickly and he'll probably want to get the hell out of there." Jeff took a deep breath and then blew it out. "You didn't hit him deliberately and he's going to be okay. He's obviously not going to go to the authorities because he would have done that already."  
  
Jensen shook his head even though Jeff couldn't see him. But Jensen had never, for one instant, thought that Jared would do anything of the sort. Maybe it was naive; maybe it was instinct. "I'm  _so_  tired, Jeff."  
  
"Get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow. You need me to stop by the practice?"  
  
"I'll call Dani tomorrow and see if she needs anything. Thanks, Jeff." Jensen closed his eyes for a few moments.  
  
"Bye, Jensen. Talk to you soon."  
  
For the first time ever, Jensen didn't feel better after his phone call with Jeff. It was unsettling, to say the least. But then Jeff was right, Jensen really seemed to have reached some kind of turning point.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
One day at a time became Jensen's motto very quickly. Dinner with Jared the night after Jensen had asked him to stay had been a little awkward at first. But, as they'd eaten and chatted, Jensen had noticed they had both begun to relax. It was just the beginning.  
  
It didn't really take long for the two men to grow more comfortable with one another. Jensen wondered if it was because neither of them had been left with a choice when it came down to it. They might be in their current situation for different reasons but it seemed like they were both at a turning point; Jensen just wasn't sure whether it was a beginning or an ending for him. He wasn't even sure he had a preference.  
  
During the first couple of days, Jensen tried to get them into a bit of a routine. It was how he had handled everything in his life. Routine and schedule didn't seem to be how Jared worked, however. They ended up settling on a happy medium.  
  
Jared was much more of a free spirit than Jensen had expected. It might have been because of the way Jared had been forced to live while he was with Mark.  
  
That was the other thing that seemed to become semi-routine. Unpleasant as it was, there were many moments between them that would end up with Jared revealing a little bit more about his life with Mark.  
  
Neither man seemed to  _want_  to go through it but it seemed, somehow, necessary. It would always begin the same way. Jensen would do something unintentionally that would make Jared flinch, recoil or just jump noticeably. Jensen would try to apologize. Jared would tell him that an apology wasn't necessary. And then, as though Jared believed it would make a right out of a wrong, Jared would tell a story.  
  
Sometimes, Jared simply uttered a few particularly descriptive words or phrases. Sometimes, when Jared had to tell more of a story, they would get coffees and sit on the back deck.  
  
Those were the tales that Jensen dreaded. Some of the things that Jared told him were so foreign and frightening to Jensen that he couldn't get his mind wrapped around them. He ended up believing that Jared was telling him the truth and finding the amount of violence his young friends had endured was horrifying.  
  
There had been punches, and slaps; Jared had been knocked over and thrown down. All the time Jensen was listening to Jared he found himself wanting to slide closer and put an arm around Jared or sweep those long, unruly locks back out of his eyes. But, touch was the last thing that Jared needed from Jensen. It was just another instinct Jensen had to disregard.  
  
After the first few days, Jensen began some physical therapy for Jared's ankle and wrist. True to his word, Jeff had passed on a wealth of information about physio and one of his colleagues had dropped off some equipment.  
  
The TENS unit was Jared's favorite, due in no small part to the fact that it required no effort at all. Jensen applied the contacts and lube to the correct spots on Jared's ankle and the pulsing electrical charges would take care of the pain for a while.  
  
On a good day, Jared would ask Jensen to sit with him while the machine did its work. Sometimes, Jensen would ask questions about Jared's plans. What did he want to be doing in a year? Where did he want to live? Slowly, they became less like strangers and more like friends.  
  
Sometimes, Jensen had to remind himself that he and Jared had only known each other for days. It was certainly an intense way to get to know someone.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It was over a week before Jeff stopped by the house. Jensen had been wondering where his friend had disappeared to. It just seemed in poor taste for him to call up Jeff and ask him to come over while Jared was around. Admittedly, that was probably just his hangup but he just couldn't do it. He forgot all of that when Jeff was smiling at him in the front hallway.  
  
"Jeff," Jensen said quietly. He really had missed the man. Pre-Jared, he and Jeff might have gotten together once or twice a week. With the amount of stress Jensen had been under, eight plus days suddenly seemed like a long damn time.  
  
"You look good, Jensen." Jeff tugged on the sleeve of Jensen's well-worn t-shirt. "No one wears a suit better than you, but I always thought you looked better dressed like a pool boy."  
  
Knowing that the heat of a blush would reach his cheek in a few moments, Jensen stepped forward and pulled Jeff into his arms. The faint scent of Jeff's cologne clung to his motorcycle jacket and Jensen nosed his way under the high leather collar. He mumbled against Jeff's stubbled jaw. "You smell  _really_  fucking good."  
  
The rough pads of Jeff's fingers pushed under the hem of Jensen's t-shirt and his hand pressed to the small of Jensen's back.  
  
Without a second thought, Jensen's lips parted to kiss along Jeff's jaw until he was welcomed roughly by his friend's hot mouth. Jeff knew  _just_  how to kiss; he could pretty much knock Jensen over without doing much more.  
  
Jensen sighed and slid his hands under the open flaps of Jeff's jacket. The lining was cool and Jeff, as usual, was radiating heat. Jensen's fingers tucked under the waistband of Jeff's jeans and he smiled into the kiss.  
  
"What?" Jeff's voice was low and thick like molasses. His tongue traced Jensen's bottom lip then his teeth caught it gently.  
  
"Just missed you," Jensen murmured. He was half hard, buzzing with heat and couldn't wipe the smile off his face.  
  
A voice trailed down the hallway ahead of it's owner. "Jensen, I was reading that boo- shit. I'm sorry." The voice had started behind Jensen and then he heard footsteps receding down the hall quickly. The door to Jared's room clicked shut quietly.  
  
The quiet rumble of Jeff's laughter should have felt good against Jensen's chest. But all he could think about was wanting to go down the hall and  _explain_  to Jared about - he wasn't even sure what.  
  
Jensen groaned and rested his forehead against Jeff's shoulder. "That was Jared, wasn't it."  
  
Jeff pressed his lips to Jensen's temple briefly. "Young? Really tall? Hair like a sheepdog?"  
  
At least Jeff was amused. Jensen might have been too if it weren't Jared. "Unless someone else broke in, sounds like Jared."  
  
"He's hot," Jeff said. If Jensen didn't know better he'd think that there was a little bit of sadness in Jeff's voice.  
  
"He is," Jensen agreed.  
  
Leaning back a little, Jeff looked down at Jensen's face. One dark, thick eyebrow lifted slightly.  
  
Jensen smiled. "What?"  
  
"You got a thing for Jared?"  
  
"A thing?" Yes. Jensen was  _absolutely_  avoiding the question.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	4. Chapter 4

  
Slowly, Jensen shook his head. "Right now, Jeff? I can barely tell my ass from my elbow. I don't think I have the mental capacity for much else."  
  
It didn't look much like Jeff believed him. But then, Jensen was beginning to notice a tendency in his two closest friends to assume the worst. There might be  _some_  reason for them to think that way: Jensen had a tendency to go after what he wanted. There was a real lack of faith there though, a burr under Jensen's saddle.  
  
There was a strange look on Jeff's face - unreadable. Then the man smiled and it was gone. "Gonna invite me in or am I banned now that we were busted?"  
  
Jensen was torn. A large part of him wanted to go to Jared and find some sort of explanation. Even if he did, he wasn't sure why it mattered so much to him. And there was the other part of him that wanted Jeff; wanted to be distracted from all his thoughts for a while.  
  
If only …  
  
"You in there?" Jeff tapped his knuckle to the point of Jensen's chin.  
  
"Sorry," Jensen said. "I've been doing a lot of that lately. Far too much fucking thinking.”  
  
Jeff's lips formed a genuine smile. "Offer me a drink."  
  
"Would you like to come in for a drink, Jeff?" Jensen's lips twitched into a crooked smile.  
  
"Love to." Jeff pushed past Jensen and strode down the hallway. It wasn't like he didn't know where everything was.  
  
Without another word, Jensen trailed after Jeff. He watched as Jeff poured them both some whisky. Twining his fingers through Jeff's, Jensen headed out through the patio doors.  
  
It was another beautiful afternoon and Jensen left the screen door open to air out the house.  
  
Once they were settled on the loveseat on the deck, Jensen felt himself start to relax again. Being with Jeff was good for him. "Did you come over to give me more advice?"  
  
A little bit of sadness slid into Jeff's eyes. "Can't I just miss you?"  
  
Another good question. Two weeks ago, Jensen would have thought it was amazing to hear Jeff say that. Two weeks ago Jensen would have felt a little thrill at the idea that he and Jeff might be able to be  _more_  than close friends after so long. Yeah. Two weeks ago. But all Jensen could think was that things were different since Jared had come into his life. The fact that it had only been days left Jensen reeling a little.  
  
"I've missed you too," Jensen said. That wasn't a lie. He just found that when he thought about it; Jared had filled up those spare moments with something else, something undefinable yet something that Jensen liked.  
  
"You thinking about him?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
That just earned an eyeroll from Jeff. "Jared."  
  
"I - " Changing his mind about answering without thinking, Jensen sipped some whisky. The sharp burn of it gave him a few moments to think. "I'm not."  
  
There was a smile on Jeff's face again. He stayed quiet but there was a question in his eyes.  
  
"Okay. Maybe I was. But, that makes sense. He'd here all the time. We talk a lot; I'm trying to help him in any way I can. Isn't it natural that he's on my mind?" Jensen was inclined to hope that Jeff had a good answer for him.  
  
"M'not trying to imply anything." Jeff's voice was quiet and he leaned back so he could put his feet up on the coffee table.  
  
"I know, Jeff.  _God_. I'm just a bit lost." Jensen shrugged.  _Lost_  wasn't a big enough word to describe the turmoil in Jensen's mind.  
  
Nodding, Jeff slid his hand over Jensen's thigh and squeezed.  
  
"Don't worry," Jensen said. "I'm just as crazy as you and Danneel think I am."  
  
"I don't think you're crazy. Look, Jensen. I missed you." Closing his eyes, Jeff let his head fall back against he love seat.  
  
"What?" It wasn't often that Jensen saw a look of frustration on Jeff's face.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure I still had a chance with you." When Jeff turned to look at Jensen there was affection in his eyes.  
  
"A chance?" Jensen was certain he knew what Jeff meant. The problem was that it wasn't sitting well in the center of his chest. The weight of it took Jensen's breath away.  
  
"A chance to be more," Jeff said. He sounded certain, as though he had no doubts. That was  _very_  Jeff.  
  
Jensen looked down at his hands where his fingers were wrapped around the glass. The amber liquid left a slight film on the tumblr as Jensen's hand swayed.  
  
"Is  _no answer_  your answer?"  
  
It took a moment or two for Jensen to consider it. He had no expectations of Jared. There were years of space between them. Their lives couldn't have been more opposite. There was no hint from Jared that he was interested in another relationship after what he'd been through.  
  
"I don't know," was the answer that Jensen settled on.  
  
Nodding, Jeff held up his whisky in a salute. "I'll take that for now. It's not a no."  
  
Jensen turned to face Jeff. "What's brought all this on?" He stretched his arm along the back of the couch so his fingers could comb through Jeff's thick, black hair.  
  
"You seem a little different since the kid arrived. I used to think nothing came before your work but you've been away from the practice this entire week. And, you seem to care about the guy."  
  
That hurt a little. If Jeff were implying that Jensen had never shown that he cared about their current relationship he was wrong. "I care about you too, Jeff. It's just always been the same way for us. No dinners with family, no grocery shopping together or picking out draperies."  
  
Shrugging, Jeff let his gaze linger on Jensen then downed his whisky. "True. But we don't have to be limited to that is what I'm saying."  
  
"Okay." Jensen leaned against Jeff's warmth and smiled.  
  
"I'm not saying I won't stop by when you're alone, and fuck you so hard you pass out." The devilish glint was back in Jeff's eyes.  
  
The next breath Jensen drew in felt like it scorched his lungs a little. Warmth crept across Jensen's skin and he shivered slightly. He licked his lips as he stared at Jeff. "Well.  _That_  bypassed my language center and went straight to my cock."  
  
Jeff's laughter was bold and carefree and Jensen knew they had passed through the tension.  
  
For the very first time Jensen was the slightest bit regretful that Jared was down the hall. "I think I'm gonna need a shower after you leave."  
  
"My work here is done." Jeff looked like he was pretty pleased with himself.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Jeff had been gone about an hour when Jared emerged from the guest room.  
  
For his part, Jensen was slumped on the couch hunting for something on the television that wasn't a reality show. He might have even been a little frustrated that Jeff had left after ensuring Jensen would be hot and bothered for the rest of the evening.  
  
"You watchin' TV?" Jared asked almost timidly.  
  
The remote clattered onto the coffee table where Jensen had tossed it. "Do you have  _any_  idea how much complete and utter shit is on TV?"  
  
Jared nodded and sat down at the other end of the couch. "I haven't watched TV for a really long time."  
  
"Weren't allowed to watch TV either?" Regret clawed around in Jensen's mind the moment he said it. He felt even worse when he glanced over at Jared.  
  
There was hurt etched onto the man's features. He tried to hide it by looking down at the floor. All that long hair did the trick and Jared's face disappeared from view.  
  
"I'm sorry," Jensen offered. "I'm tired and short-tempered."  
  
Some idiot on the TV was trying to braid his pageant-attending daughter's hair and Jensen groaned. "Make it stop!"  
  
Jared leaned forward and grabbed the remote then turned the TV off.  
  
The silence in the room was a little heavy which puzzled Jensen. He'd felt like the two of them had been getting used to each other. Being uncomfortable around Jared felt like a real step backwards.  
  
"Jensen, when Jeff was here I got hungry."  
  
A frown creased Jensen's brow. "O...kay."  
  
The muscles in Jared's neck tightened as he swallowed. Jensen always found it hard to look away.  
  
"The thing is. I heard you and Jeff talking. It was a complete accident."  
  
So that's where the discomfort was coming from. Jensen searched his memory for anything that had been said that would have unsettled Jared. "It's not a problem, Jared. I wouldn't think you were trying to eavesdrop, if that's what you're worried about."  
  
"Not really." Jared was restless. His left leg was bouncing, one hand fussing with his hair.  
  
"Don't' sweat it, whatever it is," Jensen said gently.  
  
"Jeff still - he cares about you," Jared murmured.  
  
Jensen's head swivelled towards Jared and he locked his gaze on him. "Yes. He does."  
  
"I bet he doesn't like me being here. Not because he's an asshole or anything. I just bet he misses the time when he could come over here and have you all to himself."  
  
"He - there's - " Jensen dragged a hand down his face. "Jared? What are we talking about?" There was going to be trouble if Jared was heading into another  _I should leave_  phase.  
  
"Are you guys gonna see each other? Like a couple?"  
  
How much had Jared heard while foraging for food? "We spoke about it a little. I think Jeff would really like it."  
  
Looking like he was ready to retreat, Jared smiled weakly. "Good. I mean - not that you asked me but he seems like a great guy. And you enjoy. Well. I'm sure you enjoy being with him."  
  
"Being with him?" Eyes widening slightly, Jensen tilted his head. He was intrigued to see where Jared was going with his current line of questioning.  
  
The smooth flesh on Jared's neck was getting redder by the moment. "I didn't mean anything like. Well, I meant a relationship. You'd be a great guy to-" Jared stopped talking abruptly and stood up.  
  
This time, Jensen didn't regret his instinct. His fingers curled around Jared's wrist and held on Just tight enough. He always needed to give Jared an exit. "Did you hear me answer?"  
  
Finally, Jared looked up and blinked a few times before looking away again and shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I had already interrupted you at the door. I didn't stay around to hear. You guys were having an important discussion."  
  
"It's okay, Jared." Jensen let his thumb sweep over the soft flesh at Jared's wrist. "You didn't interrupt anything."  
  
Still as a statue, Jared stayed  _right_  where he was. "Did you tell him yes?"  
  
So - Jared had heard quite a bit before he'd returned to his room. "I told him that I didn't know."  
  
"That's not a  _no_ ," Jared said.  
  
It was surprising how similar Jared and Jeff were when it came down to it. Chuckling softly Jensen tugged on Jared's wrist, hoping it would entice him to sit again.  
  
But Jared pulled his arm free and paced over to the patio door. "It's not a joke."  
  
Without intending to, Jensen had managed to hurt Jared again. Sometimes, it felt  _way_  too easy. No effort at all. "That wasn't why I was laughing. It's just that Jeff said something similar."  
  
Turning slowly, Jared stared at Jensen. "So, you didn't say  _yes_  to him either, why?"  
  
"You."  
  
Tilting his head, Jared frowned. His brow scrunched up, little wrinkles in his nose and he sighed. "What?"  
  
"I didn't say  _yes_  to him because of you," Jensen said softly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Jared answered quickly. "I can be out of here in a couple of days. I just have to-"  
  
"Jesus! Not because you're here. Because you're …  _you_."  
  
"What?" Jared said again. He looked confused as hell.  
  
"Because a chance with you, as slight as that may be, seems worth it to me." It wasn't really what Jensen expected to say but the truth of it made the words come more easily than he was accustomed to.  
  
All Jensen could hear was the sound of his own heart thumping loudly in his ears. Jared was still, almost a silhouette in the window, dark and a little faded.  
  
"Jared? I'm not asking for anything. No expectations." Jensen kept his voice low and steady. He could imagine how it might have sounded to Jared.  
  
"I can't, Jensen." There was so much pain in Jared's voice that Jensen felt it like a knife blade across his chest.  
  
"I know. I know," Jensen said softly. "All I can do is promise you that I know that. I don't expect it to happen. I'm not trying to be the bad guy here; I just wanted to be honest. I wasn't even sure that  _was_  the reason until you asked me."  
  
Standing slowly, Jensen rubbed his hands on his t-shirt. His palms were damp. After a few steps forward he stopped again, intent on keeping any trust he'd managed to salvage. "Your friend, Jared. That's all I want to be. I know I've given you some mixed signals; I know it. But this is real and as honest as I can get. Hell, it's as honest as I've been with anyone in a really long time about the way I feel." He was feeling a bit like it was as honest as he'd ever been with himself. His words were kind of a surprise each time he opened his mouth.  
  
The sun went behind some clouds and Jared's face emerged from the shadow of the silhouette. His face was full of emotion; his features twisted, teeth clamped down hard on his bottom lip.  
  
"Just your friend, Jared." Jensen sighed and held out his hand towards Jared. "You need a friend, yeah?"  
  
The expression on Jared's face softened and he nodded slowly then dropped his gaze to the floor.  
  
The words Jensen had chosen weren't enough somehow. As much as Jared needed someone in his life who could be counted on, Jensen hadn't managed to say the right thing. Frustrated, he stepped closer and turned his palm up. "And me. I -  _I_  need a friend."  
  
There were teeth marks in Jared's bottom lip when he finally unclamped his jaw.  
  
"I want  _you_  to be my friend," Jensen said as he closed the distance between them.  
  
The sun was lighting up the stray wisps of hair around Jared's head and Jensen wanted to run his fingers along the tips of them. There was always that  _something_  about Jared.  
  
Jared's fingers reached out first and wove through Jensen's. He kept his gaze down, brown locks falling forwards.  
  
With his free hand, Jensen swept the hair back from the man's face.  
  
When Jared finally looked up, there were tears welling in his eyes. It broke Jensen's heart for the hundredth time and he didn't even know exactly what it was that had reached Jared.  
  
Jared's hair was soft and Jensen let his palm smooth it back until he could cradle the man's skull in his hand. No pull. Jared had to come forward to him all on his own.  
  
And then he did.  
  
It only took a half a step forward and Jared was able to slide his arms around Jensen. It was a little clumsy at first. Jared was taller than the men Jensen usually held. His hand was still in Jared's hair. Then they simply managed to get everything in the right place and held on.  
  
"Thank you," Jensen whispered against Jared's hair. As the tension left Jared's body, his arms slid over Jensen's shoulders and circled his neck.  
  
It was good; it felt right. Jensen's hands slid down Jared's firm back and he held him close. They fit together well once they'd relaxed and were just holding each other.  
  
For a while they stood there and clung to each other. It was the one thing that made sense to Jensen in the midst of all the craziness that was whirling around them.  
  
Then Jared did something that sealed Jensen's future. He tightened his grip on Jensen and turned his head to press a soft kiss high on Jensen's cheekbone.  
  
To Jensen, it felt as though the world spun a little too fast for long enough to leave him dizzy and disoriented.  
  
"Thank-you." Jared's voice was just a whisper of warm air against Jensen's cheek. It felt like a final step and a beginning at the same time.  
  
Nodding, Jensen pulled his hands back, grasped Jared's shoulders and moved him away slightly. "Good start?"  
  
The curve of Jared's bottom lip was slight but there was something  _alive_  in his eyes. "Good start."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
"If it's too soon, I can get Danneel to find another locum. Even another week is fine." Jensen straightened his tie for the third time then glanced at the clock on the stove. If he was going to make it to the office on time he had to be on the road in less than ten minutes.  
  
Jared looked up from his cereal long enough to grin then he shook his head. "Go," he mumbled through a mouthful. "You've been here two weeks. Danneel will have a nervous breakdown."  
  
It was funny because it was true. The first week off had been bad enough. Danneel had dealt with a lot of angry patients, rescheduled three meetings and managed not to kill Jensen. Things at the practice had hit a fever pitch halfway through Jensen's second week off work. Danneel had phoned and threatened to quit Wednesday.  
  
The thought of a practice without Danneel was the nudge Jensen needed to discuss returning to work with Jared.  
  
Jared thought it was a good time for Jensen to go back to the practice. He was planning to go to the local college for a meeting with an Advisor to see what options were available to him.  
  
But the moment Jensen was supposed to walk out the front door for the day didn't feel as comfortable as it used to.  
  
"You sure?" Jensen slipped his phone into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.  
  
Again, Jared nodded. He swallowed another mouthful of cereal and stood to walk over to Jensen. His long fingers slid along Jensen's collar to even it out then smooth it down and tuck it under his jacket. "I'll be fine. My ankle is good enough for me to get to the bus. Danneel will  _kill_  you if you don't go and it's your turn to cook so you can't die."  
  
Smiling, Jensen nodded. Jared looked happy and carefree and it suited him.  
  
With that image of Jared in his mind, Jensen back away slowly. "Okay, but you've got the phone, right?"  
  
Laughing, Jared nodded and perched on the edge of the table. "Yes, Jensen."  
  
The phone had been Jensen's idea. He had an old phone and had insisted on getting it hooked up for Jared. It was a  _just-in-case_  thing. There had been enough accidents in Jared's life. And now, there was someone to answer the phone when he called for help.  
  
"Okay," Jensen said again. He was six years old and leaving for the first day of school again.  
  
"Do you need another hug?" Jared had a very serious expression on his face.  
  
Jensen just held out his arms for his friend and they stepped together easily. He liked the smell of Jared's hair, the way the tall idiot managed to practically wrap around Jensen when they hugged. He was beginning to realize just how many things there were to like about Jared.  
  
"Okay," Jensen said brightly. "Once more unto the breach."  
  
Another peal of laughter from Jared shook his body and Jensen rolled his eyes. Pushing Jared back, Jensen grinned and pulled his car keys out of his jacket pocket. "You are crazy. I am leaving."  
  
Jared was already heading back to his cereal when Jensen finally managed to get his feet to move.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The drive to work used to be a relaxing time for Jensen. He would put the radio on in time for the morning news then he would flip over to the mp3 player. He only ever seemed to have time for music when he was in the car.  
  
It had been an insane couple of weeks. For the first time, as far back as he could remember, Jensen wasn't looking forward to going to work. He loved medicine, he'd loved it since his very first day of University. It was like solving one puzzle after another. And he was good at what he did. He prided himself on looking for answers that other physicians might miss.  
  
With Danneel's help, Jensen had built his practice up and he was more successful than he'd even hoped for. It was only since Jared had arrived that Jensen had begun to question whether his life was as complete as it could be.  
  
Jared had made small advances at first. After the roller coaster of the first week, something had changed.  
  
The two men had become friends. Every evening, they would talk for hours. The television was never on and Jensen didn't miss it one bit.  
  
As Jared's ankle had healed, he had begun helping Jensen around the house. They took turns cooking and, as it turned out, Jared was pretty good.  
  
For some reason they spoke about Mark less as the days passed. Jensen chalked it up to Jared's having already revealed the worst incidents. It wasn't like Jensen was able to forget a moment of it anyway.  
  
Jensen wasn't naive. He knew Jared hadn't found a miraculous cure in a few weeks. Sometimes, it was all too obvious.  
  
Every now and then, Jensen would find Jared staring out the window, or looking at some every-day object blankly. He always snapped out of it quickly, but it was there. Jared would wear the scars on his heart much longer than the ones on his flesh. The wounds had been deeper and far more serious.  
  
Part of Jensen still wanted to beat the hell out of Mark. The more he got to know Jared though, the more he hoped that Mark stayed  _very_  far away. There were some wounds that never healed and Mark would rend them open wide again if he were ever near Jared.  
  
Jeff had called a couple of times each week. It felt a little bit different. Now that Jeff had made his interest in Jensen  _known_ , Jensen was more conscious of what he said around the man. In the strangest way, Jensen still hadn't made up his mind about the entire situation.  
  
Jeff was an amazing man. Jensen would have to be a fool not to consider a relationship with someone like Jeff Morgan.  
  
The man was most of the things Jensen imagined made a great partner. He was dedicated to his work and very good at it. Unlike Jensen, Jeff had no problem with people. Half of each consultation he did was counselling. He'd once told Jensen that no one went to see a plastic surgeon unless they had a birth defect or some sort of self-esteem issue.  
  
When he wasn't at work being a super people person, Jeff rode his motorcycle, cooked, spent time at his lake house. But. Jared.  
  
Jeff had been in Jensen's life long enough for them to know each other as only an old married couple could. There was the way that Jeff looked over the top of his glasses when he wanted to pay attention to something Jensen was saying. When he slept, there were times when Jeff would mumble in his sleep.  
  
Over the previous two years, Jensen had spent more time with Jeff than anyone else. But, obviously there was something missing. At least, that was the conclusion Jensen had come to while drinking his coffee one morning across the kitchen table from Jared.  
  
The ticking of the car's turn signal synced up with the music for a few beats. One of those random things that just happens. Like Jared dropping into Jensen's life.  
  
The traffic was lighter than usual and Jensen smiled. He would have time to stop at Starbucks for Danneel's favorite: venti skinny vanilla latte with extra foam. He knew it was going to take a lot more than coffee but it was a start.  
  
The building that housed Jensen's practice appeared along the horizon. A mid-level building, gold-tinted panel windows that shone brightly when the sun was setting. Jensen didn't choose it for its architectural aesthetic; he had wanted his practice to be on a high floor. For some reason he'd always liked the idea of being up off the ground.  
  
It was always good, after all, to have a unique perspective on things.  
  
Lost in thought, Jensen was on auto-pilot for a while. The drive-through wasn't busy, the service was fast and before he knew it, Jensen was pulling into his parking spot.  
  
Naturally, Danneel was already at the office. With a smile on his face and a coffee in each hand, Jensen headed into the elevator.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
There was already a patient waiting for Jensen when he arrived. Danneel had her  _work_  smile on as she handed him the first three patient files.  
  
At least Jensen was spared a lecture before he'd finished his coffee.  
  
The morning went by quickly. Jensen barely had time to think between appointments let alone worry about Jared. That was probably a good thing. About the last thing that would help Jared build confidence was Jensen fretting.  
  
It was almost two when Danneel had scheduled Jensen's lunch. Danneel had ordered them food, so Jensen headed straight to the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, Danneel."  
  
"Hello," Danneel said curtly. Clearly, Jensen was in for a very long stay in the doghouse.  
  
Jensen sat down at the table, hands clasped in front of him. "How are you? We've hardly had a chance to even speak since I got here."  
  
All of Danneel's red mane was pulled up into a ponytail and when Danneel looked up it was almost comical the way the pony tail swung. She fixed her gaze on him before saying anything. "You're going to be busy for a long time so don't held your breath for it to change."  
  
"It's always good to know where I stand." Things could be far worse. Danneel could be giving him the silent treatment; he hated that.  
  
"You're lucky I'm even here," Danneel answered.  
  
Jensen nodded. The only wise plan of action seemed to be agreeing with most everything Danneel said. He opted for staying quiet while Danneel dished out their pasta.  
  
"How is Jared?" Danneel's voice had warmed a little but that didn't surprise Jensen. He'd seen her with Jared a few times; she was really fond of him.  
  
It was a relief to talk about something  _other_  than how rotten Jensen was. "He's doing well. Still limps but his ankle is healing."  
  
"Good." Danneel picked up her plastic fork and stabbed at her plate.  
  
"Dani? I'm really sorry about leaving you to deal with everything. I just needed to be there for Jared. Maybe even for myself."  
  
Finally, Danneel's expression softened and she gave Jensen a half-smile. "You've been very kind to him."  
  
"Doesn't feel like he's the one benefitting from this," Jensen said.  
  
"Hmm," Danneel said noncommittally.  
  
"He's very sweet...but you already know that." Jensen smiled. In spite of Danneel's ability to make Jensen suffer, he had really missed her.  
  
"He  _is_  sweet."  
  
Tilting his head slightly, Jensen kept his eyes on Danneel's face as he pulled his pasta closer. "I haven't touched him. Well, we hug. Does that meet with your approval?"  
  
Very slowly and deliberately, Danneel crossed her legs then smoothed her skirt down. "Yes. I"ll kick your ass if-"  
  
"- I hurt him. I know." Jensen smiled then put a fork full of pasta into his mouth.  
  
"You know I'm capable of it," Danneel quipped.  
  
Mouth still full, Jensen nodded and held up his hands in mock surrender.  
  
Danneel finally cracked a smile. She tucked into her own pasta and moaned happily.  
  
It was good pasta from one of their favorite lunch places.  
  
"So. Danneel. I want to thank you for running things while I was gone. I could never have done it, taken care of Jared, without you here to take over."  
  
Smiling, Danneel put her fork down and took a sip of her coffee. "It's okay. But if you  _ever_  do this again with no notice I'm not responsible for what I might do to you."  
  
"Fair enough," Jensen agreed.  
  
"And Jeff?"  
  
 _Jeff._  Jensen hadn't expected that question. "What about Jeff?"  
  
"Last time we had drinks he said he was hoping things would get more serious between the two of you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Serious. Like a relationship."  
  
"No, no. I mean - when did you and Jeff get to know each other well enough to be going for drinks?"  
  
Danneel cocked an eyebrow. "Who do you think talks to him every time he calls here because your phone is turned off and he's trying to reach you to set up a date?"  
  
She had a valid point.  
  
"Oh." It was beginning to dawn on Jensen that he may have been missing some signs from Jeff.  
  
"How does Jeff fit into all of this, Jensen?"  
  
The pasta suddenly seemed really unappealing and Jensen pushed the dish away and set his fork down again. "Can't he just fit where he always has?"  
  
The smile on Danneel's face was a little sad.  
  
"He told me what he wanted, Danneel." Saying it aloud changed the way Jensen thought of Jeff's question. It suddenly felt more weighty; as solid as the table was under his now-sweating palms.  
  
Danneel left her fork on her plate and pressed a napkin to her tinted lips. "And what was your answer?"  
  
"I told him that I didn't know," Jensen said slowly.  
  
"Because you're not sure if you want a relationship?"  
  
Jensen closed his eyes and pressed his thumb and forefinger hard against them. "I think I would like to try it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"A relationship."  
  
"With Jeff?"  
  
"That's the difficult part."  
  
Danneel pressed her lips together for a few moments. "Isn't that the kind of thing you should know?"  
  
Jensen realized he was making himself sound far worse than he was. But then he hadn't expected to be talking about it over lunch. There was a simple answer for all of his indecision. When his gaze met Danneel's he said, "Jared."  
  
Long, black lashes fell to Danneel's cheeks and she shook her head slowly. "Jensen. Honey. I know that you care about Jared but -"  
  
"No. Don't," Jensen interrupted. "Do not sit there and tell me that this can't happen because it  _can_." He'd surprised himself. He didn't feel as certain as he sounded that anything would happen but he was beginning to realize he was really hoping that there was some kind of chance "It … could happen."  
  
The look in Danneel's eyes made Jensen feel a little lost. It was as though he was the only one who didn't know the secret; everyone else felt sorry for him, sad that he was so blind.  
  
Jensen rubbed at the tension that was gathering down the back of his neck. "You know? I don't think I'm as shallow as everyone thinks. The thing with Jeff-"  
  
"-Jensen, you don't need to explain your personal life to me," Danneel said quickly.  
  
"But I feel like I do," Jensen protested. "I've made some choices other people may not have, I've made a few mistakes. I get that. But doesn't everyone do that same thing to a certain degree?"  
  
Blinking slowly, Danneel nodded.  
  
Jensen wasn't finished. "I don't know about Jeff; just like I don't know about Jared. Jeff may have been thinking about relationships for a while, but I wasn't. All I thought about was work, having a drink or two with Jeff - day to day stuff. Now, I don't know what I'm thinking half the time."  
  
As Jensen had continued Danneel's eyes had widened with surprise. Admittedly, it was probably the most that Jensen had ever said about his private life. It certainly wasn't he kind of thing Danneel was used to hearing from her boss, let alone her friend.  
  
"I'm sorry," Jensen added shakily.  
  
The calm demeanor resettled itself on Danneel's face and she smiled. "Sorry for telling me the truth?"  
  
For a moment, Jensen thought it was a trick question. "No…"  
  
"Good." After flashing a pleased grin at Jensen, Danneel began eating again as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  
  
Narrowing his eyes, Jensen stared at Danneel. "That's it?"  
  
Without uttering a word, Danneel nodded.  
  
It was a little unsatisfying. Jensen had expected  _some_  kind of response. He certainly hadn't expected Danneel to just be … happy. "Are you going to yell at me later or something? Wait till my defenses are down?"  
  
Danneel choked as her laughter caught her off guard and it was a while before she could regain her composure. "I'm not some kind of predator circling you."  
  
Even though Jensen didn't entirely agree with that statement; he thought it wise not to remark upon it.  
  
Danneel sighed and reached across the table to grab Jensen's hand. "Look. Jensen. Maybe I underestimated you. I think you do care about Jared  _and_  Jeff. A lot, obviously. It seems like you might have to make a difficult choice."  
  
Nodding, Jensen felt the cool pleasure of relief. As new as he was to  _pouring his heart out_ , he seemed to have gotten something right. Usually, Danneel ended up infuriated with him when she tried to get him to talk about his life.  
  
"It's been … difficult," Jensen ventured.  
  
"Trying to decide?"  
  
"Waiting. I feel like everything is happening  _to_  me or  _around_  me. Nothing I can control." It felt a little like the more Jensen spoke, the easier it became. No matter how weird some of his issues felt inside his mind, Danneel seemed to understand them.  
  
"Waiting is always hard," Danneel said warmly. "Especially when you don't know what you're waiting  _for_."  
  
Jensen rubbed at his eyes again and smiled at Danneel. "Thank you."  
  
"For what?" Danneel smiled again.  
  
"For listening. For being my friend even though…" Jensen shrugged. The conversation had veered into dangerous territory.  
  
Danneel smiled and nodded, looking for all the world as though she knew exactly what Jensen was saying. He really had no idea so he couldn't help smiling back.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Once Jensen had returned to work, time seemed to move at a very different pace. His days felt a little longer and he was always more relieved to arrive back home. And, strangely enough, at the same time the days seemed to be speeding past.  
  
They continued with their schedule of physiotherapy in the evenings. Jared healed quickly; at least, his physical wounds did. As the days passed, Jared's mobility improved greatly. Soon he was walking with only a minor limp. It was strange in the early days to see Jared walking around normally. He seemed taller; not that Jensen minded.  
  
As for what was going on inside Jared's head; only he knew for certain.  
  
Jensen didn't push to hear any more about the things that Jared had been forced to endure.  
  
There were slight improvements. Jared seemed to stand a little straighter. His broad shoulders were a little more squared, the smile on his face held more confidence and less uncertainty. It was nice to see.  
  
Jensen liked to think that he had contributed a little to the changes in Jared's demeanor. He'd been a good  _friend_ , or, at least, what he thought a good friend was.  
  
There were problems too. Not really for Jared. He had no trouble getting admitted to the college. He even talked about people he'd met in his classes and seemed to be making friends.  
  
The problems were, really, in Jensen's mind. They weren't even  _really_  problems. The one thing that seemed consistent was Jensen's confusion.  
  
As he got to know Jared more, he certainly grew to care about him more. They seemed to fit well in each other's lives. There were even moments when Jensen thought that spending time with Jared was altering both of them.  
  
Jeff had noticed some changes in Jensen. He claimed that he liked the new and improved Jensen. Jeff said that Jensen was more open, a little more willing to speak about himself, a better listener. Even though Jensen was pleased to know Jeff's observations, it didn't make it any easier for him to deal with the fact that he was still confused about the two men in his life.  
  
He might be more open but he still wasn't sure he knew what road he was on. He certainly wasn't sure who might be awaiting him at the end of his journey.  
  
And so, their routine settled into place and days became weeks and life moved on for them. By the time Jared was healed and pulling his weight around the house, Jensen had pushed a lot of feelings aside in his mind.  
  
Then one day things shifted gears again. The fall afternoon had started out warm and sunny. Jensen had put some sheets on the clothesline to dry. He'd endured a fair amount of teasing about his clothesline. Jared had taken to calling him Granny Jen when they were outside pinning the sheets up.  
  
Jensen had invested a lot of time in explaining that he loved the smell of sheets that were dried outside. It was the  _one_  thing around the place he insisted on doing himself. He'd wash the bedding and hang it to dry. He didn't care who did the rest of the laundry.  
  
"Jensen!"  
  
Jared's voice was edged with panic and Jensen looked up from his iPad to quickly scan the room. "What? You okay? Is there-"  
  
"Rain," Jared called out as he bolted through the living room and out the patio doors.  
  
Jensen had no idea how he'd missed it but it had started to  _pour_. All of his mostly dry, freshly laundered sheets would be soaked again.  
  
Scrambling off the couch, Jensen tugged his jeans up as he rounded the coffee table. He could already hear the rain pounding harder on the roof when he headed through the patio doors.  
  
"Fuck," Jensen spat as the first of the cold rain drops soaked into his thin t-shirt. He heard Jared laughing and watched his friend duck under the sheets to start unpinning one of them.  
  
Jensen's feet were bare and even though the grass was soft, the rain was cool. Then Jensen discovered that it was more than a _little_  slippery. His feet shot out from under him as he got to the end of the clothesline and he landed with a wet thump on the lawn.  
  
"God, Jensen. Are you… okay?" Jared peered around the sheet. He was already beginning to laugh by the time he was kneeling at Jensen's side.  
  
All Jensen managed was a low groan as he caught his breath. He had to take a few minutes to regain his ability to breathe properly. "Ass hurts."  
  
 _That_  made Jared laugh even harder. The rain was driving down into them, Jensen could feel the damp soaking into his jeans and all he could think was how great Jared looked.  
  
Jared was already soaked. The rain was beading on the ends of his long hair, falling off the tip of his nose in pregnant drips. The cream-colored t-shirt he was wearing was already plastered to his skin; it fit every curve, every cut of muscle. Then he threw his head back as he laughed; it was so carefree that Jensen's heart ached a little.  
  
A crack of lightning startled them both and Jared crawled forward to try and help Jensen up. "Gonna get hit by lightning."  
  
"What?" Jensen sputtered. He and Jared clasped wrists but the ground was too slippery. Rather than helping Jensen get up, Jared ended up spinning him around in a circle on his ass then collapsing into another fit of laughter.  
  
Jensen couldn't help but join in the laughter. He flopped down in the mud and crawled back towards Jared. All the laughing had made him cough and when he covered his mouth, all he could taste was mud.  
  
Still grinning, Jared scooted forward and reached up to wipe at the dirt that was all over Jensen's face. "You're a  _mess_."  
  
"You dragged me through the mud!" Jensen tried for indignant but it was impossible not to find the entire situation amusing.  
  
"I was helping," Jared declared before wiping his hand down Jensen's neck.  
  
Even with the rain stinging Jensen's face and arms he could feel the intense heat of Jared's touch. He let his eyes close as a shiver rattled his body. It was an exotic combination of sensations. Hot and slick, Jared's hand moved down his neck to his shoulders. His long fingers slipped under the ragged edge of Jensen's t-shirt collar.  
  
The cold rain drops reached Jensen's scalp and slithered down the back of his neck.  
  
Jared moved closer until Jensen could see the multicolored flecks in the man's eyes. They were dark, the pupils wide under lashes covered in drops of water.  
  
Jensen was almost afraid to move. He could feel the pull, the way Jared was looking at him made his heart pound. It was different, something had changed. The pink tip of Jared's tongue swept up the rainwater on his bottom lip. His eyes never left Jensen's, his fingers still a warm weight on Jensen's shoulder.  
  
A smile settled on Jensen's lips and he dug his fingers into his thighs to stop himself from reaching for Jared.  
  
"Jensen…" Jared's lashes fell to his cheeks; the grip he had on Jensen's shoulder tightened until it was almost painful.  
  
"It's okay, Jared. I'm not - I won't - "  
  
The words were swallowed up by Jared's mouth as it was crushed against Jensen's. Rainwater made the kiss slick and Jared grabbed a fistfull of Jensen's shirt to pull him closer, keep the burn of their lips together. The heat of the kiss and the cool of the rain made everything feel a little surreal.  
  
Jensen gasped as Jared's fingers gripped his short hair. He held Jensen still, mouthed his way along Jensen's jaw as though tasting every inch of skin. "J - Jared?"  
  
But Jared's hands tightened in Jensen's hair as the other clawed at the front of his t-shirt desperately. The material ripped as Jared yanked Jensen forward, his mouth was on Jensen's again. Jensen pressed a hand against Jared's firm chest and pushed gently. He could hardly breathe. His heart was pounding, his lips burning.  
  
Jensen pushed a little harder and finally, Jared broke away from the kiss. He was panting softly, the rain still trickling down his skin.  
  
"Jared. I - this isn't - "  
  
Then Jared was in motion. He slipped as he tried to regain his footing and fell back to the ground for a moment. Mud splashed up across Jensen's face. He swung his hand up to wipe it away and watched in horror as Jared flinched away from the movement.  
  
"Jared. No!"  
  
But Jared had already scrambled to his feet and was racing across the yard. He disappeared through the back gate before Jensen even managed to find his feet.  
  
Jensen ran after Jared. slipped a couple of times then swore when something sharp stabbed into the bottom of his foot. He called out for Jared as he limped towards the back of yard but the man was long gone. "Fuck," Jensen said softly.  
  
Jeff's laughter rang out from somewhere behind Jensen and he spun to face his friend.  
  
The smile on Jeff's face faded instantly. "Jensen? What the  _fuck_  is going on?"  
  
Jensen could only just hear Jeff over the rain.  _Jeff_. He had no idea where Jeff had come from but he needed the man's help.  
  
"Jared's gone," He said as he limped forward to meet Jeff. "He-"  
  
"What happened to your foot?" Jeff's strong arm slid around Jensen's waist. "You're bleeding."  
  
"What?" Jensen hopped slightly, eyes still trained on the back fence, hoping that Jared would appear again. "I have to find Jared."  
  
"You  _have_  to go inside out of the rain so I can dry you off and take a look at your foot."  
  
Shoving Jeff aside, Jensen stumbled sideways a couple of steps. "He wasn't wearing a jacket … and...and. I don't even know if he had shoes on. Where is he even going to go?"  
  
Jeff was staring. Small curls of black hair clung to Jeff's wet cheeks and forehead. "Jensen, calm down. What the  _hell_  is wrong?"  
  
"He has nowhere to go."  
  
"He's a big boy, Jensen. He'll figure it out." Jeff strode over and grabbed Jensen's arm and tugged him toward the house.  
  
After a last look along the back of the yard Jensen leaned on Jeff as they climbed the steps up to the deck and headed inside.  
  
As soon as the warmth inside the house hit Jensen's skin he began shivering.  
  
Jeff had disappeared down the hallway and Jensen sank down onto the sofa and grabbed his phone. He pulled up Jared's number and hit it then groaned when he heard it ringing down the hall. "Fuck!"  
  
"What has gotten into you?" There was a towel slung over Jeff's shoulder and he was carrying the first aid kit from the main bathroom.  
  
"I'm  _worried_ ; did you  _miss_  the part where I said Jared took off?"  
  
There was a brief flash of hurt on Jeff's face then it was replaced by a pierce glare. "Don't take this  _shit_  out on me. I don't deserve it."  
  
Jensen sighed and took a few deep breaths. Jeff was right and Jensen felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. He'd never once spoken to Jeff like that before.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jeff," Jensen murmured. "I'm really sorry." And Jensen felt like shit. He'd managed to chase off Jared and treat Jeff like Hell all in the span of a few minutes.  
  
"Don't worry 'bout it. Let me look at your foot." Jeff knelt at Jensen's feet and opened the first aid kit. He rustled around inside it for a few moments. "You gonna tell me what happened?"  
  
Jensen had known he was going to have to talk about it but he wasn't happy. "The rain."  
  
"Rain happens," Jeff said in that low, rumbling voice of his. He held Jensen's heel and checked the bottom of his foot. "You're a mess. Why did Jared take off?"  
  
Jensen winced when Jeff's thumb moved nearer the wound. "He - okay. I was running to save the laundry."  
  
"You and your damn laundry. You need stitches." Jeff began to clean the wound carefully.  
  
"I fell, slipped and we were laughing. The suture kit is in the locked cabinet in the hallway. You know where my keys are."  
  
Jeff pushed up from his knees and headed down the hall. "Laughing doesn't generally make people run away," Jeff called out.  
  
"No, it doesn't," Jensen muttered under his breath. "He kissed me and I tried to stop him. He stopped but…" Jensen ran through everything in his mind. It didn't feel like Jared should have misinterpreted his actions. But then, Jared had a far different experience of life than Jensen had.  
  
Emerging from the hall, Jeff set a small metal case down beside Jensen. "You stopped him from kissing you?"  
  
"Don't sound so surprised. I am  _capable_  of saying no."  
  
Shrugging a shoulder, Jeff smirked. He rolled Jensen's pant leg up and perched on the edge of the coffee table so he could settle Jensen's foot on his lap. "He took off because he was pissed?"  
  
"What?" Jensen asked. "No. No, he - I ,  _Jesus_. I don't even know and  _ow_."  
  
"Don't be a baby. You're lucky to get a plastic surgeon doing the stitching." Jeff had filled a syringe with anaesthetic and began injecting it around the cut.  
  
It hurt, but Jensen was still distracted by figuring out what had happened in the garden. He'd raised his hand to wipe the mud from his face and Jared had reared back as though he was frightened.  
  
A painful knot formed in Jensen's stomach and Jeff chose that moment to inject the final shot  _right_  in the wound. " _Jesus._ "  
  
"Sorry," Jeff murmured. "Few minutes to numb up completely. Foot's a damn painful place for needles." Jeff pressed both thumbs to the ball of Jensen's foot and massaged it gently.  
  
"He thought that I was going to hit him," Jensen said.  
  
"What?" When Jeff looked up his eyes were wide with surprise. "You'd never hit anyone. That's ridiculous."  
  
"He doesn't know that," Jensen answered quickly. Hell, he was just starting to figure it out himself. Jared really didn't have much reason to trust anyone. He'd trusted Mark and that had, obviously, backfired at some point. There had to have been a  _first_ moment when Jared had been expecting something loving and been on the receiving end of a punch instead.  
  
"He'll come back when he cools off," Jeff said. His hands had moved to Jensen's ankle and he kept rubbing.  
  
"He's not angry, Jeff; he's scared." It was much worse, as far as Jensen was concerned.  
  
"Jensen. You don't need to baby him. He's been hurt; I get that. But he's not as fragile as you think or he wouldn't have survived something like this in the first place."  
  
"I don't think he's fragile," Jensen muttered. His mind went back to the way that Jared had yanked him forward so their mouths collided. He swallowed the emotion that felt like it was going to choke him.  
  
"You okay?" Jeff was holding a needle just above the wound in Jensen's foot.  
  
"Fine, can't feel a thing." Jensen let his head fall back and groaned.  
  
"I mean, are you okay about Jared? You know he's gonna be fine, right?"  
  
Jensen sighed and tipped his head forward so he could watch as Jeff concentrated on the suturing. "I know he'll be okay eventually. I just - I didn't expect him to think that I could  _ever_  hurt him. He knows he can trust me."  
  
"He doesn't trust anyone, Jensen, and he won't for a very long time."  
  
"I would never hurt him."  
  
"Finished. Fourteen stitches, you idiot," Jeff said fondly as he rubbed Jensen's shin. "I'll fill a script for antibiotics and drop it by later. It was pretty dirty before I cleaned it out."  
  
Nodding, Jensen pulled his foot up onto the couch so he could survey the damage before Jeff bandaged it up. "Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome." Jeff pulled Jensen's foot back onto his lap. "Jared is going to be fine. You know, I bet he's gonna call soon. Probably at school or something with a friend."  
  
"Maybe," Jensen said. He didn't think Jeff was right though. Jeff hadn't seen Jared's face; he hadn't seen how terrified Jared had been in that brief instant. Jensen found it hard to believe that it was just a minor setback.  
  
"Was it good?" Jeff clipped the bandage off and set Jensen's foot down on the floor gently.  
  
"Was what good?" Jensen asked. His foot was beginning to throb a little and he rubbed at his forehead.  
  
"Him kissing you. You said you stopped him. Wasn't good?" Jeff stood, stretched his back out then sat down on the couch close to Jensen.  
  
For just a moment, Jensen rubbed his fingers over his lips. It already felt like the kiss had happened a long time ago. "I guess. It - I just didn't want to push things. Everyone seems to think that he needs a friend, right?"  
  
"We're friends. We have been known to kiss." Jeff's voice was so near Jensen's ear it surprised him and sent a little shiver down his arm.  
  
"We. Yes. We are, we have." Jensen licked his lips. He could still feel the heat of Jared's lips against his, the way his fingers had felt so  _strong_  on Jensen's t-shirt. Jeff's voice slithered around that, wrapping it up like a package of  _want_  that Jensen found it difficult to ignore.  
  
Jeff nosed into Jensen's still-damp hair, his arm sliding along the back of the couch and then falling to Jensen's shoulders. "I'm sorry you were hurt."  
  
As usual, the low purr of Jeff's voice travelled down Jensen's body like a shock wave. He knew Jeff cared about him, there was a level of trust between that Jensen had never really had with anyone else. It was hard not to be attracted to that. "Jeff."  
  
"Hmmm?" The short beard on Jeff's face rasped down Jensen's cheek then Jeff's lips pressed to the corner of Jensen's mouth. "Anything you want," he murmured.  
  
Jensen's hand landed on Jeff's thigh and squeezed. He could feel Jeff flex the muscle and his breath caught. "Jeff, I-"  
  
The phone ringing from the arm of the safa made Jensen start and pull away from Jeff as though they'd been caught. "Fuck, I gotta.."  
  
Nodding, Jeff fell back against the sofa and adjusted the fit of his jeans across his lap.  
  
The phone almost slipped out of Jensen's hand but he managed to answer the call. "Hello?"  
  
"What the  _hell_  is happening?" Danneel whispered on the other end of the phone.  
  
"To me? I was - I was getting stitches," Jensen really  _was_  starting to believe that Danneel had some sort of spooky, supernatural power.  
  
"Stitches?" Danneel's tone changed instantly and Jensen could tell she was worried. "Are you okay? Where are you?"  
  
"Home. Jeff stopped by right as I - what's up, Danneel? Did you need something?"  
  
"An answer for why Jared was in the lobby of my building when I got home and why he looks like he's been trying to outrun the devil in the rain." Danneel was back to sounding accusatory again. She'd obviously decided that Jeff's presence negated the need for her to worry.  
  
"Danneel. This is  _not_  my fault. Did you ask  _him_  what happened?" Jensen wouldn't mind leaving it in Jared's words. It might make a little more sense coming from his point of view.  
  
"He said something about a kiss and a mistake but he was so messed up I had to give him an Ativan. He was panicking, Jensen. What did you  _do_  to him this time?"  
  
It shouldn't have hurt but it did. Jensen was getting pretty tired of his friends always assuming the worst. "I didn't do  _anything_ , Danneel. Jared kissed  _me_  and I stopped him. Did you  _hear_  that?  _I_  stopped  _him._  I moved too quickly and I think he misinterpreted what I was going to do." All the words came tumbling out so quickly that Danneel was actually speechless for once.  
  
"I tried to chase him, Danneel. But my feet were bare and I stepped on something and cut my foot open-"  
  
"Fourteen  _perfect_  stitches," Jeff called out loud enough for Danneel to hear.  
  
There was silence on the phone for a while. "I'm sorry, Jensen."  
  
"Is he okay?" Jensen couldn't imagine how badly Jared had felt. He'd managed to get to Danneel's house pretty quickly so he must have run most of the way.  
  
"Cold, soaked, exhausted. Mostly, I think he was terrified that you'd be angry with him," Danneel said quietly. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "He made me promise not to call you - but I thought you'd want to know he was okay."  
  
"Thank you," Jensen said softly. Even though Danneel had thought the whole mess might have been his fault, at least she'd still phoned him. At least, there was that.  
  
"I don't know what to do with him, Jensen," Danneel whispered into the phone. "He won't even take a towel; he's just sitting there on my bench dripping and -  _God_  Jensen. I think he needs you."  
  
Something warm and pleasant grew in Jensen's chest and he pressed the phone to his forehead for a moment before answering. "We'll come and get him; Jeff will drive me over."  
  
"I will?" Jeff shifted lazily and groaned.  
  
Jensen turned to his friend and hissed, "You will!" before telling Dannel they would be right over.  
  
Fortunately, Jeff had brought his truck, not the bike. It took a few minutes for Jensen to find his jacket and a minor argument when Jeff said he should go alone and Jensen should put his foot up. Then they were in the truck and heading to Danneel's.  
  
Jeff didn't ask for directions; he'd obviously been to Danneel's before. Jensen was beginning to wonder how he'd missed the blossoming friendship between his two besties. It sure seemed like they were good friends already.  
  
The two men were silent on the drive over. Jensen was lost in thought; he couldn't help the way his fingers fidgeted with the seatbelt buckle. All he wanted to do was get Jared back home where he belonged. They could sort out the kiss things. It had quite clearly been a bad idea. He was  _sure_  Jared would understand that given the way things had turned out.  
  
Jensen's nerves were pretty frayed by the time they arrived at Danneel's building.  
  
"What the hell?" Jeff mumbled as he pulled up in front of the tall condo building.  
  
Danneel was jogging down the front steps, clad in yoga pants and a tank top.  
  
Before Jensen could get his door open, Danneel practically slammed into it. She slapped her hand against the window until Jensen finally managed to find the button to lower it.  
  
"He's gone," Danneel said breathlessly.  
  
"What?" Jensen's heart felt like it was going to bear right out of his chest.  
  
Jeff leaned forward for a clear view of Danneel. "We came straight here. What happened?"  
  
"It's not like I could keep him locked up, Jeff. Have you  _seen_  Jared? He's huge!" Danneel scowled at Jeff and turned her gaze back to Jensen. "I think he heard me talking to you, Jensen. He'd asked me not to call. I feel just  _horrible_."  
  
Sliding his hand over Danneel's, Jensen smiled. "You did the right thing. Don't worry; we'll find him."  
  
"Nothing I would rather do," Jeff said dryly.  
  
" _Find_  him, Jeff," Danneel ordered. She squeezed Jensen's hand and stepped back quickly so they could drive away.  
  
"When did  _you_  become the good one?" Jeff muttered as he pulled away from the curb.  
  
"When did  _you_  start hanging out with Dani?"  
  
Jeff smiled a little as he headed into traffic. "You got a new friend to play with; so did I."  
  
It was something Jensen couldn't really argue with.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	5. Chapter 5

Even though neither of them could think of a  _place_  that Jared might go, they headed up and down the roads that were between Jensen's and Danneel's. Jensen was still a little surprised that Jared had gone to Danneel's. He was getting tired of realizing that he didn't know his own friends very well.  
  
There was no sign of Jared anywhere along the main roads. Twice Jensen had yelled at Jeff to pull over when he thought he'd seen Jared. It never  _was_  Jared though.  
  
Jensen's frustration grew as they drove. Jeff tried to say a few reassuring things but, really, nothing could make Jensen feel better until he knew that Jared was safe. Every so often he would try the rarely-used house phone but there was never an answer. It was like Jared had just disappeared.  
  
After about forty-five minutes of driving all over the city, Jeff began trying to persuade Jensen to go home. He told him that Jared was likely to go back there when he had calmed down anyway.  
  
The throbbing in Jensen's foot was beginning to get his attention. The freezing had long since worn off and the pain was breaking through. It was Jensen's cue to finally give up the search and let Jeff drive him back home.  
  
Truth be told, Jensen was exhausted. The sun was setting, the rain had eased up and his chest ached with all the tension. Jensen was beginning to wonder if he would ever see Jared again.  
  
Maybe Jared would just disappear from his life the way he'd entered it. It could all be over and Jensen would have missed the ending.  
  
"Jensen?" Jeff's voice was gentle, his fingers ghosting over Jensen's cheek.  
  
Jensen recognized his street. He sighed and forced a smile for Jeff.  
  
"Hey," Jeff said. When Jensen looked up, Jeff nodded in the direction of the house.  
  
Jensen squinted through the window then saw a tall figure leaning against the wall by the front door.  _Jared._  
  
"I'll be damned," Jeff said slowly.  
  
Jensen felt a bit frozen. Now that he could see that Jared was safe, he wasn't sure what he felt about everything.  
  
He was tired; he knew that. Exhaustion began to sink down on Jensen's shoulders and his head felt heavy. "God."  
  
Jeff opened his door. "I'll help you get inside." He didn't wait for Jensen's answer, just slipped out of the truck and headed around to the passenger door.  
  
Jensen might not be able to put it into words but he was really glad that Jeff was with him. In spite of everything that had gone on, Jeff had been the most consistent person in Jensen's life. He was always there when Jensen needed him; that was the kind of friendship that no one could ever pay back in full.  
  
As soon as Jeff slipped his hand around Jensen's arm he slid out of the truck. Pain shot up from his foot as soon as he tried to put weight on it.  
  
For the second time that day, Jeff slipped his arm under Jensen's and helped him to limp slowly up the path to the front door.  
  
"Jensen?" Jared's voice was quiet, unsteady. He was still soaked. The rain full had lightened but Jared had been walking around in it for hours. He was shivering; his thin t-shirt still plastered to his chest. "What did you do? Are you hurt?"  
  
Jeff bristled at Jensen's side. "He tore his foot open running after  _you_ , ass-"  
  
"- Jeff," Jensen interrupted as gently as he could. "Please."  
  
For a few uncomfortable moments, Jeff and Jared just stared at each other. Jensen blew out a breath and limped closer to the door so he could unlock it. As soon as the door swung open, Jensen gestured for Jared to head in.  
  
Jared headed inside quickly and bent to try and untie the tight knots in the laces of his sneakers. "Forgot my keys," he muttered.  
  
Jensen nodded and turned back to Jeff. "Jeff, thank you  _so_  much. I can't…" Jensen shrugged and shook his head helplessly.  
  
After glaring down at Jared, Jeff moved a little closer. His fingers settled on Jensen's hip possessively. "I can stay.Spend the night if you want. Take care of you - your foot."  
  
"It's okay. We. Jared and I need to sort this out. And it's been a long day." Jensen slid his hand up Jeff's arm and gripped his shoulder.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
Staying quiet, Jensen simply nodded.  
  
Leaning forward, Jeff caught Jensen's mouth under his own. Jensen's lips parted immediately and he felt like he could just melt forward into Jeff's body heat.  
  
It was the sound of Jared's footsteps retreating from the door that broke through to Jensen. Pulling back slightly, He kissed the bow of Jeff's upper lip and smiled. "Go on, I'll call you tomorrow."  
  
Just when Jensen thought that Jeff might argue some more, his friend nodded and stepped back. "Okay. But you  _call_  if you need anything."  
  
"I will."  
  
"A glass of water." Jeff shrugged as he took a few steps backwards. "Burger, massage, someone to sleep with you and keep you warm."  
  
Jensen laughed softly and watched as Jeff headed down the path to his truck. The engine roared to life and Jeff pulled away.  
  
That left no other option for Jensen but heading inside to face Jared. As frantically as he'd been searching for Jared all afternoon, now that he was standing in the living room he wasn't so sure he knew what to say.  
  
Finally, Jensen moved in and closed the door behind him. He slipped out of his shoes and limped back into the living room.  
  
Jared was standing at the patio doors, staring out into the dwindling light. The sheets were still hanging on the line, one of them almost wrapped around the thin cable.  _A thousand years ago._  
  
Jensen cleared his throat and folded his arms tightly across his chest. "You cold? You must be."  
  
"I'm okay," Jared said without turning around.  
  
Frustration boiled over and Jensen through his hands up. "Fine. Stay in wet fucking clothes all night. I'm too tired to care."  
  
Jared flinched and turned around slowly. His hands were clenched at his sides into tight fists. "I'm sorry."  
  
Jensen's eyes widened in amazement. "You're sorry now? For what?"  
  
"Making you so angry." Jared stepped forward hesitantly. "I didn't mean to. You've been really great to me-"  
  
"Great?" Jensen couldn't help laughing. Sometimes, he felt like he and Jared moved in two completely different worlds.  
  
"I shouldn't have kissed you."  
  
That stopped Jensen's laughter. But,  _there_  it was. "Oh."  
  
"You got angry," Jared said quickly, sounding a little desperate.  
  
"What? No," Jensen said. "I haven't been angry until now. And. And. Fuck, Jared. I'm angry because I care so fucking much about you and I'm exhausted and sore and I don't know what to do."  
  
Each word had made Jared blink and Jensen was sure the man was making a concerted effort not to react. His hands finally uncurled from the fists that had drained all the blood from his hands. "Jensen?"  
  
"No, this isn't fair! I wasn't angry before, not for a moment. Surprised, pleased, then scared shitless. Never angry. And I'm only angry because all I want to do is just hold onto you, grab you and hang on and I'm too scared to even touch you. I don't know how to do - whatever the fuck it is you  _need_  me to." Jensen realized he was saying too much but,  _hell_ , he was at the end of his rope. He rolled some of the tension out of his shoulders and squared them defiantly. If Jared tried to leave again, this time, Jensen would be ready.  
  
Jared was still for awhile and then took a few hesitant steps forward. He seeme to gain a little confidence as he moved and soon he was in front of Jensen. "I'm sorry."  
  
Jensen closed his eyes. He couldn't stand to hear Jared apologizing again. Sure, things had gone a little off the rails but it certainly wasn't Jared's fault alone.  
  
"Jensen?" Jared's breath was warm on Jensen's cheek. He was  _so_  close. "I shouldn't have run from you."  
  
Without opening his eyes, Jensen nodded. He didn't want to open his eyes and see Jared's face  _right_  there. Everything felt impossibly difficult already.  
  
His plans were foiled when Jared's hand landed on his hip. Jensen's eyes popped open and he found himself staring into Jared's eyes. A smile slipped naturally onto his lips and his brow furrowed slightly. Jared was probably the most confusing person that Jensen had ever met.  
  
"I should have stayed to talk to you about it," Jared said softly. His fingers hooked over the waistband of Jensen's jeans and tugged.  
  
For a moment, Jensen resisted then he let himself be pulled into the strong circle of Jared's arms.  
  
He fell into Jared's hard chest, arms looping around the taller man's neck. It felt good. Even cold and wet, Jared's arms were strong, his chest warming the drenched material of his t-shirt.  
  
"Don't do that again," Jensen murmured against the cool flesh of Jared's neck.  
  
"I absolutely will not," Jared answered. His fingers moved over Jensen's hip and spread wide over the small of his back. He kept Jensen there, flush against his body.  
  
For the first time, Jensen was all too aware of how huge Jared was. Jensen wasn't exactly a small guy; he was taller than most of the men he worked with. Jared, however, had quite a few inches on him.  
  
The width of Jared's shoulders was in perfect proportion to his body. His broad chest was firm and Jensen  _loved_  the way he could feel the pull and twist of muscles. He had to unclasp his hands and let them slide down over Jared's chest, over the bumps of tight abs then to Jared's slender waist. His hips were narrower than Jensen's, the cut of his bone was sharp, pressed into Jensen's palms even through denim.  
  
Jensen sucked in a long, deep breath full of the scent of Jared's hair, still damp from the rain. It was good; it was all good. The feel of Jared, the fresh smell, the way one dimple appeared before the other when he smiled. There were so many things about Jared the were amazing and great and he was Jensen's … friend.  
  
"You need to get off your foot." Jared's lips were  _right_  beside Jensen's ear and he couldn't help closing his eyes and burying his face in Jared's neck.  
  
"It's been a  _really_  fucking long, shitty day," Jensen mumbled. The smooth heat of Jared's skin slipped past his lips and Jensen tightened his arms around Jared's waist.  
  
"C'mon. Jeff will skin me if you don't rest. Shouldn't you have your foot elevated or something, Doctor?" Jared wriggled a little to try and loosen Jensen's vice-like grip.  
  
"I don't want to let go," Jensen said into the crook of Jared's shoulder. He didn't really care if he could be understood. He ached, he was tired and Jared felt good.  
  
"Jensen?" Those big paws of Jared's were holding Jensen's shoulders and eventually pushed him back a little.  
  
While Jensen's heart tried to thump its way right through his chest wall, they just stared at one another. It was strangely intimate; the way Jared was gazing into Jensen's eyes was almost unnerving.  
  
Finally, Jared blinked and smiled almost shyly. "I can take care of you for once."  
  
"M'fine," jensen protested. Jeff had already fussed over him  _more_  than enough for one evening.  
  
"Just  _let_  me. Okay? Just this once?" Jared pushed Jensen away a little more. "Let's get you into bed and then I'll make you some hot chocolate."  
  
Frowning, Jensen shook his head in disbelief. After everything Jared had been through it seemed insane for the man to want to look after Jensen.  
  
"God, Jensen," Jared said firmly. "Enough. I'm not some fragile kid. What I've been through isn't all there is to me, you know."  
  
Tilting his head slightly Jensen tried to make sense of the twists and turns of the day. On one hand, it made sense. Maybe Jensen had been babying him too much. It wasn't like he couldn't still remember the  _kid_  who'd run in front of his car. That terrified kid had seemed  _smaller_  somehow, more fragile, like he had needed Jensen's help.  
  
The problem was that all Jensen's thoughts seemed ridiculous, even in the privacy of his own mind.  
  
After another deep breath, Jensen nodded very slowly. "Okay."  
  
"Okay?" Jared sounded shocked, as though he'd been prepared for a hell of a fight just to get Jensen to rest. "Okay."  
  
The smile on Jared's lips widened and he finally let go of Jensen's shoulders. "Okay. Bed?"  
  
Jensen's eyes widened ever-so-slightly and he surprised himself by chuckling softly.  
  
The tips of Jared's ears had turned a little pink. "I didn't mean you and me in bed."  
  
Part of Jensen was sad to hear Jared say it so clearly. But a larger part of him was just relieved. Their lives were complicated enough already.  
  
He'd almost forgotten about his foot until he stepped back on it. After he's spat out a few choice swear words, he felt Jared's arm slip around his waist again. This time, his friend was just taking most of his weight so they could make their way down the hall to Jensen's bedroom.  
  
"Don't even know what I stepped on," Jensen said. It was as close as he was willing to get to admitting he had hurt himself.  
  
"Don't make me carry you, 'cause I will."  
  
 _That_  sent a flair of heat flashing through Jensen's body and he stumbled slightly.  
  
All Jared did was tighten his grip and guide Jensen into the master bedroom.  
  
The soft comforter looked inviting to Jensen. Maybe he was a little more wiped out than he'd let on. As soon as he was close enough, he sank down on the bed and leaned his forehead against Jared's hip.  
  
Jared remained standing and slid his fingers into Jensen's short hair. "You need to get your foot up."  
  
Jensen nodded. Frankly, he could fall asleep right there. He wouldn't admit it out loud but he was afraid if he let Jared out of his sight he would be gone in the morning. It was ridiculous; he knew that, but the day's events had rattled him.  _Everything_  had rattled him.  
  
"Lie down and I'll come back with your hot chocolate. I'll sit here with you until you fall asleep."  
  
For a little while, Jensen was just lost in fascination with the way Jared's voice resonated through his body. When Jared tousled his hair, Jensen looked up and tried to look a little indignant. He didn't want Jared to get the idea that this kind of thing could ever be a regular occurrence.  
  
When he sat back and looked up, Jared was just standing there looking patient as ever.  
  
"Okay," Jensen said.  
  
"Good," Jared answered. The backs of his fingers brushed the height of Jensen's cheek and he left the room quickly as though he was worried Jensen would change his mind.  
  
Groaning, Jensen bent at the waist to pull his shoes off. He checked the bottom of his foot. There were little blotches of blood on the otherwise crisp white gauze. It wasn't surprising considering the amount of walking he'd done since Jeff had done the stitching.  
  
He pulled his still-damp clothes off one piece at a time and tossed them at the laundry hamper. Only half of what he threw made it into the basket.  
  
Naked, foot aching, finally starting to be aware of how cold he felt, Jensen fought his way under his comforter. The bed seemed softer and warmer than Jensen remembered so he nestled down into it.  
  
He listened for the reassuring sounds Jared was making in the kitchen. It sounded like he was emptying the dishwasher while he waited for the kettle to boil.  
  
Letting out another long groan, Jensen scooted closer to the center of the bed. After a few deep breaths, the tension of the day began to drain away. The pain in his foot was a little intense. The throb of it kept time with the thump of his head.  _God_ , he was lucky Jeff had been there to do the suturing. He wasn't a fan of the stitching skill of most of his colleagues.  
  
"Comfy?"  
  
Jensen's eyes popped open at the sound of Jared's voice. The smooth scent of cocoa teased Jensen's nose and he breathed in deeply.  
  
The bed sank beneath Jared's weight as he sat down. The tray rattled a little as Jared slid it onto the nightstand. "Hot chocolate," Jared began. "And it's the real kind - not from a powder. And I cut up an apple for you. You probably haven't eaten since lunch, right?"  
  
Jensen thought back over the day and his stomach growled loudly, lending its support to Jared's theory. "Hungry. Yes."  
  
"Sit up," Jared ordered.  
  
Jensen smirked under the edge of the comforter then pushed himself up. As he sat up the cover fell to his lap.  
  
Jared's gaze dropped to Jensen's chest briefly, then he cleared his throat and grabbed a mug off the tray.  
  
The heat from the mug was soothing and Jensen smiled as Jared handed it to him. "Thank you. Guess I did need a little taking care of."  
  
Nodding, Jared picked up the second mug. "Not  _all_  that bad, is it?"  
  
 _It wasn't bad at all._  Jensen was naked, in bed, comfortable and he had Jared sitting right there focused entirely on his well-being. "Oh, it's terrible."  
  
Jared laughed then took a sip. "Hey, this is pretty good."  
  
"What were you expecting?" Jensen could taste the cocoa and a bit of milk.  
  
"I've always had the other kind." Jared set his mug down and shifted a little so he could see Jensen more clearly.  
  
"I wonder," Jensen mused.  
  
"What?"  
  
"How many other things I'll get to help you discover." The way Jared had lived had been so sheltered. Jensen was always surprised by the things that Jared hadn't experienced. There was no rhyme or reason to it; maybe it was that Mark had simply limited their world to what he liked.  
  
Whatever the cause, there was a lot of  _world_  out there for Jared to be introduced to.  
  
"You've been really great, Jensen." All of Jared's hair fell forward again as he dropped his head.  
  
There it was  _again_. Jared saying how awesome Jensen had been and Jensen feeling like it was Jared's way of keeping a little distance between them.  
  
For once, Jensen decided he wouldn't let it pass without comment. Not after the day they'd had. He tightened his hold on the mug and brought it close to his chest so he could feel the heat from it.  
  
"Jared? Whenever you thank me like that I can't help thinking that you're going to be leaving soon."  
  
When Jared looked up, he seemed a little surprised. "No - I. Well, if you asked me to, sure but no. I like being here. You have a great place."  
  
"Ah." Jensen decided that he was probably  _far_  too tired to be having a serious conversation.  
  
There was a look of frustration on Jared's face and he combed his fingers through his hair. "Jensen, it's more than that. I just - I don't want to say the wrong thing."  
  
It was hard for Jensen to imagine what the  _wrong thing_  might be. "It's okay. I'm too tired to pursue it, so you're off the hook."  
  
Jared's eyes widened as he stared at Jensen. "I like being with you. I like being anywhere fucking  _near_  you. And it's terrifying. what if there's something really messed up with me? What if I can't ever have something like what you and Jeff have? I already know that if I were Jeff I'd never settled for casual. He's right, you know?"  
  
Blinking, Jensen just stared in stunned silence for a few moments. "Uh … what is Jeff right about?"  
  
"Wanting more with you. I can tell what he wants. He loves you; the way he looks at you, the way he touches you - I've  _never_ had that, Jensen. I thought I would maybe with Mark - but-" Jared shrugged.  
  
There was entirely too much being said for Jensen to be able to understand what the  _fuck_  was going on. Frankly, the idea that Jared could  _tell_  what Jeff wanted was almost too much to take.  
  
"Jared? I love Jeff. He's an amazing man-"  
  
"God, I know," Jared said quickly. He held up a hand as though waving away what he'd said. "I knew as soon as I saw you guys together that Jeff was great. He treats you… like. Like-" Clearing his throat, Jared smiled and closed his eyes.  
  
It was all coming down to one of those  _stupid_  damn moments again when Jensen had no idea what to say even though he knew damn well there was probably something he  _could_  say that would make everything alright. "I … I don't know what to say."  
  
"You don't have to say anything," Jared said without looking up.  
  
"No. God. I mean yes, I do. Or I  _should_  say something but I suck at this kind of stuff." Jensen put his mug down and shifted forwards. He sat there for a few moments, watching the way the lamp light traced the almost-blond highlights in Jared's hair. On a whim, Jensen reached out and grabbed Jared's hand.  
  
Even though Jared jumped slightly, his fingers curled around the side of Jensen's hand.  
  
"Jared. You are right about so many things, but sometimes, you miss a lot."  
  
When Jared finally looked up his brow was furrowed; a questioning look was his only reaction.  
  
"The thing is," Jensen began, "You're absolutely right. I'd be crazy to turn down someone like Jeff. He's fantastic. He really is. We have a lot in common. He's a wonderful friend."  
  
Jared nodded and pressed his lips together tightly. Resignation was written all over his face and Jensen couldn't handle being responsible for putting it there.  
  
"Do you want to know why I didn't just say  _yes_  to Jeff? Why the only answer I've given him about he and I having a relationship is  _I don't know._?"  
  
Jared opened his mouth as though he was going to answer then just shrugged and rubbed his free hand over his mouth.  
  
"I told Jeff I didn't know what I wanted with him because of you. I want that with you." Just  _saying_  it sent a shock wave through Jensen's body.  
  
Jared's gaze snapped up to meet Jensen's. When he opened his mouth Jensen pressed a finger to Jared's lips to quiet him.  
  
"No, Jared. It's not because you're  _here_  at my house. You're not in the way. You're not a bother or anything else that crazy mind of yours will come up with."  
  
The look in Jared's eyes was intense but Jensen still didn't really know how to read the man.  
  
He let his finger bump over Jared's bottom lip, his chin and then pressed his palm to Jared's chest over his old t-shirt. The damn thing was still damp; Jared hadn't even changed it yet.  
  
"Jared. I told Jeff I didn't know what I wanted with him because … you exist."  
  
A confused expression deepened the furrows on Jared's brow.  
  
"You," Jensen repeated like it was the best answer in the universe. "if - if things had been different for you - better - I would…." Jensen's fingers curled slowly to grip Jared's cool t-shirt.  
  
"What?" Jared finally asked. "You would, what?"  
  
 _In for a penny, in for a pound._  Jensen's grandpa used to say that, too. "If you hadn't gone through so much awful shit, I would have wanted to get to know you. I would have wanted you in my life. Wanted  _you_." Jensen closed his mouth and when he pulled his hand from Jared's chest he was surprised to find his wrist caught in Jared's firm grip.  
  
He twisted his wrist a little, testing, but Jared had a good hold on him. "W-what?"  
  
"You don't want me now," Jared's lips barely parted to free the words.  
  
"What?" Jensen asked again.  
  
"You said  _if_  I hadn't gone through what I did -  _if_  - then you would have wanted me. So you don't. Want me. Not now."  
  
Jensen's lashes fluttered as the long fingers tightened on his wrist. Pinpricks of heat were peppering Jensen's body. He shook his head very slowly then realized it could be misinterpreted. "You're wrong," he said softly.  
  
"About what?"  
  
Tilting his head, Jensen studied Jared's face. the man's expression was hard to read. There was such an intensity in Jared's eyes that Jensen had to look down. "You're - you. I  _do_  want you. In my life," he added weakly.  
  
The expression on Jared's face softened instantly. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.  
  
Jensen exhaled the breath that was lodged in his lungs. He'd told Jared and the sky hadn't fallen. Better yet, Jared hadn't fled the scene of the crime:  _Jensen's crime._  
  
"So, maybe," Jared said a little gruffly. "If I stick around, if I work things out -  _maybe_  you and I could see each other."  
  
It wasn't exactly a question. It was more of a statement but it wasn't like Jensen could deny it. It wasn't like he even  _wanted_  to deny it. He settled on a nod.  
  
It had the desired effect. Jared's smile broadened and his thumb swept over Jensen's pulse where it fluttered hopelessly.  
  
That tiny touch nearly killed Jensen. His blood ran hot through his veins, his heart pounding.  
  
"Good," Jared said softly. He tugged Jensen forward and stopped when their lips were a hair's breadth apart. "I'm glad."  
  
When Jensen licked his lips, his tongue brushed the swell of Jared's bottom lip.  
  
Both men stilled for a heartbeat, then Jared leaned in to press an almost chaste kiss to Jensen's lips.  
  
A shudder ran down the length of Jensen's spine and when Jared pulled away it was almost physically painful. He had no idea what had gotten into Jared, but he certainly liked it. He liked it  _entirely_  too much.  
  
Jared stood, towering over Jensen. "You need to rest."  
  
Still panting softly, Jensen nodded and let himself be pushed back against the pillows by Jared's fingers on his chest.  
  
"I'll leave my bedroom door open. Call if you need anything. Okay?"  
  
Jensen nodded, eyes trailing down the tensed muscles in Jared's arm. It was getting really hard for him to swallow but  _God_  he wanted Jared. "I - I will."  
  
Something softened in Jared's face and for a couple of seconds, Jensen was sure that he saw that fearful man he'd pulled into his arms from the road in front of his car. but then Jared was leaning down to press warm lips to Jensen's forehead.  
  
"Sleep," Jared murmured against Jensen's skin.  
  
Jensen let out a gasp that sounded a little too much like a whimper.  
  
Jared was gone in an instant and Jensen kind of melted into his bed. It felt a little like the tables had been turned on him but he could certainly learn to live with it.  
  
"Jesus," he murmured under his breath. He was in for more trouble than he'd initially thought.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Time kept passing too quickly. It had been weeks since Jared had made his home at Jensen's. It was working. Jensen couldn't explain what it was about Jared that made their arrangement work so well but he liked it nonetheless.  
  
After a month of things  _working out_ , Jensen had gone back to working full-time hours at the practice. Jared had continued his college classes. Jeff had resigned himself to accepting that Jensen needed more time to decide about a relationship. Danneel had decided that all the men she knew were borderline insane.  
  
By the time the second month had passed, Jensen thought of  _home_  as the place where Jared was. Papers and research had descended upon Jared so rapidly that he was spending hours buried in his books. Jensen helped when he could; Danneel seemed a lot like Jared's study partner. She kept up with his reading list and helped him learn all the computer programs he was using at school. Jeff spent a lot of time at the house  _fixing_  things. He put new weather stripping on all the windows, fixed the caulking around the main bathtub and began staining Jensen's deck.  
  
And the third month, November, passed quickly. Jensen decided that full time at the practice was too much time away from _home_. He and Danneel began searching for another physician to take over half of Jensen's hours. Danneel favoured Dr. Matthew Cohen, a recent graduate with beautiful green eyes and a resume full of volunteer work. Jensen was inclined to go with Danneel's recommendation. After all, she would be the one working with the new doctor. Meanwhile, Jared had passed all of his midterms and was doing his first practicum at the local veterinary hospital. Jeff adopted a dog from a nearby shelter and named her Bisous. Danneel constantly exclaimed she was more of a cat person.  
  
And that was about the time that Jensen decided that things had the potential to go well for a long time. Part of him was even _content_  that things were still status quo between them all.  
  
Jared hadn't kissed Jensen again; Jensen hadn't kissed Jared. Jared seemed content with things the way they were. He wasn't hesitant when touching Jensen or anything like that, so things stayed the way they were.  
  
In the evening, if Jensen was watching a movie, Jared would shuffle out after hours of studying and sprawl on the sofa. He liked to tuck his feet under Jensen's thigh.  
  
When Danneel came over for barbecues, Jared always wanted to sit next to Jensen at the table. Normal didn't seem to be Jared's thing; he would straddle the bench and stay as close to Jensen as he could.  
  
Movie night on Wednesdays became a  _thing_. Wednesdays were long days at the animal hospital and Jared seemed to relax sooner if they watched a movie before they called it a night.  
  
And then there was a Wednesday early in December when things went a little awry at the practice.  
  
Jensen's appointments had been running long all day. It was one of the frustrating things about having one's own practice. The familiarity with patients was great but it was that very familiarity that made people think they could just  _show up_  without appointments, or linger, trying to chat with Jensen about their family lives.  
  
By lunch, Jensen had been over an hour behind. By closing time it was hopeless even though Danneel was doing her best to keep people moving. As a result of his schedule, for once, Jensen ended up arriving home  _after_  Jared.  
  
When Jensen pulled into the driveway, He was tired, sure, but he was also really looking forward to a nice quiet evening with Jared. Of course, it was Jared's turn to choose the movie so there was a fifty-fifty chance that Jensen would end up asleep on the sofa with one leg draped over Jared's lap rather than watching it.  
  
When he opened the front door, the cool air from inside made Jensen shiver. The first thing he did was close and lock the door. Then he sank down onto the bench by the door and tugged his boots off. "I'm home!"  
  
There was only silence coming from the house. Jared might be out in the garden. Jensen let his head thump back against the wall and his satchel of medical journals drop to the floor. His brain was swimming with the day's faces. "What a day," he murmured.  
  
After a long, deep breath Jensen pushed up off the bench and headed into the living room.  
  
The familiar mop of Jared's hair was visible over the back of the sofa. "Jared, didn't you hear me come in?"  
  
Nothing but silence greeted Jensen as he walked around the end of the sofa. "Jared?"  
  
The blinds were still down and Jensen squinted in the dim light. As everything began to come into focus, Jensen's breath left his body in an almost painful gasp.  
  
Jared was slumped on the couch, spread out like he should be ready to fall asleep. His eyes were wide open, staring off into the distance. A bruise was beginning to darken the smooth skin below Jared's left eye and the darkness of it already extended down along Jared's cheek. A single line of blood had left the corner of Jared's mouth and looked as though it had dried there.  
  
"Jared?" Taking a step closer, Jensen tore his gaze away from his friend and looked around quickly for any sign of intruders.  
  
There didn't seem to be anyone else there and Jensen tried to remember if the door had been locked when he'd arrived home.  
  
He turned back to face Jared and moved slowly to sit beside him. "Jared? What happened?"  
  
Jared's lashes fluttered and he sucked in a huge breath of air as though his body had been jolted to life again.  
  
Reaching out, Jensen pressed his fingers to Jared's bruising cheek bone gently to check for broken bones. "Jared? Can you talk to me? You're scarin' me, buddy."  
  
The expression on Jared's face was frighteningly blank. Very slowly, he turned towards Jensen almost like he was searching for the sound of Jensen's voice.  
  
Jensen's fingers moved deftly along the perimeter of the damage to Jared's face. Nothing appeared to be broken. "Jared? You need to tell me what's happened."  
  
When Jared closed his eyes, a tear squeezed out from under his dark lashes. Slowly, the blank expression was chased from Jared's face by one of fear.  
  
There was only one person who frightened Jared enough to put such a pained expression on the man's face. Jensen reached out and took Jared's hand. Their fingers intertwined and Jared held on tightly.  
  
"Okay, Jared. You need to say something to me, give me anything to go on. Just let me know you're okay." There was no point in pushing too hard. Over the months they'd been getting to know each other, Jensen had learned that Jared did things in his own time.  
  
Jared managed a jerky nod and lifted his gaze slowly until it met Jensen's. "He found me."  
  
It was the one thing Jensen had dreaded ever having to hear. Yet, he'd known there was a high probability that it would happen.  
  
They lived in a city but it was small enough to bump into people. And, really, Jared hadn't taken any precautions. For some reason, it had been easy to go along with the way Jared had just cruised along. They seemed wrapped up in blind faith that Mark had just gone his separate way.  
  
It was foolish.  
  
Jensen leaned over to get a better look at Jared's face and noticed the man's eyes was beginning to close slightly. "Did he do this to you?"  
  
Jared closed his eyes again and nodded.  
  
It was like a shot was fired into Jensen's chest. Pain and anger twined together until he could no longer tell them apart. "You need to go to the E.R. and get checked."  
  
Before the words were out of Jensen's mouth, Jared was already shaking his head.  
  
 _No._  Jensen couldn't believe that, after everything Mark had done to Jared, there would be no repercussions. He wasn't prepared to have to accept that. Before he could say anything though, Jared's fingers were ghosting over his cheek, then his lips where they settled for a few moments.  
  
Frowning, Jensen pleaded with his eyes for Jared to talk to him; ease some of the pain by telling the story.  
  
"I'm not going to the hospital," Jared said. His fingers bumped over Jensen's chin and he smiled sadly. "This time, I'm going to the police."  
  
Jensen's eyes widened. "The police?"  
  
"Yes. No more. I can't do this anymore." Jared shook his head and winced.  
  
Finally, Jensen nodded. The strangest mixture of relief and apprehension wrestling in his mind. "Okay. Yeah. Alright."  
  
Jared closed his eyes as he breathed in and out slowly a few times. "I - I don't know how to start."  
  
Jensen wasn't entirely sure what the process for filing charges was. If he were honest with himself, he wasn't even sure  _what_  the charge would be. But  _police_  seemed like the best start.  
  
"Okay," Jensen said as steadily as he could. "You have your phone or do you need mine?"  
  
A look of confusion distorted Jared's features; his hand slipped over the pockets of his jeans. "Yours, I guess."  
  
When Jared held out his hand it was trembling.  
  
Jensen dug into the back pocket of his trousers and pulled out his phone. He set it on Jared's palm and caught Jared's hand between both of his. He waited until Jared's bleary gaze found his. "I'm gonna be with you for all of this, okay?"  
  
Even though Jared nodded, he didn't look too confident.  
  
"I promise, Jared. I'm going to be here with you."  
  
After a shaky sigh, Jared nodded again and it was a little more convincing.  
  
"Find the local number. I'm going to get some ice for your cheek." Jensen knew that he shouldn't be doing anything to the _evidence_  on Jared's body but he needed time to collect himself.  
  
The day from hell, then seeing Jared hurt followed so quickly by the realization that they were going to the police was a little overwhelming. Realizing how overwhelming it felt only made Jensen realize how much  _more_ intense it must be for Jared.  
  
Jensen moved faster. He grabbed a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and one of the gel packs from the freezer. Jared needed him and it was the most terrifying feeling Jensen had ever experienced.  
  
The muted sound of Jared's voice reached Jensen's ears. It was all beginning.  
  
He headed back to the living room in time to hear Jared agreeing to something then pausing, then saying good-bye.  
  
As Jensen hovered at the end of the sofa, Jared stared at the phone like it was some kind of alien creature.  
  
"Jared?" Jensen stepped around the end of the sofa, sat down then held out the open bottle of juice. "Drink some."  
  
A moment later, Jared's fingers curled around the bottle. As Jensen tried not to stare, Jared drank almost half of the bottle.  
  
"I'm worried about shock, Jared. So I wanted you to drink that." Jensen took the bottle back and set it on the coffee table. "What happened on the phone?"  
  
"I phoned them. The - I phoned and they said to come down to the station if I had someone … here. The one near Vine and Dawson." Jared rubbed his eyes then hissed softly. "Hurts."  
  
That Jared was in pain didn't surprise Jensen. The bruise seemed darker, redder and the flesh a little angrier every time Jensen looked at Jared's face.  
  
Shifting closer, Jensen held up the gel pack to show Jared. When Jared nodded, Jensen pressed the soothing pack to Jared's cheek and eye. It was too late the help much with the bruising but it may give Jared a little relief from the throbbing pain he was no doubt feeling.  
  
The extended silence Jared had sunken into once more was beginning to rattle Jensen. "Feel a little better?"  
  
Jensen leaned forward so that he could see Jared's uninjured eye.  
  
Jared nodded. "Will you take me there?"  
  
"Of course I will," Jensen said immediately. "I meant what I said. I'll be with you for as much of this part as you want. What _ever_ you need, Jared."  
  
After a few more moments of staring blankly, Jared sat forward and took the gel pack himself. "Let's go. I wanna get this over with."  
  
Before Jared was finished speaking, Jensen was up and searching his pockets for the car keys. As soon as he'd found them he held out his hand and helped Jared up off the sofa.  
  
"Let's go," Jensen said softly.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It was a night Jensen would never forget. He'd had no idea what awaited them when he drove Jared to the police station. If he'd known what filing charges against Mark would entail, he may have been less enthusiastic about it when Jared had brought it up.  
  
He was separated from Jared very quickly and it felt horrible. It was only because of Jared's insistence that Jensen was able to sit right outside the examination room at the station while Jared gave his statement.  
  
There was a long window through which Jensen could see Jared. Every so often Jared would look up, eyes softening a little when they found Jensen's face.  
  
That window pane between them felt like a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon.  
  
As Jensen watched, Jared moved his lips as he told his story, hands fidgeting with the cheap plastic cup that held the water he had asked for. Sometimes, Jared would pause and take a sip.  
  
Watching Jared without being able to hear was testing the limits of Jensen's patience. The detective who was seated across the table from Jared looked laid back. His blue dress shirt looked worn, his tie was loosened and he had appeared a little bored at first.  
  
The detective was a small man with narrow shoulders and hips. His chestnut coloured hair was just a little shorter than Jared's. Detective Speight, the card still clutched in Jensen's hand read.  
  
Jared was slouching in his chair, yet, he still towered over the Detective. If it weren't for the seriousness of the visit the comparison between the two men would be almost comical. Almost.  
  
After about an hour, the detective stood, gathered his papers together, squeezed Jared's shoulder then left the room. He almost ran into Jensen.  
  
"Sorry," the detective mumbled. "Hey, you're Jensen Ackles?"  
  
Nodding, Jensen shook the detective's outstretched hand.  
  
"Detective Richard Speight. I've been assigned to Jared's case."  
  
Jensen held up the card and smiled. "I figured."  
  
"Brave man you've got there."  
  
A small smile appeared on Jensen's face and he nodded. "Can I take him home now?"  
  
"Not quite yet." The detective gestured for Jensen to return to his seat then sat down beside him.  
  
"Is he okay?" It was difficult for Jensen to resist checking the window all the time.  
  
"Well. I think he will be in time," the detective said. He smiled and nodded.  
  
"What happens now?" All Jensen kept thinking was that he just wanted to take Jared home, hold him and just keep him safe from … everything.  
  
"I've taken his initial statement and we've done a few of the tests we were able to administer here. As far as we can tell - Jared's _current_  injuries are much less severe than some of the ones he claims to have had in the past."  
  
"Claims?" Jensen broke in. "You can't seriously tell me you don't believe him? He's telling the truth; I'm a doctor. I've examined him and he's covered in scars from past abuse-"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Detective Speight interjected with his hands held up. "I'm not passing judgement here, I'm just following our protocol for a case. It's the language, you know that."  
  
Begrudgingly, Jensen nodded.  
  
"Are you Jared's current partner?"  
  
"What? No. I mean I would be, I think. But I'm just - I'm Jared's friend. We're friends. Roommates."  _And I've fallen in love with him_ , Jensen wanted to add. His eyes widened when he realized what he was thinking.  
  
The detective raised his eyes, pressed his lips together and nodded. "Anyway, he needs to go to the hospital for some further testing and documentation. Normally, I would have driven him over there myself but he was very adamant that he go with you."  
  
Smiling sadly, Jensen turned and looked through the window. Jared was staring down at the table in front of him, still as a statue. He didn't look at all like someone who was there to report an abusive relationship. He looked more like a college student who had been arrested for fighting. The whole situation was a little unreal.  
  
"I'll phone ahead and you can go in through emergency. Dr. Tal will be the physician on call." The detective laid his hand on Jensen's shoulder when he didn't answer. "Mr. Ackles?"  
  
Pulling his gaze from Jared, Jensen turned and smiled at the detective. "Thanks, I know Alona."  
  
When the detective tilted his head slightly and frowned questioningly, Jensen rubbed his forehead. "Sorry. I'm. I'm Dr. Ackles. I used to do rotations at the E.R. I've known Alona since she was an attending."  
  
"Oh." The detective's smile warmed. "Okay. Then I'll meet you at the hospital." He tapped on the window and held his hand up in a wave when Jared looked up. "See you soon."  
  
It felt a little like Jensen's feet were rooted to the floor. He had no idea what condition Jared would be in after the detective's questions.  
  
Jensen headed into the small room. "Jared? How are you doing?"  
  
Jared let out a dark laugh and dragged both hands down his face as he spun on the chair. "Can you take me to the hospital?"  
  
Jensen sighed and slid his fingers through Jared's hair. "Anything you need, remember?"  
  
Nodding, Jared let his head rest against Jensen's hand for a few moments then stood. "Let's go."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The hospital emergency room seemed entirely too loud, the lights too bright and all the colours made Jensen feel a little dizzy.  
  
Jared had been silent on the drive to the hospital; he'd stared out the passenger window as though he was in a daze. His silence was worrying Jensen. But then, he really had no idea how someone in Jared's position  _should_  be acting.  
  
When they approached the registration desk the on-duty nurse looked up and beamed. "Well, Dr. Ackles. What a surprise! We haven't seen you down in these parts for a long time."  
  
Forcing a smile, Jensen leaned on the counter so he could see the nurse's name ta. "Hi, Jackie. Can you help us? Detective Speight sent us over to see Alona."  
  
The nurse's expression changed instantly; her sterile, professional smile returned as she acknowledged Jared. "I'll just page her right now."  
  
While the nurse was busy at her computer, Jensen turned his attention back to Jared. "Just a few minutes. You'll like Alona. She's really sweet."  
  
Jared nodded and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. The tension in his body was obvious. His shoulders were rigid, the tendons in his neck tight and a muscle twitched in his jaw as he clenched his teeth.  
  
There was nothing that Jensen could do or say that was going to make Jared feel any better. They just had to get through it all and try to put the pieces back together when they emerged from the other side of it all.  
  
"Jensen? What are you doing here?"  
  
Jensen turned to find a petite blonde in a lab coat standing beside him. "Alona. I'm - we're here to see you. Detective Speight sent us over from the station.  
  
Alona's finely boned features made the familiar change from friendly to professional as she turned towards Jared. "Then you must be Jared. I'm Dr. Tal."  
  
Jared took her tiny hand in his and shook it. "Nice to meet you."  
  
The entire situation was starting to grate on Jensen's nerves. He hadn't even thought about the fact that he would know half the people working at the hospital.  
  
"Follow me and we'll get started so we can get you home sooner."  
  
Jared and Jensen trailed along behind Alona as she headed out into a long corridor with blue lines on the floor. At least they were away from the cacophony in the E.R. waiting area.  
  
As they moved through the maze of halls and doors, Jensen pressed his hand to the small of Jared's back.  
  
Jared looked up at the touch and twisted out of it. For a second, Jensen thought that Jared didn't want to be touched and then he felt Jared's fingers sliding between his own.  
  
"Is this okay?" Jared asked as he squeezed Jensen's hand.  
  
In spite of everything, Jensen smiled. "Yes. Absolutely."  
  
Jensen hadn't made a habit out of revealing his orientation to his co-workers but he didn't  _hide_  it if it came up. There was a small part of him that was pleased Jared had reached out for him. He'd always deny it, but he might even be pleased that people would see them together; see how much he cared.  
  
Finally, they came to a stop by a small waiting room full of plain brown chairs.  
  
Alona gestured towards the chairs. "Just have a seat here and I'll get the room set up." She smiled and disappeared through a set of swinging doors.  
  
Jensen walked over to the chairs, tugging Jared forward. The dull sounds of the hospital were all around them. It was all strangely familiar to Jensen; reminiscent of the days he was still on rotation at the hospital.  
  
Jared was restless. He stretched his long legs out in front of him and dragged his free hand through his hair a few times. His face was strained and he was managing to look frustrated and fearful at the same time.  
  
"It'll all be over soon," Jensen said. He wasn't fool enough to say everything would be fine - or that he thought Jared's time with Alona behind those swinging doors would be pleasant.  
  
There had been innumerable encounters with Mark and Jensen knew what Jared would be experiencing in a few minutes. Documenting any damage that Mark had done to Jared's body could be crucial in the future.  
  
"This part will be over soon," Jared said darkly. "I know what I've taken on here. Depositions, lawyers, court, seeing  _him_  again."  
  
"You don't know how this is going to go, Jared. People plead to things all the time to prevent-"  
  
"I'm not letting him do that," Jared said firmly.  
  
A little taken aback, Jensen just nodded. All of this was Jared's call. No matter how far it went or if Jared dropped it further on; it was his decision to make.  
  
"Sorry," Jared said softly. He reached for Jensen's hand again and held it tightly. "I'm a bit of a wreck."  
  
"Understandable," Jensen said. "You can snap at me, I'll just make you cook for me later."  
  
The smile on Jared's face looked completely forced and Jensen wished he hadn't tried to lighten the moment. He just felt a little _cut loose_ , like he was completely untethered from the world and floating around alone.  
  
"Jared? You can come in now." Alona was smiling as she peered around one half of the swinging doors.  
  
Both men stood; Jared tugged on his t-shirt nervously.  
  
"Jensen? It would be best for you to wait out here," Alona said firmly through the warmth of her smile.  
  
Jared blew out a sharp breath and squeezed Jensen's hand before letting it go. "Alright."  
  
"I will wait  _right_  here," Jensen said weakly. He felt like he should be able to offer Jared some words of comfort, some kind of reassurance that everything would be okay. He just couldn't bring himself to make an empty promise.  
  
Jared stared into Jensen's eyes for a while then folded his arms tightly across his chest. His bottom lip trembled slightly and Jared caught it between his teeth before turning and heading through the doors.  
  
For a while, Jensen just watched the doors swing back and forth. They were completely still when he finally looked away.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	6. Chapter 6

Alona was with Jared in the hospital examination room for a little over an hour. It felt much closer to a month for Jensen. At first he had toyed with the idea of going to get some coffee but he couldn't have forgiven himself if he hadn't been there had Jared needed him.  
  
By the time the doors swung open again, Jensen was so tense he was ready to crawl out of his skin.  
  
Alona appeared first. The doors swung closed behind her and Jensen stood to peer over her shoulders and look for Jared.  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
Jensen looked down at Alona and smiled briefly. "Is he coming?"  
  
Alona's small hand settled on Jensen's forearm. "He's just getting dressed. Can we talk for a minute?"  
  
Jensen had been a doctor long enough to recognize the tone in Alona's voice. "Is he okay?"  
  
The smile on Alona's face softened a little and she nodded. "I promise to return him in the same condition I got him. Well, we gave him ice for the bruising on his face." She sat down and waited for Jensen to join her.  
  
"I just wanted you to know.  _God_ , Jensen. That man has been through a  _hell_  of a lot."  
  
Of course, Jensen  _knew_  that. It was likely that Jared hadn't even told him about every single abuse he'd suffered at the hands of his partner. Jensen knew what all the signs meant. He also knew that Alona was speaking to him as another doctor. She's never admit to being shocked if she were speaking to a patient's contact.  
  
"We - he's talked to me about a lot of it, Alona. I've seen some of the scars and I know they're just the tip of the iceberg."  
  
"You're right, Jensen." A crisply dressed intern burst through the swinging doors and headed across the room to leave by another door.  
  
"Is there - is there enough physical proof that - that" Saying the words about anyone else wouldn't have been a problem. The problem was there were just some things Jensen  _knew_  had happened - but facing them head on was another story altogether. "When you examined him…"  
  
Alona tilted her head slightly to get Jensen's attention. "He's been through hell , Jensen. Frankly, I'm surprised that there's no permanent damage other than scarring. I told Jared we'll be scheduling an MRI and a CAT scan in the next little while. I'll put a staff rush on it." She fell silent again.  
  
"We'll be okay," Jensen said.  
  
"He isn't like anyone else, Jensen-"  
  
"I know, Alona," Jensen said a little too sharply.  
  
"This isn't, at all, about me thinking you don't have an understanding of the severity of what's happened to Jared."  
  
" _What_  is it about then, Alona?" Jensen glanced over at the still doors before looking back at Alona.  
  
"I need to know that this isn't about you wanting to fix him-"  
  
"-Jesus, Alona. You, of all people, should know me better than that." Anger rumbled away, deep in Jensen's chest. He stood and took a step back before raising a hand to point at Alona.  
  
"You… do  _not_  know what our relationship is like. You've hardly seen me since I stopped working here. You have  _no_  right to assume I don't have his best interests at heart."  
  
Alona's sculpted eyebrows rose slowly and she smiled. "Are you finished?"  
  
Hesitating for a few moments, Jensen tried to curb his anger. "Yes," he spat. "I think. I'm finished. Probably."  
  
"Okay," Alona said brightly. "I am inclined to agree with Jared, then." Alona stood and straightened her lab coat.  
  
"Agree? What did he say?"  
  
"That you're a remarkable man," Alona said. Her eyes widened as she looked past Jensen's shoulder. "Jared. I bet you are ready for Jensen to get you out of here."  
  
Closing his eyes for a moment, Jensen felt all the anger drain out of his body. He turned slowly.  
  
Jared didn't look  _quite_  the same as when he'd left the waiting room. His hair was tousled, his skin pale and his eyes were red-rimmed and glassy.  
  
"Hey, Jared." Jensen let Jared come to him and found himself wishing that his colleague weren't in the room with them.  
  
"Can we go home, Jensen?" Jared's voice wavered; it was quiet,  _too_  quiet in the huge room.  
  
"Of course." Jensen pulled his car keys out of his pocket and gestured towards the door.  
  
"Jared? I'll take care of everything from here. I'll be in touch with Detective Speight and I'll call you when we have test results or a date for the MRI."  
  
Nodding, Jared averted his gaze and rubbed the back of his hand back and forth across his mouth a few times.  
  
Jensen glanced at Alona and she nodded. Jensen smiled his thanks and steeled himself for whatever Jared's reaction may be.  
  
"Let's go, Jared."  
  
He moved quickly through the familiar hallways with Jared close behind him. Their trip back to the car felt really different compared to when they had arrived. There was no conversation at all; Jared didn't reach out for Jensen's hand. They moved through the hospital like ghosts.  
  
The drive home was silent. Jared smiled slightly when he settled himself on the passenger seat then he turned to stare out the window.  
  
The house was dark when they pulled into the driveway. It seemed odd. Jensen had no recollection of turning off the lights before they had left for the hospital.  
  
When Jensen unlocked the door, he held it open and Jared walked in.  _Home_. The place where Jared was.  
  
"You need anything? You must be hungry." Jensen shrugged his jacket off and hung it on the coat rack.  
  
Jared shook his head. "I'm fine. You want a drink?"  
  
Frowning, Jensen shook his head.  
  
"Well. I do." Jared kicked out of his sneakers and padded over to the liquor cabinet. He pulled out a bottle of whisky and poured a couple of fingers into one of the crystal tumblers. "You sure you don't want one?"  
  
"No thanks," Jensen said quietly. He was in no position to judge. Jared rarely drank, and it wasn't like he didn't have a valid reason.  
  
The whisky Jared had poured himself was fragrant; Jensen could smell it as he walked over to sit on the arm of the sofa. "Can I do anything?"  
  
"Like erase half of my life?"  
  
Jensen flinched a little. "Well, no … I - I don't know what you're going through, Jared. I get that. But I don't know what to do, to help. Of if I even  _can_  do anything."  
  
Jared picked up the whisky bottle and poured himself another drink. Jensen hadn't even seen the first drink vanish.  
  
Lifting the glass to his lips, Jared paused the lowered it again. "I - I know, Jensen. I'm sorry. I'll get through this. It was just-" Jared raised the tumbler again and drained the golden liquid.  
  
"Just what?" Now that Jared was actually speaking, Jensen wanted it to continue.  
  
After settling his empty glass down, Jared sighed and looked over at Jensen. "It was like having to live through it all again."  
  
Nodding, Jensen clasped his hands in his lap and stared out into the darkness in the back yard. "It gets dark so early now," he said softly.  
  
"It does." Jared walked over to stand at Jensen's side before reaching for his hand.  
  
Their fingers twined together for the second time that day. It should have been wonderful, but it was oddly sad. Jared had come so far from where he began in some ways. In others, it was as though Mark had never been out of his life.  
  
The bruising on Jared's face had spread. His skin was dark and discoloured from the corner of his slightly slanted eye to the sharp ridge of his jaw. "Your face hurt? It's a hell of a bruise."  
  
Tilting his head a little, Jared smiled slightly and shook his head. "I can't feel much."  
  
Now,  _that_  Jensen could believe.  
  
"You know, Jensen. This is really gonna suck. It's going to go on for months, maybe longer. Everyone will know."  
  
"Know?" Jared had shifted gears again and Jensen felt a little lost.  
  
"It will be in the news. A guy pressing charges. And Mark, his family has a shit load of money. He'll never give up. He won't."  
  
All Jensen could do was nod. He knew that Jared was right.  
  
"If you want to bail on all of this, I will understand. I won't think less of you. You didn't sign up for any of-"  
  
"Wait, whoa! Are you saying that it's okay for me to just move on with my life? Give up on you?"  
  
"I wouldn't put it that way, but yeah." Jared nodded, fingers moving slowly over the back of Jensen's hand. “I’m just giving you a _get out of jail free_  card."  
  
"I don't want out of anything," Jensen said without hesitation. "Never have."  
  
The look on Jared's face was a mixture of disbelief and frustration. But he nodded slightly. "I'm tired. Fuck, I'm exhausted."  
  
Jensen let out a short laugh and nodded emphatically. He'd been exhausted when he left work, after their evening at the hospital he felt like he could sleep for a week. He could only begin to imagine how tired Jared must be.  
  
"Go ahead to bed," Jensen said. "I'm just going to get a bottle of water. You want one?"  
  
"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, Jensen. For everything." Jared's lips twitched into a slight smile. "And that's not one of those - you're better off without me kind of things."  
  
A little relieved, Jensen smiled as he stood up. Leaning in, he kissed Jared on the cheek then headed to the kitchen for the water.  
  
As long as the day and night had been, Jared had held on to whatever it was that kept him sane. Things could have been far worse.  
  
Heading back into the living room, Jensen checked that the patio door was locked then headed over to double check the front door. All locked up. This night of all nights, he wanted them to be safe.  
  
He drank about half of the bottle of water; he was a little hungry but didn't have the energy to get anything.  
  
Halfway down the hall, Jensen could see that the light under Jared's door was already off. It wasn't surprising.  
  
Jensen headed into his room to find the lamp still on and he groaned. He set the water down and stumbled over the edge of his rug. There were jeans draped across the chair and Jensen's heartbeat was knocked a little out of rhythm.  
  
He turned slowly, already knowing what he would see. Jared's tall frame was partially hidden by the comforter. He was lying on his side, watching Jensen with a bemused expression on his face.  
  
"Jared-"  
  
"Don't say no."  
  
Jensen's eyelids felt like they were made of lead and he squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments. He blew out a breath through pursed lips and considered whether or not it would be a good time to start conversing with a higher power.  
  
"I'm tired and I don't want to be alone." Jared's voice was steady and worn; his eyes were a little dull.  
  
It was tempting to ask why  _not being alone_  involved appearing to be naked in Jensen's bed. It was tempting but Jensen was  _too_ fucking tired to put much effort into protesting.  
  
Jensen stared at Jared for a while. The comforter was draped over Jared's bare chest, his hair had fallen across his cheek. Even in the half light from the lamp, Jensen could see the bruise on Jared's cheek, the way his eye was still swelling.  
  
Jensen shrugged a shoulder, looked down at the floor, then nodded. He heard Jared let out a sigh of relief. For once it felt like he had made the right decision. Oddly enough, that didn't make it much easier.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
It was the strangest question to hear from Jared. When Jensen looked over, Jared had propped himself upon his elbows. Jensen realized that he must have been lost in thought for a while.  
  
"Yeah. Yes. Long  _fucking_  day. And…" Jensen smiled.  
  
"And?" Jared sat up a bit more and damn if he didn't look like something  _right_  out of the daydreams Jensen would never admit to having.  
  
"And. You. I don't want to-"  
  
"Hey Jensen? For once can we not overthink this? I just wanted to be here. I  _need_  to be here. I-"  
  
"Okay." Jensen couldn't listen to Jared asking for something and continue to say no. It was impossible. It certainly didn't seem right after what the man had been through.  
  
Jared smiled slightly, his face still reflecting how exhausted he was.  
  
There were so many things spinning through Jensen's mind; he was beginning to regret turning down that drink. It might have eased his mind a little.  
  
It felt strange having someone else in the bedroom. Jeff hadn't stayed there in a long time; maybe uncomfortable with Jared in the house. Clearing his throat, Jensen turned to face away from Jared, nerves a little rattled by the events of the day. On top of everything else, he was suddenly finding himself a little nervous about getting into his own bed.  
  
"You gonna be uncomfortable with me here?"  
  
That was the jolt that Jensen needed to be dislodged from the trap of over-thinking. Lately, Jared was often right about what was going on in Jensen's mind.  
  
"I'm good," Jensen finally muttered. He unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off before tossing it into the hamper. Undoing his slacks was a little more difficult. It wasn't that he had a problem with Jared seeing his body; he was just beginning to feel like he no longer had the home court advantage.  
  
He let out a frustrated sigh and then took his pants off quickly. Feeling a little lazy he sat down on the end of the bed and pulled his socks off. He made a half-hearted effort to toss them towards the laundry hamper and missed.  
  
Jensen tugged his boxer briefs further down his thighs then moved around the bed to climb in.  
  
For a few minutes, Jensen fussed with the pillows to get them right. Then he seemed unable to get comfortable no matter which way he shifted.  
  
Jared had remained still; he was lying on his side, head resting on one arm - keeping a watchful eye on Jensen.  
  
Blinking a few times, Jensen reached forward over Jared's shoulders to turn the lamp off.  
  
The moon was almost full and light streamed in the window at the foot of the bed. Jensen was caught for a moment by the glint of silver light in Jared's eyes.  
  
"What?" There was a very slight smile on Jared's face. "You look like you're waiting for me to grow an extra head or something."  
  
At least Jensen was able to laugh. He flopped back down onto his side of the bed. "Guess I'm a little nervous."  
  
"No need," Jared said.  
  
"Oh, I don't know about that," Jensen answered.  
  
"Promise I'll be gentle with you," Jared said.  
  
For the span of a few heartbeats, Jensen felt the cool fingers of anxiety clutching at his lungs.  
  
"Relax, Jensen. I was kidding."  
  
"I'm fragile," Jensen mumbled. And it was Jared's turn to chuckle softly.  
  
Jensen liked the sound of Jared's laugh. It was quiet and low, rather than the full out laugh he let out during the day.  
  
"What did you think of Alona?"  
  
"She's sweet. I'm sure there are better circumstances under which to meet."  
  
"I suppose." Jensen felt like a jerk. He always seemed to ask the wrong thing.  
  
Jared shifted forward a little and then twisted so he could fluff up his pillows.  
  
There was no way for Jensen to avoid watching the way the muscles in Jared's chest flexed and rippled as he moved. Even with the scars on Jared's chest, with the strange marks on his upper arms, Jared was gorgeous. All those imperfections were just part of who he was.  
  
There was still no doubt in Jensen's mind that Jared had no idea how attractive he was.  
  
"You're staring again," Jared mumbled as he spread out a little more and rolled forward to settle on his stomach.  
  
The warmth of Jared's body was closer than Jensen liked. All he would have to do was reach out and Jared could be in his arms. But - it just wasn't the time.  
  
"It's a pretty good hospital," Jensen said quietly.  
  
"What?" Jared's brown furrowed.  
  
"I just - the hospital isn't bad. I worked there for a couple of years when I came to this part of the city."  
  
"Why did you stop?"  
  
"The E.R. is pretty stressful. I wouldn't trade the time I did there, learned a lot. Didn't want to do it all the time though." Jensen rolled his shoulders and could finally feel the tension starting to drain from his body.  
  
Jared's lips curved into a shy smile. "Now, you got one of those practices where it's all about rich patients."  
  
"No," Jensen said a little indignantly. He could see why Jared might think that; what with the building he had chosen and the handful of patients he had met. "We work with a lot of young families. Danneel does a really great job with new patients."  
  
Shaking his head a little, Jared smiled a little brighter. "I'm quite certain they come to see you. You're good at what you do."  
  
Jensen nodded to acknowledge Jared's sentiment then added a shrug. He believed that he gave his patients the best medical care possible. "I'm not the best with comforting people who are complex."  
  
"But you did fine with me." Jared slid his arm out from under the comforter, reached up and stroked his fingers through Jensen's hair.  
  
Just that one touch and Jensen felt his heart rate go sky high. Jared had that effect on him. Over the months they'd been together, Jensen had almost become accustomed to it. It was so intense that it was like Jared had some sort of exclusive access to Jensen's emotions. It was strange, and more than a little frightening.  
  
"If you go all quiet every time I touch you or look at you …" Jared rested his hand over Jensen's where it lay on the mattress between them.  
  
"Jared. I have never had a worse day in my life. Work was insane. If it hadn't been for Danneel I think I might have just walked out. But, seeing you. Seeing this." Jensen reached up and touched Jared's cheek tentatively.  
  
Instead of the flinch Jensen was expecting, Jared leaned to the side a little until his cheek was resting on Jensen's palm.  
  
"And the hospital." Jensen's thumb traced the peak of Jared's cheekbone. Their eyes met and Jared's reflected the pain and discomfort he had gone through. They both knew what the evidence collection had entailed. They both knew the extent of what Jared had been through while he was with Mark. Jensen didn't need every single detail.  
  
"And this," Jensen said finally.  
  
"This," Jared echoed. "Me wanting to be here, you mean?"  
  
All Jensen did was nod. Words felt like dangerous territory. There was entirely too much in Jensen's mind that probably shouldn't get out.  
  
"It's okay, Jensen. After-" Jared shook his head and finally looked away. "After everything I had to talk about today. I just. I wanted this."  
  
 _This_  seemed like a really ineffective description when Jensen thought about it.  
  
"No expectations," Jared said.  
  
That didn't sound like Jared. What bothered Jensen was that it sounded more like something he would have said himself.  
  
"I just don't want to be alone with all those memories everything stirred up."  
  
Jensen nodded. "You didn't tell me exactly what happened. You don't have to but I gotta tell you - it's on my mind."  
  
After a sad smile, Jared rolled away. For a few moments, Jensen thought Jared might be leaving then he realized he was just lying on his back.  
  
As subtly as he could manage it, Jensen moved a little closer while rearranging his pillows.  
  
When Jared sucked in a deep breath, he held it for a few seconds before breathing out. He tucked his hands under his head and licked his lips.  
  
"It's okay if you don't want-"  
  
"-I was at school," Jared said quickly. It came out all at once, the words all running together. “I was walking past the administration building and he was coming down the front steps." The next breath that Jared let out was a little ragged, a little unsettling.  
  
Jensen could feel the tension in Jared's body. The fear was tangible, like a blanket of fog had settled over them.  
  
"For a few seconds I thought I was imagining it. I've gotten pretty good at convincing myself that he was - that I was never going to have to see him again. Crazy, right?" Turning his head briefly, Jared smiled wryly then looked back at the ceiling.  
  
"I don't think it's crazy. I think it's just what we wanted to believe." Mark hadn't really entered Jensen's mind after the initial days he had spent with Jared. It was almost easier to believe that Mark was some mysterious monster out  _there_  rather than a human being.  
  
"He stopped dead when he saw me. It was weird because it was like he and I were frozen solid and everything else kept moving around us. People brushing past me, cars on the road, even the wind." Beads of sweat were appearing at Jared's temple and he closed his eyes for a few breaths.  
  
"But, I just stood there, Jensen. I didn't turn and walk away; I didn't run - I did nothing."  
  
"Jared, that's all part of-"  
  
"Stop!"  
  
Jensen closed his mouth quickly.  
  
Jared rolled forward onto his side again and they were, rather suddenly, face to face.  
  
"You wanted to know," Jared almost whispered. "Let me tell it the way I need to."  
  
Speechless, Jensen nodded. The heat radiating off Jared's body was intense and the look in his eyes was fierce.  
  
"I could have moved away. I didn't because there was something inside my brain telling me that this was the time. I was gonna turn things around." Jared's gaze moved over Jensen's face slowly, like he was seeing his friend for the first time.  
  
"Mark came down the stairs slowly and stopped just in front of me. There were tears in his eyes.  _Fuck_ , he looked like he was seeing a ghost or something." There was a twisted kind of smile on Jared's face, uneven, holding back a tidal wave of emotion.  
  
"Tell me," Jensen said.  
  
Their eyes locked again and there was an overwhelming gratitude in Jared's  
  
"He said he'd missed me. He was worried sick. He talked about not knowing what to do, where to start looking for me. I guess, he almost looked like he'd believed that I would go back to him." It was almost like Jared couldn't look away from Jensen.  
  
Bile was rising in Jensen's throat. He had never hated anyone before that he'd never met.  
  
Jared ran his fingers along Jensen's jaw then let his hand curve over the back of Jensen's neck.  
  
"I told him to leave me alone. I said that things were different for me, that I had moved on and he should move on." For a second or two, Jared looked a little confused.  
  
"What?" Jensen's thoughts had almost ground to a halt. He had to hear the full story now that it had begun.  
  
"I think I could have made it if I'd run. But I wasn't going to run again. I turned away from him and that was when everything went … bad."  
  
 _Bad_. The way Jensen was feeling wasn't summed up by  _bad._  He was starting to think that some words should just be wiped out of the English language.  
  
"He grabbed my jacket and dragged me down the side of the building-"  
  
"No one saw you?" Jensen didn't mean to sound quite as incredulous as he did. But, seriously, how could anyone see a person manhandled out of sight and not lift a finger to help. But there it was.  
  
"People saw." Jared shrugged. "I think they figured we knew each other; I could take care of myself. He hadn't really done anything wrong at that point." Jared's fingers tightened on the back of Jensen's neck for a moment and his thumb swept down the nape of Jensen's neck.  
  
Heat was simmering away  _just_  under the surface of Jensen's skin even as his anger was seated in the pit of his stomach, cold and intense.  
  
"I don't think he had any intention of saying anything else to me. Not one damn word." Jared's eyes dimmed a little and his eyelids looked a little heavier.  
  
Needing to do  _something_ , Jensen slid his hand forward on the cool cotton of the sheet between them. When the tips of his fingers touched Jared's chest it felt a little like touching fire.  
  
"He hit me before I even said anything." Jared shook his head slowly. "I don't even know what I would have said."  
  
Jensen had to look away from the uncertainty in Jared's face. Each time he saw an inkling of the fact that Jared felt he'd brought this abuse on himself it was sickening. He focused on one of the scars on Jared's chest, traced the length of it with the pad of his finger.  
  
Jared swallowed; his muscles fluttered slightly under Jensen's touch. "I - I - the first hit was the only one I really felt. I don't even know how many times he hit me. And then he was being pulled off me and someone was yelling."  
  
Jensen looked up again and Jared's eyes were closed. Those long, dark lashes were spread along his skin, his cheeks pale and his lips letting out little puffs of air. "I ran."  
  
"I understand," Jensen said. And, in that moment, it was like he finally did. He could never hurt Jared and he would never understand the kind of person Mark was. But, he knew Jared. It may have taken a lot of time; there were ups and downs but he _knew_  the man lying in front of him better than he had ever hoped to.  
  
Tears had welled in Jared's eyes, glistening above above his lashes."I walked home and all I could think about was that home was something I'd never had before. Not like this. Not  _safe_."  
  
Both men looked up and their eyes came together once again. "That's why I want to be right here with you tonight."  
  
Nodding almost imperceptibly, Jensen pressed his hand flat to Jared's chest. He could feel the shallow rise and fall of Jared's chest, the way the story had gripped him. It was painful to see but it had to be even more painful to be living in Jared's skin.  
  
So many scars.  
  
As Jensen watched, the tip of Jared's tongue parted his lips for a moment and ran along his bottom lip.  
  
"Do you hate them?"  
  
Brow furrowed, Jensen looked into Jared's eyes. "Hate what?'  
  
Jared's hand came to rest over Jensen's hand, pressing  _hard_  against his chest. "The scars. All the marks … it's like I won't ever be away from him."  
  
This time, Jensen shook his head quickly. "I don't - I don't even dislike them. Would I rather you'd never gone through all the shit that you have? Yeah. You bet. But, they're just a part of you. Part of the road you took to get here. How could I ever hate that?"  
  
There was a half-smile on Jared's lips like he couldn't really believe what he was hearing Jensen say. Maybe it helped Jared a little to see it all differently.  
  
"Thank you for telling me," Jensen said softly. He was really thanking Jared for so much more.  
  
He stretched up and pressed his lips to Jared's. It was tender and Jensen felt the warm rush of Jared's breath.  
  
Their lips hovered there for a while. Their breathing slowed and it felt like everything began to sync up. The beat of their hearts became the same sound and Jensen shivered a little as pleasure wound cautiously through his body.  
  
Jared tilted his chin up slightly, lips catching Jensen's again, more firmly; his movements were much more sure than Jensen's.  
  
All the walls Jensen had built up, all the distance he'd managed to keep between them was trembling in front of him like it would eventually bow and break.  
  
He let Jared control the kiss, let those warm, wet lips move over his in slow sweeps. The heat that had been lurking in Jensen body swelled and burst into his bloodstream like a drug.  
  
Pushing forward, Jared gasped against Jensen's mouth as their bare chests touched for the very first time.  
  
Jensen's hands slid down to Jared's hip, holding him there, flush, close and  _safe_.  
  
The nip of Jared's teeth made Jensen shake. He could  _feel_  so much it was making him a little dizzy.  
  
Jared's body rolled forward and covered Jensen's and that set off the sparks of want again. As much as Jared might need Jensen, he was strong, a  _force_ , and Jensen gave way to it willingly.  
  
The kiss deepened. Jared's tongue pushed, forcefully, into Jensen's mouth. It was  _hot_  and wet; it was the kind of kiss that Jensen was pretty sure he'd only read about.  
  
A moan vibrated into the kiss and Jared's fingers dug into the firm muscle of Jensen's thigh.  
  
There were things Jensen wanted to say, thoughts that were still trying to claw their way out of Jensen's mind. But, as they almost surfaced, Jared's tongue would sweep forward and chase them away again.  
  
Pulling back slightly, Jared panted against Jensen's wet lips. His hair was hanging down, the feather tips of it tickling Jensen's cheeks and forehead.  
  
He strained up into Jared's body. The  _solid_  weight of the man was making Jensen's cock weep and his chest ache.  
  
It wasn't that it had been a long time since he'd had sex, it was that he  _wanted_  Jared. Both his hands travelled over the smooth flesh of Jared's hips, his lower back then fingertips pushed under the waistband of soft cotton.  
  
The next moan Jared let out was louder; his teeth sank into Jensen's bottom lip for a few moments, then the little teasing flicks of Jared's tongue nudged the hurt away.  
  
Taking heed of all his body's wants, the warnings that next would be  _more_ , Jensen slid his hands down to cup the muscular curves on Jared's ass.  
  
Jared's back arched, his hips pressing forward as he planted his hands on the mattress above Jensen's shoulders.  
  
Jared's long, lithe frame moved over Jensen's like a retreating wave. Their flesh was smooth, too warm, firm and trembling. But they fit together perfectly. Jared's knee pushed Jensen's legs apart, his mouth took Jensen's breath away and his hips ground down.  
  
Pleasure sliced through Jensen's body. He jerked gracelessly off of the bed, balls throbbing and each breath much more of a struggle than the one before.  
  
Jared's body moved slowly. He was a wave of flesh. Teeth, then the sweep of tongue, the beating of each of their hearts. Their swollen cocks ran  _hard_  past each other through the soft cotton of their underwear.  
  
When Jensen moaned he threw his head back against the pillow; his throat stretched out long and wanting for Jared's lips.  
  
The sheets slid further down the bed as Jared descended upon Jensen to mouth and bite and drag his tongue along the length of his neck.  
  
The way Jensen's hands clawed at Jared's back dug his nails into the skin of Jared's shoulders.  
  
A gasp of hot, damp breath blew across Jensen's throat and he let out a broken moan as he thrust his hips up off the bed to meet the force of Jared's coming down.  
  
It was too fast and a little frantic and took Jensen's breath away.  
  
Jared ground his hips down, the force of it pinning Jensen there in the pleasure of it.  
  
Sweat had dampened the roots of Jared's hair and Jensen slid a hand the length of the man's spine so he could grab a fistful of hair.  
  
He urged Jared forward into a deeper kiss; he wanted all the weight of Jared's body. He wanted the strength of the man, all of it.  
  
The broad span of Jared's hand pinned Jensen's hand to the mattress above his head.  
  
As another shudder rippled through Jensen's body, he managed to pry his eyes open.  
  
Jared's skin was flushed; sweat glistened at his temples and throat. His chest rose and fell quickly as he panted. It was graceful and  _hot_  the way he was managing to hold himself up and still roll his hips down into Jensen's again and again.  
  
As the peak of Jensen's pleasure sped towards him, he arched his spine, bowing up off the bed.  
  
Jared groaned, his fingers captured Jensen's wrist, his mouth slanting over Jensen's. At the moment Jared's tongue teased it's way forward again, Jared held the press of his hips down against Jensen's. The fiery heat of Jared's thick cock was flush with Jensen's and the slow slide of it made Jensen's balls draw up. Jared sucked on Jensen's bottom lip then pulled back and stared down at Jensen as their hips moved together.  
  
He licked his lips and a drop of sweat hit Jensen's cheek. He struggled against Jared's grip on his wrist but Jared held fast, grinding harder against Jensen's body.  
  
The next breath Jensen tried to draw in became a strangled moan as he pleasure spiked. He came  _hard_. It felt like it would peel his spine right out of his body and leave him weak and boneless.  
  
While the wet heat of his come spread on his boxers, Jensen curled his free arm around Jared's neck and held on.  
  
Jared's hips jerked forward and he let out a rough moan then collapsed onto Jensen's body. His hips moved weakly, shallow thrusts as he hit his peak against Jensen's body.  
  
Jensen finally gasped for air as though reaching the surface of the water. The grip Jared had on his hand weakened and Jensen pulled his hand free.  
  
Both arms around Jared's shoulders, Jensen held him there, close and perfect and slick with the sweat of their frantic encounter.  
  
"Jesus," Jensen whispered into Jared's damp hair.  
  
Jared managed a weak laugh and lay there as his breathing evened out. Slowly, he moved to the side and Jensen turned with him, completely unwilling to give up the closeness.  
  
A smile curved its way onto Jared's lips and he let his heavy eyelids close as his arm slid over Jensen's waist possessively.  
  
Heart thumping, Jensen lay there on his back and breathed his way through the receding pleasure.  
  
He closed his eyes and drew in the scent of  _them_ , the sweet of Jared's hair, the more earthy smell of sweat and the musk of sex and come. His mind whirled as he lost his grasp on the world around him.  
  
Jared was silent as he fell asleep holding Jensen  _tight_  against him.  
  
Jensen smiled briefly, nosed into Jared's hair and quit fighting sleep.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
When Jensen awoke in the morning, Jared was gone. At first, Jensen hoped that he'd gone to the bathroom or to get a bottle of water. But he kept his eyes closed a long time and Jared didn't reappear.  
  
After a long wait, Jensen rolled over on to his side and stared at the empty bed. All the warnings that had been absent the night before now whispering away into Jensen's ear.  
  
The day before had been rough. It had been a fertile breeding ground for mistakes and Jensen was beginning to think he had just made one of the bigger ones.  
  
It wasn't that he regretted what had happened. He could still feel the way Jared's body felt pressed so close to his. It was almost painful to think of their encounter as a mistake. But then, Jared wouldn't have crept silently from the bedroom if he was fine with it. Not that Jensen really knew  _what_  Jared would do.  
  
Jensen was beginning to accept that this was the way his life was going to go.  
  
A tap at the bedroom door nudged Jensen from his thoughts. Jared was leaning around the door frame. "Hungry?"  
  
"I could eat," Jensen answered.  
  
"Made you breakfast," Jared said. He smiled and headed back down the hall.  
  
Jensen lifted an eyebrow and watched his roommate disappear. The bright side was they they weren't ignoring each other and the brief encounter hadn't seemed particularly uncomfortable.  
  
A little reluctantly, Jensen rolled out of his comfortable bed. He looked around the room and there was no sign that Jared had even been there the night before.  
  
Jensen's clothes were just where he'd left them.  _Surreal_. He slipped his jeans on and then went over to the dresser for a clean t-shirt.  
  
Padding down the hallway, Jensen took a few deep breaths and stretched his arms out. "Why you up so early?"  
  
Jared was at the stove flipping pancakes on a griddle. "Just felt like breakfast. Wasn't it my turn to cook anyway?"  
  
There was already a freshly made fruit salad and Jensen sat down at the table and picked out a piece of melon. "I guess."  
  
They had been rotating the cooking since Jared had healed enough to stand.  
  
"Man of few words this morning?" Jared asked. He began scooping up more pancakes over onto a serving plate.  
  
"Just tired. Aren't you tired after yesterday?" Jensen chewed slowly and studied the tension in Jared's back. The muscles across his broad shoulders were tight. He was coiled up like a spring.  
  
"I felt okay when I woke up," Jared said. He reached over the griddle and turned everything off then headed to the table to join Jensen.  
  
It was quite a spread. There was a huge platter of pancakes, fruit salad, toast, a few different jars of jam and a small plate of bacon. At least Jensen was going to be well-fed even if he was miserable.  
  
Jared put some pancakes on his plate then paused to look at Jensen. "You gonna eat?"  
  
Nodding, Jensen pulled his chair closer to the table and took a couple of pancakes.  
  
"Jared? About last night-"  
  
"You know I saw a movie called that once. I was up in the middle of the night, watching TV. Two friends who slept together and it kind of messed up their friendship."  
  
"Is that what you think is happening?" Jensen put his fork down slowly. Even though he'd thought about it, facing a discussion about an encounter that Jared clearly considered a mistake was a completely different beast.  
  
"No," Jared said before folding some bacon into his mouth. He chewed for a while as he stared at Jensen from under his lashes.  
  
"So - what happens now?" There was a sick feeling in Jensen's stomach and he didn't feel like eating. He just wanted to get some fresh air and avoid having to deal with Jared and their future.  
  
Jared shrugged a shoulder. "Back to normal, I guess. I'm going to stay in school and finish off the year. Gotta get a job. I can't live of your kindness forever." Jared picked up a bottle of pancake syrup and poured rather a lot over his small stack of pancakes.  
  
Sometimes, Jensen felt like they were on an oval track, simply going around and around until neither of them could remember where anything began or ended.  
  
"So. Back to roommates," Jensen said. He was surprised to feel a little flutter of hurt in his chest. But, Jared was the one who needed to control the outcomes.  
  
"We were never  _not_  just roommates, right?" Jared asked softly. He smiled at Jensen then shovelled some pancakes into his mouth and chewed for a while before swallowing. "'Cause… Jeff."  
  
 _Jeff_. Jensen hadn't thought about Jeff  _once_  the night before. Not once. He really was a shitty friend. "Jeff. Jeff and I have - we're in a casual-"  
  
"- relationship," Jared finished. "I know. Maybe one day you'll be more. Maybe not. But - this way. I mean what we did is okay, right?" Jared gestured vaguely in the direction of the bedroom.  
  
"Uh huh?"  
  
"Well. That was okay to do. I mean it won't happen again, like I said. So Jeff won't be mad and it doesn't ruin anything." Using the back of his hand, Jared wiped it across his forehead.  
  
There it was again. It was like Jared always had one of those huge flashing red EXIT signs just above his shoulder. Always a way out. Now, he always had a way out. Now. When he didn't even need one.  
  
Not trusting himself to speak, Jensen nodded when Jared looked over at him. Frustrated as he was, he was running out of fight.  
  
"It's all okay?"  
  
The fact that Jared needed reassurance felt  _really_  damned unfair. "It's all okay, Jared."  
  
Looking a little relieved, Jared ate another mouthful of pancakes.  
  
Just like that, everything had changed again and Jensen felt a little lost. Maybe all the emotion, the pleasure he felt when he was with Jared was in his own mind. Or maybe he was just  _way_  too exhausted to keep throwing himself against the same immovable object.  
  
Forcing a smile onto his face, Jensen pulled his plate closer and put a forkful of pancake into his mouth. It was tasteless this time and Jensen swallowed as soon as he could.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The problem with life, as far as Jensen was concerned, was that it just kept going no matter what. After his single night with Jared in his arms, he began to realize that he was in over his head. If Jensen were a spiritual man, he would probably be thinking that Jared had appeared in his life as some kind of test - or maybe even a punishment.  
  
Seeing Jared every morning as he climbed out of bed, watching him sitting in the sun reading, the times when Jared was deep in thought and staring out the window. All of those moments were a little bit like torture.  
  
Jared had wanted comfort from Jensen. Comfort, for one night. Jensen realized, too late, that it had been opportunistic. He wasn't a cruel man, and Jensen knew they were friends. The problem was that he wanted  _more_. What Jensen wanted from Jared was different from anything he'd wanted from anyone before. He wanted him to stay there. More than anything, Jensen realized  _far_  too late, was that he wanted a relationship. He wanted the annoying grocery store trips, arguments over whether or not they would get a new car, hearing Jared talk in his sleep, painting walls and trying to fix things neither of them knew how to. He'd never wanted it before but Jensen had wanted it all with Jared.  
  
There were complications, of course, and for a while Jensen had believed they could work it out. Eventually, he'd thought, Jared would want to settle down again; if he'd gotten his sea legs back, they would have begun dating each other. But, it didn't happen that way at all. And it wasn't  _going_  to happen.  
  
 _That_  was what Jensen had to deal with. It wasn't Jared's fault. He'd been through hell and managed to claw his way back. Jensen knew that he had helped his friend. He didn't doubt that Jared considered their friendship to be special. Jared had  _told_ Jensen that he couldn't have gotten through anything without their bond. Even if Jared didn't want a relationship with Jensen, the guy was still incredibly sweet.  
  
Jensen could still remember the day he'd hit Jared. All those months later he could recall the exact expression on Jared's face as he'd been clipped and then flipped up onto the hood. He wouldn't forget that was how they'd arrived in each others' lives.  
  
Since the night they'd slept together, Jared seemed a little more reserved around Jensen. That was the one consolation. Jared remained firmly inside his invisible bubble of personal space. From that evening forward they had become straight-up friends. No doubt.  
  
When Jensen wasn't feeling sorry for himself and his abject failure with Jared, he could see how nerve-wrecking the court proceedings were on Jared.  
  
Jared kept Jensen on the periphery of it all. He had met Jensen's lawyer, he'd met the woman's assistants or, at least, some of them. What they discussed in their meetings, behind closed doors, Jensen wasn't party to. Jared had mumbled something one afternoon about appearances and how Jensen needed to keep a low profile so people didn't assume that Jared had moved on to another relationship. Jensen wasn't sure how to take that so he filed it away with all the other things he didn't understand about Jared.  
  
Samantha Ferris was Jared's lawyer. Jensen didn't like her very much; but then they didn't have to hang out and drink beer or anything.  
  
One afternoon, she and Jared had outlined the legal strategy in the vaguest of terms for Jensen. The lawyer seemed pretty confident that they would win. In her opinion, they would be approached by the defence team in hopes of reaching a plea agreement.  
  
Although Jared had said early on that he wouldn't let Mark get away with anything, he had relented later on. Jensen supposed the lawyer had explained the situation in a way that made sense to Jared.  
  
Because of the closed doors and the massive amount of meetings, Jensen didn't ask questions. Maybe it was better if he didn't know all the details. It might make it a little easier for him to spend less time thinking about ways to ensure that Mark never got near Jared again.  
  
All Jensen knew was that things were progressing well for Jared. He was happy.  
  
Jensen would never find a way to stop caring about Jared. He had discovered that he just didn't have it in him.  
  
So there it was. Jensen's life had changed and yet  _not_  changed at all. Jared had been a blessing and a curse.  
  
After weeks of hardly seeing Jared, overhearing snippets of conversations about the court case Jensen decided to jump back into his own life. He'd been happy before Jared came into his life; he could be happy in spite of Jared's presence.  
  
It had been weeks since Jensen had seen Jeff. Life had just gotten really busy for a while. Matt was working out really well at the practice. Jensen felt really confident about taking his time off. The ironic thing was that he found himself with very little to do now that Jared was preoccupied.  
  
It was good though. He thought it was good. He kept trying to convince himself that it was good. Inviting Jeff over for dinner and a movie seemed like a great jumping in point, a way to reclaim some of his world.  
  
He hadn't counted on being nervous about having Jeff over. He just wasn't sure which way it would go. He and Jeff had discussed Jeff's suggestion that they be  _more_  than friends. Jensen hadn't thought about it until recently. But, obviously, Jeff would be expecting some kind of answer if he came over. Or not. It was always hard to say with Jeff and his unending patience.  
  
"Jared!" The sound of Jensen's yell echoed around the house but he knew Jared was in his room.  
  
"Jared? Don't forget Jeff's coming over." Jensen looked down the hallway as he dried his hands off. Some kind of sound came out of Jared's room and it sounded vaguely like a positive response so Jensen headed back to the patio. He had a couple of huge steaks on the barbecue along with baked potatoes. The beer was in a small cooler. No one could really blame Jensen for pulling out the stops. Jeff's favorites all around. He knew he hadn't been the best friend in the world of late.  
  
Jared poked his head around the edge of the patio door. He was scratching at his hair. "Hey. Fell asleep studying."  
  
Jensen smiled and turned the steaks slowly. "You don't have to go out if you don't feel up to it."  
  
Jared's eyes widened a little and then he dragged his hand down his face and laughed a little. "Yeah. I gotta  _not_  be here, I think."  
  
Frowning slightly, Jensen shrugged off Jared's weird reply and poked at the potatos a few times. "What are you gonna do?"  
  
Jared came out from behind the door and fussed with his shirt. "Sam's assistant, Jake, is having some people over. Gonna order pizza, hang out."  
  
Jensen glanced over to see Jared still pulling at his t-shirt. He only did that when he was nervous. Jensen turned away slightly and rolled his eyes at himself. He was probably doing the thing that Jeff had pointed out - projecting. Because  _he_  was unsettled he was assuming that Jared was. There was nothing for Jared to be nervous about, at least, Jensen didn't think there was.  
  
"Be nice for you to hang out with … people." Too far into the sentence, Jensen realized that he knew nothing about the people that Jared was going to spend his time with.  
  
Jared nodded. "Sam said that Jake is the best assistant she's ever had. She says he's a genius. I guess he went to some fancy school when he was really young. She says we probably have a lot in common."  
  
"Did she send you his resume?" Jensen asked. He chuckled and reached down to pull a beer out of the cooler.  
  
"What?" The doorbell rang and Jared frowned over his shoulder in the direction of the door. When he turned back toward Jensen he was still frowning. "Sam was just being nice. She said I might like hanging out with someone my own-" Jared stopped abruptly.  
  
The doorbell rang again and Jensen heard the door open behind Jared.  
  
"Your own age?" Jensen finished. He filed that one in the column of reasons  _not_  to like Ms. Ferris the lawyer.  
  
Jeff appeared from down the hallway. "If you boys aren't gonna answer the doorbell there's no point in me pretendin' to be all polite and …you guys alright?" He looked from Jared to Jensen and then back again when neither one said anything.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes for a moment then set his beer down. He smiled warmly at Jeff. "Well,  _I_ , for one, am  _very_  glad to see you, Jeff."  
  
Still looking a little leery, Jeff stepped out onto the patio and set a bottle of wine on the table.  
  
"You look great." Jensen stepped in to Jeff's body and kissed him softly. He lingered there a little, letting the scent of Jeff's cologne bring good memories to the surface of his mind.  
  
The weight of Jeff's hand fell on Jensen's hip and he smiled into the kiss. "You look good."  
  
"Well…" Jared said quietly.  
  
Jensen stepped back and returned to the barbecue. "Say hi to Jared. He's going over to Jake's tonight. Jake is closer to Jared's age so they should have a really good time."  
  
"Hey, Jared," Jeff said hesitantly.  
  
"Jeff." The smile on Jared's face wavered slightly.  
  
"You can stay if you want, Jared. I doubt you'll have much fun though," Jensen shrugged and reached for his beer in the hopes that a mouthful of it might prevent him from saying anything else.  
  
"Don't be a jerk," Jared said weakly.  
  
Jeff smiled slightly, obviously confused as to what was going on.  
  
Turning slowly, Jensen set his barbecue for down. "What did you say to me?"  
  
All the blood seemed to leave Jared's face and a muscle in his jaw twitched under his pale skin. "I. I didn't mean to-"  
  
"Whoa. Whoa." Jeff stepped forward and narrowed his gaze at Jensen before turning to Jared. "It's nice to see you again, Jared. It's been months. How's the build-up for the trial going?"  
  
With his gaze still locked on Jensen's face, Jared nodded. "Goin' well. It was nice to see you, Jeff."  
  
"Jared?" Jeff frowned and reached for Jared's shoulder.  
  
Jared stepped back from Jeff's reach. "I better go. Have a good night."  
  
When Jensen set his beer down Jared was already gone. It was only a few seconds before Jensen heard the front door bang shut.  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
"Yeah?" Jensen turned to see Jeff giving him a  _look_.  
  
"Give me a beer and tell me what  _that_  was all about." Jeff continued to frown as he moved around the table.  
  
Granted, Jensen had been a bit of a jerk but he didn't want to be berated for it. He handed Jeff a beer and watched as his friend sat down at the table.  
  
"Well?" Jeff shrugged off his leather and leaned forward. He set the beer down so he could rub his hands together in mock excitement.  
  
"Jackass," Jensen muttered under his breath.  
  
"What?" Jeff laughed. "It was quite the welcome. Why are you and your beautiful roommate being less than friendly with one another?"  
  
It wasn't going to do Jensen much good to lie, or to try and change the subject. Jeff knew him too well. "It's been rough around here since he pressed charges."  
  
"No doubt." Jeff opened his beer and brought it up to his lips quickly when it started to foam.  
  
The steaks were ready so Jensen started to make up a couple of plates. "It's probably been a long time coming. I mean, I hit him with a car and six months later we're roommates who don't really know each other. That's just an accident waiting to happen, isn't it?"  
  
When Jensen turned to hand a plate to Jeff, his friend was looking a little stunned. "What?"  
  
"What  _happened_?" Jeff took his plate and set it down on the table in front of him.  
  
Jensen spun to pick up his plates then joined Jeff at the table. "The night he filed charges, months ago now, he and I slept together. Well, we didn't -" Jensen shrugged and rolled his eyes.  
  
"You didn't fuck?" There was amusement in Jeff's eyes that kind of irritated Jensen. He was half hoping that Jeff might at least feign jealousy.  
  
"No," Jensen said dryly. "We didn't. But we were intimate. And the next morning, Jared acted like nothing had happened."  
  
"Really?" Jeff cut into his steak and put a piece of it in his mouth. He hummed his approval.  
  
"Yeah. He wanted us to be  _just roommates_. Nothing more." Jensen pushed the food around on his plate a little, then opted for drinking more beer.  
  
"And tonight?"  
  
"Apparently," Jensen began. "His lawyer set up some kind of meeting with the lovely, smart and age-appropriate assistant, Jake." Repeating it made Jensen feel a little ridiculous. He sounded like a jealous ex.  
  
"And you didn't like that?" Jeff was smirking again and Jensen sneered a little.  
  
"Jared can hang around with whomever he wants." Jensen took a few swallows from his beer bottle before setting it down. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."  
  
Looking a little surprised, Jeff shrugged then nodded. "How was your day, dear?"  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes again, but this time he smiled.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	7. Chapter 7

Jeff had known Jensen long enough to move to a different topic when asked to.  _That_  was why the rest of their evening together went smoothly.  
  
During dinner they talked about the practice. It seemed that Danneel had developed an interest in Dr. Cohen. She and Jeff were engaged in some betting regarding the young physician's sexual orientation.  
  
As always, there were some patient stories. The two men were always respectful about their patients but they had to blow off steam somewhere.  
  
The bottle of wine was opened shortly after they finished their steaks. Soon, the cool air chased them inside and they had settled on the couch.  
  
Jensen had picked a movie for them to watch. It was some action movie that he knew Jeff would like.  
  
The film had seemed pretty typical to Jensen. There had been a lot of car chases, a few explosions, a steamy heterosexual sex scene with very little male nudity. Jensen hadn't really enjoyed it - but he had enjoyed sitting with Jeff and bothering him while it was playing.  
  
"I can't believe you like that crap," Jensen murmured as soon as the credits began to roll.  
  
Jeff circled his arm around Jensen's neck and tugged him closer. "You like them too, you just don't want to admit it."  
  
Laughing, Jensen got comfortable against Jeff's side. "Only watch them to please you."  
  
"Uh huh." Jeff focussed on the credits for a while, fingers combing through Jensen's hair. He liked to read the credits; he always said that it was kind of amazing how many people seemed to be involved behind the scenes on an average film.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes and smoothed his hand over Jeff's chest. It was nice to be close to someone again. He'd missed the closeness he and Jeff had developed over the years.  
  
"You sleepin'?" Jeff pressed his lips to Jensen's temple. He breath smelled faintly of beer and wine.  
  
"Just enjoying this. It's been months." There were parts of Jensen's life that he'd just put on hold when Jared had come into his life. Seeing Jeff had been one of those parts that Jensen had missed.  
  
He and Jared had been close to each other, grown more comfortable in each others' personal space over time. For obvious reasons it had been far different than things had been with Jeff.  
  
"You kinda went into hiding for a while," Jeff murmured into Jensen's hair.  
  
Goosebumps appeared in Jensen's arm and he rubbed at them. "Yeah. I'm sorry, I just got caught up in what was going on over here."  
  
"Meaning Jared," Jeff murmured.  
  
As Jensen nodded he nestled a little closer. "Yeah. Guess I got a little carried away."  
  
"With what?" Jeff's touch was soothing, his fingers felt familiar on Jensen's scalp.  
  
"I thought there was a chance," Jensen said softly.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Me and Jared, I guess. It really felt, for a while, like there was something there."  
  
"Oh Jensen. The kid is so screwed up. He's just getting out from under that whole mess he was in. He's not ready for anything new." Jeff rubbed his lips back and forth across Jensen's temple.  
  
"I know.  _You_  warned me; Danneel told me to stay away from him. It just happened I guess. But. It's done."  
  
"Done? That sounds pretty final." Jeff wrapped his arms tightly around Jensen.  
  
"He doesn't - he isn't interested in any more than roommates." Jensen flipped a button open on Jeff's shirt so that he could slide his fingers under the cotton. "Can we just write all this off to some stupid fantasy I had?"  
  
It was a little embarrassing and Jensen was completely unfamiliar with the  _yearning_  he felt. He didn't like it one bit.  
  
"You'll be fine, you know." Jeff's voice was soft, caring.  
  
Jensen nodded against Jeff's chest. "Stay here tonight?"  
  
Jeff was silent for a while then kissed the top of Jensen's head.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Jensen would never forget the day the legal proceedings finished. It would be seared into his brain for as long as he was  _able_  to remember.  
  
It was a Wednesday night. To be more specific, it was movie night for Jared and Jensen. Except it wasn't. That had fallen by the wayside as Jared became busier with his new friends.  
  
Jensen had known something was different the moment he had pulled into the driveway. There were a couple of unfamiliar cars parked to one side in front of the garage. There were even a few vehicles on the street that Jensen didn't recognize.  
  
His first thought was that something might have happened to Jared. The engine was barely switched off when Jensen was shoving his door open and jogging up the front path.  
  
The door was unlocked and Jensen pushed it open quickly, then almost fell when he tripped over a pair of sneakers. Swearing softly, Jensen kicked the shoes out of the way then realized there were four other pairs.  
  
"Jared?" Slipping off his own boots, Jensen froze when he heard the sound of laughter in the distance. "Jare?"  
  
He looked around the corner to find a few jackets lying over the back of the sofa. "What the hell?"  
  
Following the sound of the voices and the laughter, Jensen headed through the house to the patio doors.  
  
There were people sitting outside. Jared was sitting with his back to the door; Jensen would recognize those broad shoulders anywhere.  
  
Most of the other faces sitting around the patio belonged to strangers. Just as Jensen was about to sneak back down the hallway, Ms. Ferris waved.  
  
Jared spun quickly then hurried inside, sliding the door closed behind him. There was a tentative smile on Jared's face and Jensen found himself wondering when Jared had begun feeling so nervous around him. It was a little crazy but it was starting to feel as though they'd come full circle.  
  
"Are you okay, Jared?"  
  
"What?" Jared smiled as a small crease appeared in the center of his forehead.  
  
"The cars, the people, I just thought something had happened to you-"  
  
"No,  _God_  no-"  
  
"-Good. I just didn't know the people-"  
  
"Sorry," Jared said. "Didn't mean to worry you or anything." Taking a step closer, Jared smiled a little more confidently.  
  
"Great," Jensen said. It was easily the most uncomfortable conversation Jensen had ever had with Jared. It even rivaled some of the discussions they'd had when Jared was still injured. "I guess I'll just go and … read or something."  
  
"No!" Jared said quickly. "It's a party. Jensen, it's done."  
  
"Done?" It seemed like an awfully short party to Jensen.  
  
"The case. We were contacted today by Ma- by his lawyer. They laid out an offer for us to consider. It - it pretty much covered what we wanted. He is agreeing to a year of therapy, to repay some of the income I made that I put into his home, there are some personal security things - and yeah. I can pay for school and everything now. It's finally done."  
  
There must have been a puzzled look on Jensen's face because Jared ducked his head down and his smile brightened. "Jensen? I agreed to the offer. Not exactly as they had worded it. Sam picked it apart and re-wrote the whole thing. But they accepted the revised offer. So it just needs to be approved by the judge and it's completely finished."  
  
 _Finished_. Jensen blew out a breath as he ran through the time in his mind. It didn't feel like enough time had passed for the case to be over. "Finished?"  
  
Jared nodded and threw his hands out to the side. "Crazy, right?"  
  
 _Crazy_  was one word for it. "Wow. Well, I guess - I - congratulations. You feel okay with it?"  
  
Nodding slowly, Jared let a grin overtake his smile. "It's feeling pretty good right now. No more fretting about the case or worrying about seeing Mark. I might have to see him once more and that will be it."  
  
Jensen nodded. He really was pleased for Jared. Even though he had been excluded from most of the meetings about the case, Jensen remembered the strained look on Jared's face some evenings. "That's really great, Jared. I'm pleased for you." Jensen took a deep breath.  
  
"There's something else, too."  
  
All the warmth in Jensen's body fled.  
  
"Sam offered me a job on her research team."  
  
"Wow." Things had certainly progressed quickly. It was beginning to feel like Jensen had pulled a Rip Van Winkle for a month. "I thought you were doing the animal technician thing."  
  
Nodding, Jared kept smiling. "I am, but this is research that I can do whenever I want. It can't hurt to have it as experience, right? And maybe I will like it. Who knows. I do enjoy research. If it's not to save my own ass it might be even better."  
  
"Yeah, okay." Jensen was at a loss for what to say. "That's. I don't know what to say. Lots of changes." He tried to keep a smile on his face.  
  
Jared's smile faded slightly and he stepped forward. "Listen, Jensen. I really want to tell you something-"  
  
"Padalecki! Did you tell Jensen about bein' my new roommate?" A tall, lanky blonde came flying into the kitchen. He smelled like beer and looked like he'd had a few too many.  
  
As Jensen was staring at Jared's guest, he realized what the man had said.  _Roommate_. Jared was moving out.  
  
"Jake,  _God_ , you could have at least let me tell him." If Jared had anything else to say it was muffled by the arm that Jake circled round his neck to put him in a headlock.  
  
"Jared, it's awesome, dude. We will have  _such_  a blast." Finally looking up, Jake nodded in Jensen's direction. "You're Jensen. I can tell by the way you look. Jared described you as an older-"  
  
Jake was cut off as Jared managed to fight his way out of the man's grip and swing him back toward the patio door. He was laughing, his cheeks flushed with happiness and effort. "Go drink, I'll be right back," Jared said cheerily.  
  
When he turned back toward Jensen's his smile faded slightly. "I wanted to tell you myself."  
  
Jensen nodded. He rubbed his shoulder which suddenly ached for no reason. His chest hurt too, his stomach was feeling a bit off kilter - Hell, he felt terrible. Of course, that could be a direct result of the gaping hole that Jared had just ripped into his heart.  
  
"Jake's roommate moved out at the end of the month." Jared jammed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.  
  
"Good timing," Jensen forced out. He felt his pockets to see where he'd put his car keys. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be staying very long.  
  
Jared looked a little puzzled and glanced over at his friends on the patio before looking back at Jensen. "With Sam's job and the money from Mark I'll be able to afford to cover it. It's a great opportunity. I like Jake, we get along really well. Not that I don't get along with you but this place…" Jared swept his hand around him encompassing the living area in Jensen's house.  
  
Looking around as though he was expecting answers to be seeping out of the walls, Jensen pushed back everything he wanted to say. "This place?"  
  
"It's yours," Jared said with a small shrug. "I think it will be good for me to have a place of my own. Gotta learn how to be on my own two feet, yeah?"  
  
Of course, being on his own two feet, apparently, meant with Jake. Jensen could feel his throat tightening as his heart began to race.  
  
"Jensen?" Jared looked worried.  
  
"Well, I'm happy for you." It was all Jensen could get out and it wasn't even the truth. What he wanted to do was anything other than congratulate Jared. He gestured toward the door. "I have to - there's this thing…"  
  
"Come and sit with us for a while," Jared pleaded. His eyes were wide and a little reddened around the edges. It looked like he might have had a few drinks himself.  
  
There was probably  _nothing_  that Jensen would rather do less than spend the next couple of hours pretending to be pleased when he was quite the opposite.  
  
He didn't understand how thing had become so wrong all of a sudden. "No, Jared. I was - heading over to. to Jeff's."  
  
"Oh." There was a strange look on Jared's face. It was almost as though he was sad, disappointed in Jensen. Honestly, Jensen found it a little difficult to care about Jared's feelings.  
  
"When will you be moving out?" Jensen asked.  
  
When Jared looked up, his eyes looked tired. "Jake's roommate is already gone. He said he would cover a month on his own if I need the time -"  
  
"Don't linger on my account," Jensen said coldly. The more he thought about the situation, the worse he felt. Jared hadn't even talked to him about what was going on. For a long time, Jensen had believed that he and Jared could, at least, end up friends. Now he wasn't sure that they had ever been friends at all.  
  
As much as he didn't want to believe it, it was starting to seem as though he was just a stepping stone for Jared to get to his _new_  life. Really, he couldn't fault the man for that. He'd always assured Jared that he'd expected nothing in return.  
  
This time Jared definitely looked hurt. Then Jensen had to deal with the most bizarre combination of sadness and satisfaction. He wasn't entirely sure what to do.  
  
"Jensen, I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you sooner. You haven't been around as much and -"  
  
"It's okay, Jared." Jensen closed his eyes for a few moments and tried to remember all the reasons why he cared about Jared so much. He would regret it if he were cruel to Jared because of what he was feeling.  
  
"Jared, it's all good. I was just surprised. And it was a busy day. I think it's great that you're moving on with your life. You've done … great." Jensen's tongue felt too big for his mouth, his throat dry as sand and his nails were digging into his palms.  
  
There was a relieved look on Jared's face even though his bottom lip was quivering slightly. If Jensen worked at it, he could convince himself that Jared was just overwhelmed by everything that was going on.  
  
Almost as though he was going to give Jensen a hug, Jared stepped forward with his arms outstretched then Jake came bounding through the patio doors again and slammed into Jared's side.  
  
"Jared, dude! It's your party. Didn't you say Jensen had a boyfriend or something? Don't imagine he wants to hang around with us." As he spoke, Jake swayed back and forth a little, obviously drunk. Jensen realized he need to leave the house before he said something he would regret.  
  
"Yeah. My boyfriend is waiting," Jensen said dryly. Frankly, getting to Jeff was about the only thing that Jensen could even think of doing.  
  
"He's not-"  
  
Jensen had no desire to hear what Jared was going to say. None at all. By the time Jared called his name, Jensen was already halfway down the hall. All he could think about was how quickly he might be able to get to Jeff's.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
Less than half an hour later, Jensen was knocking on Jeff's condo door. Jeff had given him a key about a year earlier but Jensen had never used it before. He was knocking because, even though he'd let himself into the building, he couldn't bring himself to open Jeff's door and just walk in.  
  
The door swung open and Jeff's smiling face appeared. "Don't you have a key?"  
  
When Jensen lifted his gaze he could only  _just_  make out Jeff's features through the blur of tears. It shocked him. It was rare that he was moved to tears and he'd felt like he was in control until he was standing there in front of his closest friend.  
  
"Fuck, Jensen. What happened?" Jeff grasped Jensen's hand and pulled him into the condo quickly.  
  
Jensen leaned back against the door once Jeff had closed it. The next breath he drew in caught in his chest and he shook his head. The emotion that was welling up inside him was a little embarrassing but he was glad he was standing in front of Jeff. There just wasn't a way to get any words out.  
  
Pulling Jensen into his arms, Jeff murmured soothingly. It didn't matter much to Jensen what the words were, it was the soothing timbre of the familiar voice that pulled a sigh out of his aching chest.  
  
Jeff's hand smoothed over Jensen's back as their embrace tightened. It was only then that Jensen remembered that he hadn't said a thing. "Jeff," he mumbled. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"Hey," Jeff answered quickly. "Nothing to be sorry about, except maybe frightening the life out of a man my age."  
  
Jensen managed a slight smile as he stepped back. He kept hold of Jeff's warm hand and cleared his throat. "I'm pathetic."  
  
"Maybe a little," Jeff said softly. "But I'm guessing that something has gone wrong?"  
  
It felt really strange that Jeff didn't know what had happened. The whole world was feeling a little weird to him. It felt as though Jeff should just know everything because he was always there when Jensen needed him.  
  
"You look like you could use a drink. Take your coat off. My sweater is on the back of the sofa." Jeff headed toward the kitchen and Jensen smiled. He always teased Jeff about the stretched out old sweater but he was guessing Jeff was onto him. Whenever Jensen spent the night he would grab Jeff's sweater and bundle up in it. It was warm and it smelled like Jeff.  
  
By the time Jeff returned with two glasses and some expensive whisky, Jensen was settled on the couch in the sweater.  
  
Jeff poured two drinks then sat back on the sofa as he handed one to Jensen.  
  
The whisky burned Jensen's throat but it was a little reassuring. At least he could still feel something normal.  
  
Leaning his head back, Jeff smiled. "Talk."  
  
"Jared's moving out," Jensen said.  
  
"Wh- wait, when did this happen?" There was genuine surprise on Jeff's face. At least Jensen wasn't the only one.  
  
"He decided today, I guess. I didn't ask." There were little snippets of conversations fluttering around in Jensen's mind. "Jake, one of the lawyer's assistants, found out. I guess Jared told -  _fuck_ , I don't even know, Jeff."  
  
"Jesus." It looked like Jeff was completely shocked by what he was hearing.  
  
"Yeah. He said the house was mine or something. He wants a place of his own, to stand on his own two feet." That was really all Jensen could string together from what Jared had told him.  
  
"And, you? Where does all this leave you?" Jeff reached his arm along the back of the sofa and ran his fingers through Jensen's hair.  
  
"Stupid, is where it leaves me," Jensen said. "Really stupid for thinking that this. This thing with Jared would ever  _be_ something."  
  
"It's not stupid," Jeff said. He sighed and let his hand fall to the back of Jensen's neck. "You know, you're different now. It's good. I like it. I guess I had just always hoped that it would be me who would bring that out in you."  
  
Jensen shifted a little so he could look over at Jeff. "How have you stayed friends with me all this time?"  
  
For a few brief moments there was an intensity in Jeff's eyes that was almost scorching. Jensen wasn't sure why he'd never noticed before exactly how much Jeff cared for him. It made him feel a little hollow. If only he could love Jeff, Jensen would be the luckiest man on earth.  
  
Jensen drained his glass and set it back on the table in front of them. "Jeff. I know I haven't been a great friend but I really do care about you. I just-"  
  
"Jensen, don't," Jeff interrupted. "I'm not gonna ask you for something I know you can't give me." The smile on Jeff's face was still there but it was a little sadder.  
  
All Jensen could do was nod. He certainly wasn't going to lie to Jeff, not after everything they had been through. Jeff was the best friend Jensen had; he was amazing. "How did we end up here?'  
  
Jeff laughed softly and leaned forward to pour them both more whisky. "Just lucky, I guess."  
  
There really was no reason for it; no matter what had happened with Jared, Jensen wouldn't have changed the decisions he'd made. He'd helped Jared onto the road to a new life. Back then he'd had no expectations. And when it came down to it, it wasn't all that bad that Jared had changed Jensen in the process.  
  
Jensen's smile widened as he took the refilled glass from Jeff. He held the glass up. "Here's to friendship and to finding the person we deserve."  
  
After closing his eyes for a few moments, Jeff chuckled and clinked his glass against Jensen's. "And to lessons learned."  
  
"No going back." Jensen threw back the whisky and groaned as it made its fiery way down his throat.  
  
"When's boy wonder moving out?"  
  
"Hell if I know. He told me that Jake's apartment was available. I. I - well - I wasn't very pleasant." Jensen cringed when he remembered how he'd spoken to Jared.  
  
There was a mischievous grin on Jeff's face. "What did you do?"  
  
Jensen held out his glass and shook it until Jeff leaned forward to refill it. "I told him not to  _linger_  on my account."  
  
Laughing, Jeff took a drink of his whisky. "Ouch."  
  
Jensen rolled his eyes and shrugged dramatically. "I was surprised; you know what I'm like."  
  
Jeff lifted his eyebrows and nodded.  
  
"Shut it," Jensen said. It was just like Jeff to manage to make him feel better. His chest still ached a little; and yes, the rejection stung. But, things could be a great deal worse than they were. He supposed there was something to be said for finding out  _sooner_  rather than later that Jared felt nothing for him.  
  
"What you thinking about?" Jeff kicked his feet up onto the couch and across Jensen's lap.  
  
Jensen faked annoyance as he rearranged Jeff's legs and balanced his drink on his friend's thigh. "I was thinking how it's better to find out now. You know? Before things progressed anymore."  
  
"Pro … gressed," Jeff repeated slowly. He pronounced each syllable as he was tasting it.  
  
Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, Jensen squeezed Jeff's thigh. "What?"  
  
"Just thinking about the whole thing. I mean - you and he -" Jeff made an odd gesture with his drink to avoid saying anything out loud.  
  
"We. Yeah. Not …" Jensen rolled his eyes again.  
  
"You didn't fuck," Jeff said with that low rumble in his voice.  
  
"No. Jeff. We didn't." Jensen tugged at the collar of his shirt to relieve a little of the tension that was building in his chest.  
  
Then everything seemed to change. Jeff shifted a little, cleared his throat and stared at Jensen. "Why not? We have."  
  
Jensen was about to tell Jeff to mind his own business when he realized it was a strange question. "It was … different than that. Than us."  
  
"Different how?" The look on Jeff's face seemed like genuine curiosity.  
  
Shrugging, Jensen took a drink. "He was … different that night."  
  
"Different how?" Jeff prodded.  
  
Jensen had to think about that question for a while. It had been a strange night. The police station so closely followed by the hospital had affected Jared in more ways than Jensen could have ever predicted.  
  
Jensen sighed. "It was like he changed that night. When he first came to the house-"  
  
"When you tried to run him over?" Jeff smirked slightly.  
  
"Very funny. Will you ever let me forget that I hit someone?"  
  
"Probably not," Jeff admitted. "Go on; how did he change?"  
  
"At first, he seemed like this  _broken_  kid. Fragile. Hurt. It was like having some sort of wounded animal there." Jensen thought back to when Jared had been the skittish young man who had flung himself out of the bed when he first awoke at Jensen's house.  
  
"And later?" Jeff poured more whisky into Jensen's glass.  
  
"The night he filed charges, he was different when we got back home. Stronger." Jensen shook his head as it became too difficult to describe.  
  
"Maybe it was what he needed to do." Jeff shrugged. "He obviously felt safe around you. Maybe you gave him the kind of place he needed to get his life back on track."  
  
Jensen nodded and laughed dryly. "I had started to think of the house - of him there - as home." It was painful to say it out loud and it made Jensen feel a little foolish.  
  
"Nothing to be scoffed at. See what I mean? He changed you." Jeff held his glass up in Jensen's direction then drained it.  
  
"You're stuck on that  _changed_  thing." Jensen smiled warmly and rubbed the tight muscle above Jeff's knee.  
  
"Yeah. Well. You were a pretty great guy  _before_  you changed. Don't let it go to your head," Jeff said. "But I think you might actually be close to perfect now."  
  
Laughing, Jensen turned to look at Jeff. His laughter faded away when he saw how serious Jeff looked.  
  
Jeff let out a long sigh and swung his legs off Jensen's lap. He set his drink down on the table and dropped his head. "Come to bed with me. Just tonight. I can help you forget."  
  
As much as Jensen loved the man sitting beside him, he was a little rattled by the way things suddenly felt different between them. He knew two things. He knew that Jeff was in love with him and … "I love Jared."  
  
Without looking up, Jeff nodded. "Well, there it is. I think I knew, I was just wondering if  _you_  did."  
  
Sadness bit into Jensen and he could tell that it would be with him for a long time. How strange to realize something only after he'd already lost it. But then, he'd never really had any claim on Jared.  
  
Jeff stood and stretched. "I'll make sure the guest room is okay. You can stay as long as you want; you know that." His cool fingers ghosted over Jensen's cheek and then he was padding down the hallway.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It may have been a cowardly choice, but Jensen stayed at Jeff's condo for four days. He called Danneel and asked her to get Matt to cover his shifts at the practice. He assured Jeff he was alright and then he set himself up in Jeff's guest room.  
  
Jensen had no idea how to get through  _heartbreak_. It was hard to believe that there actually  _was_  a way through it. He had never expected, at his age, falling in love with someone and having it all fall apart before it even began.  
  
At first, Jensen spent a lot of time in pyjama pants, one of Jeff's old t-shirts and the sweater. There were plenty of old movies on Jeff's TV, lots of food in the fridge and enough old men's magazines to keep him going for weeks. The problem was that nothing really made Jensen feel that much better.  
  
He didn't give up. He was too old to give up on anything. He knew that, this too, would pass.  
  
There were a few pep talks from Jeff, some fond teasing and it felt a little like  _normal_  wasn't so far away.  
  
The idea of returning to the house wasn't appealing at all. As the days passed the number of missed calls and voice messages from Jared built up. Jensen ignored them. When he thought about it, he deleted the voice messages before listening to them.  
  
It wasn't that he couldn't stand to talk to Jared, it was that he didn't want to hear Jared try and justify everything. Obviously, he didn't know Jared as well as he'd thought he had but he was certain of some things. Jared would try to explain and it would just make them both feel worse. That was the way Jared dealt with things.  
  
On the fifth day, Jensen received his ticket home. It arrived in the form of a text message from Jared.  
  
 _ **Jared:**  Hope you're okay. I'm sorry things went wrong. I'm at the house. All moved out. Will lock up and leave my key in the garden shed. You there?"_  
  
For the longest time, Jensen just stared at the message on his screen. There really was no going back. The crazy thing was that, until that  _very_  moment, Jensen had still harbored the faintest hope that Jared would change his mind. But that wasn't going to happen.  
  
Really, Jensen understood. He didn't want to understand but he did. As Jared turned his life around it didn't make sense for him to rely on anyone. He was right to strive for independence.  
  
Jared was making healthy decisions. Jensen, not so much but he figured he'd earned the right to a few days of feeling sorry for himself.  
  
The phone binged again and Jensen looked down to find another text from Jared.  
  
 _ **Jared:**  Thank you for everything, Jensen. Really. I'm leaving now. Call me sometime. Please? Miss you._  
  
Jensen pressed his fingers to his lips and took a very deep breath. Just like that, his life reset.  
  
It was just as though he could see it all rushing past him in reverse - rewinding all the moments - right back to when he was driving down the road as Jared was running across the road.  
  
Just like that.  
  
Jensen threw his phone down and fell back onto the bed.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The house was dark when Jensen pulled up in the driveway. Months he had been arriving home to someone; he wasn't sure he could remember what it felt like to live  _alone_.  
  
The keys sounded far too loud when Jensen's shaking hand approach the lock. True to his word, Jared had made sure the house was locked up. Jensen had no intention of retrieving Jared's key until later. Let it sit in the shed.  
  
The door swung open and Jensen stepped inside.  _Home_. It felt the same, yet different. The presence of people in a home made it weightier, somehow, more firmly rooted.  
  
Nevertheless, Jensen was home.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It may have been yet another example of poor decision making on Jensen's part to return to work immediately after he moved back home.  
  
The day started out pretty horrifically. Jensen forgot to set an alarm on his phone. He was already late by the time he woke up. He tore around the house and managed to smash his hand into the corner of the table so hard it started to bruise immediately. He spilled coffee down his bright blue shirt, forgot to charge his razor and couldn't shave and then spent fifteen minutes looking for the car keys that were in his pocket.  
  
He made it to the practice ten minutes after he should have been in his first appointment.  
  
As he strode past Danneel, she held out a coffee from the cafe down the street. Jensen took it gratefully as he muttered, "Sorry."  
  
Danneel just smiled and stepped back out of his way before calling the first patient.  
  
The practice was familiar and Jensen felt a little comforted when he was shut in his office. The patient files were all laid out on his desk, his stethoscope was draped over his folded lab coat. Jensen made a mental note to choose some flowers for Danneel after work.  
  
Once the constant flow of patients began, Jensen realized how tired he was. Fortunately, Danneel seemed to miraculously know when he was needing a top-up on his coffee.  
  
Jensen didn't stop moving until lunch time.  
  
He headed down the hall and slipped into the kitchen.  
  
"You're still alive," Danneel said from behind the open refrigerator door.  
  
"Barely." Jensen grabbed the coffee pot and refilled his cup. "Thanks for keeping me stocked in coffee this morning."  
  
"You're welcome." The fridge door closed as Jensen sat down at the table.  
  
Standing near the counter with a Tupperware container in each hand, Danneel smiled. "Did you bring lunch?"  
  
It was lunch time and a perfectly normal part of the day and Jensen had forgotten about it completely. "I … uh. I didn't bring lunch."  
  
"Good." Danneel smiled brightly and headed to the microwave to heat up both containers. "Jeff came over last night and made pork medallions in a sour cream and mustard sauce. Very tasty."  
  
While Jensen was at the house trying to figure out how to turn on enough appliances to make it sound like there was someone else in the house, Jeff was over at Danneel's making dinner.  
  
"Love some," Jensen said. "Jeff's a good cook," Jensen said. He had no idea if Jeff would have mentioned that Jared had moved out.  
  
"He is." Danneel got some silverware and a couple of napkins and set two places at the table. "Did you have a rough night?"  
  
"Why do you ask that? Jensen rubbed his unshaven cheek. It felt itchy and unfamiliar.  
  
When Danneel looked up she raised an eyebrow and stared Jensen down. "Because you said you had a bad morning?"  
  
Relieved, Jensen smiled as he exhaled the lung full of air he'd been holding. "Hurt my hand, spilled coffee on my shirt, walked around looking for my keys while I was holding them. One of  _those_  mornings, you know?"  
  
Danneel's expression lightened a little and she smiled. "Ah, yes. I've had those mornings, although they usually end with a broken heel on a shoe. The bright side is that you won't have to face that." The microwave dinged and Danneel popped up to get their lunch.  
  
"Smells good," Jensen said.  
  
"Was good last night." Danneel set a plate in front of Jensen and sat down with her own. "Bon appétit."  
  
Jensen picked up his fork, then set it down again quickly. He sighed then let out a frustrated groan.  
  
Still chewing, Danneel did a double take when she saw Jensen's expression. Once she had swallowed, she put her fork down as well. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Jared moved out," Jensen said. It seemed like a good time to test the theory that he and Danneel were, in fact, friends.  
  
Danneel sat quietly for a few moments then covered Jensen's hand with hers. "Are you okay?"  
  
Jensen nodded automatically, then he laughed softly and shook his head. "I wanted a relationship, Dani. I mean I didn't figure that out at the right time but… I don't think. Anyway. He moved out."  
  
As he spoke, Danneel's eyes filled with sadness. She leaned forward and slid her arms around Jensen's shoulders.  
  
A little surprised at first, Jensen smiled shyly into Danneel's hair. It was one of the rare days when she wore it down and it felt like silk against his cheek.  
  
"Thanks," Jensen murmured. Her hair smelled like some kind of berry explosion and Jensen couldn't help smiling.  
  
When Danneel let go, Jensen looked down at the table. "It's fine. He needed to get his life back, I get that. After what he'd been through."  
  
The only sound in the room was the ticking of the fancy art deco clock on the wall above them. Jensen could still remember the way she'd argued in favor of that damn clock.  
  
Danneel sighed and pushed her plate back a little. "Where did he go?"  
  
"Moved in with  _Jake_. He's one of the lawyer's assistants. Conveniently enough, his roommate moved out and - oh yeah - the lawyer has given him a job."  
  
It was harder than Jensen expected to stem the flow of words once he'd started talking. Maybe it was a result of that  _quality_ that made Danneel such a good listener.  
  
"A job is good. Wasn't - what about school?" Danneel asked.  
  
"Dani, I don't know what he's doing. He didn't even tell me about moving. I came home to find out I was crashing his  _moving out_ party."  
  
"Ouch," Danneel said softly. "But, I don't get it. Things seemed to be going okay. What changed?"  
  
Every time Jensen thought about it, everything pointed to the night Jared spent in his bed. That was when things had changed. "The night he pressed charges. That's when everything seemed different. He - he said he didn't want to be alone. He was  _in_  my bed when I got there. I know it sounds like something I just made up but it's -"  
  
"-true," Danneel finished. "Jensen, I believe you, don't feel like you need to defend yourself all the time."  
  
Jensen nodded, blinking slowly. He took a couple of deep breaths then groaned as he let his head fall back. "I just wanted a chance."  
  
"You've changed," Danneel said softly.  
  
"That's what Jeff said. You two been consulting?" Jensen looked over at his friend’s sparkling brown eyes.  
  
Batting her lashes, Danneel let her mouth fall open in mock horror. "Why, Dr. Ackles. I would never."  
  
"Right," Jensen smirked and snatched his fork up again. He felt more like eating now that he'd talked to Danneel. “There's been a lot of note comparing going on behind my back. Can't trust either of you," Jensen teased.  
  
Danneel's laughter was bright and Jensen felt his mood lift a little. Maybe it wouldn’t end up being so bad that Jeff and Danneel had become friends.  
  
"By the way. I booked you a light afternoon." Danneel tugged her plate closer again.  
  
"That's kind of awesome."  
  
"I'm clever like that." Danneel beamed a smile at her boss.  
  
"Why yes, I do believe you are, Ms. Harris."  
  
They finished their lunch with much lighter conversation and more laughter. The normal that had felt unreachable a few days before seemed a lot closer.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The rest of the day was challenging enough that Jensen finally stopped watching the clock.  
  
Mr. Dalgleish needed a full physical in order to continue working at an oil rig in some city North of 40 that Jensen had never heard of. Carmen Winslow wanted a referral to a plastic surgeon which was quite simple, for obvious reasons. Jensen lost track of how many flu shots he gave. He even gave one to Danneel on her afternoon break, despite her protestations.  
  
Mrs. Kim Carrington told Jensen that he seemed different. Bob Robinson asked Jensen if he was okay. Carrie Nuren's three year-old son patted Jensen on the knee and looked up at him wistfully. It was all a little strange considering what he'd been through, and what his friends had said about him being  _different_.  
  
Jensen filed it all away. Maybe his friends were right and he had changed a little. The first time someone had said it, it had been a little unnerving but he was beginning to get used to it. He had developed a tendency to just shake his head; it was safer than agreeing or disagreeing. Worse things had been said about Jensen, after all.  
  
There was never anything mundane about being a physician. It was one of the things that had drawn Jensen to medicine in the first place. He liked solving puzzles.  
  
By late afternoon, Jensen was ready to see another room besides his examination rooms. They were a little  _too_  sterile.  
  
After Mr. Franklin had Jensen check a nasty Chihuahua bite and Jensen pronounced him not, in fact, at death's door, he had about fifteen minutes free before his next patient. He strolled down the hallway towards Danneel's desk slowly as he stretched out his back. Just as he was about to round the corner, he froze at the sound of a familiar voice. Jeff was there.  
  
"... told me that Jared moved out," Jensen heard Danneel finish.  
  
"Yeah," Jeff said. "Sorry. Didn't know if he wanted anyone to know," Jeff said.  
  
"Don't ever apologize for keeping a confidence," Danneel said quietly.  
  
Jensen felt like a bit of a jerk as he stayed around the corner just out of sight. There was something in Jeff's tone that was a little off; something Jensen couldn't quite put his finger on.  
  
"He's pretty hurt," Jeff said softly. There was an ache in Jeff's voice, a tenderness that Jensen hadn't heard very often.  
  
Danneel said something that Jensen couldn't hear and there was a little bit of silence. Someone was laughing in the waiting room.  
  
"...for the weekend?" Jeff was asking for something and Jensen really wanted to know what was going to happen. As difficult as it was to admit, Jensen was beginning to feel like everyone had secrets. Case in point - since when did Jeff come to the practice to see Danneel? Okay, they were friends but Jeff was supposed to be working himself and Danneel  _was_  working.  
  
"Absolutely," Danneel agreed quickly.  
  
"Should I go and see him? Try and explain?" Jeff asked.  
  
Jensen frowned as he listened. He had no  _real_  proof they were talking about him but it sure sounded like it.  
  
"I don't know," Danneel answered. The tone in her voice was familiar to Jensen. She really didn't know. That was pretty rare. But then, the mess that Jensen had managed to get himself into was a bit unusual.  
  
It might be the most intelligent choice to just walk away; stop listening. But Jensen was kind of frozen to the spot.  
  
Someone from the waiting room must have come to ask something. Danneel's voice changed, the tone of it more professional. Jensen was reminded for the thousandth time of why she was so great for the practice.  
  
After Jensen heard footsteps heading back into the waiting room, he heard Jeff's voice again.  
  
Jensen slid a little closer to the end of the hallway. If his friends spotted him, he was going to feel ridiculous. Eavesdropping? His head thumped back against the wall. He really was beginning to lose his mind.  
  
"... before. But I guess people can make bad decisions.  _Shitty_  decisions. This is just  _so_  wrong." Jeff sounded frustrated.  
  
Jensen had known his friend was disappointed but Jeff's words seemed a bit harsh. Jensen cast his gaze down; maybe he deserved it. He should have been able to tell what Jeff was feeling for him.  
  
Danneel's voice was gentle. "Sometimes, you just need to let people go. Let them make their mistakes and face the consequences. Things may not turn out the way he hopes."  
  
"Part of me still wants to just  _yell_  at him or. or.  _Fuck_. Did you ever wish you'd never met someone?"  
  
Jensen's heart felt a little like icea that was slowly revealing fine cracks. He could take a lot of things but hearing Jeff so hurt,  _so_ angry was almost impossible to tolerate.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes and rubbed at the ache that had appeared in the middle of his forehead.  
  
Danneel laughed flatly. "I absolutely have wished that. We all have. But-"  
  
"What?" Jeff sounded impatient which was really unusual.  
  
"Chill," Danneel admonished. Even Jeff, it turned out, was a little cowed by Danneel.  
  
"Chilled," Jeff said.  
  
"Maybe, you just need to flat out tell him what he's done."  
  
"Broken the heart of the man who would have loved him better than anyone?" Jeff's voice wavered and he cleared his throat without continuing.  
  
Jensen was starting to feel like the best possible option would be for the ground to open up right underneath him and just swallow him whole.  
  
The sound of Danneel's heels clicking against the tile in the reception area sent Jensen scurrying back down the hall.  
  
As soon as he reached his office, Jensen closed the door and leaned back against it. He'd like to be able to blame fate, or the universe, convince himself that he was influenced by some outside force. The naked truth was that Jensen was at fault.  
  
A knock on his office door made Jensen jump forward away from the door. "Yes?"  
  
"S'Jeff. You decent?" There was an amused touch to Jeff's tone that seemed completely out of place with the conversation Jensen had just overheard.  
  
"Yeah," he muttered as he pulled the door open.  
  
Jeff leaned forward as he passed Jensen and stopped when Jensen flinched. Too late, Jensen realized that Jeff had just been going to kiss his cheek. He'd done it hundreds of times, and now, even that simple kiss created nothing but questions in Jensen's mind.  
  
"Sorry," Jensen blurted out. His head really was starting to pound furiously. "I - I have a really bad headache."  
  
Frowning, Jeff pushed the door closed behind him then moved back to Jensen. "Maybe you should let Matt come in and take over the afternoon. He never does much on his days off."  
  
Now Jeff was familiar with Matt's schedule? And what Matt did on his days off?  
  
"No," Jensen said. "It's not that bad and Danneel has kept the afternoon light anyway. Matt needs his day off like everyone else. I don't want to upset him. He's still pretty new here. And besides, it's more hassle for Danneel if I leave now - she may even have to call-"  
  
"Whoa. Jensen, how much coffee have you had today?" Jeff looked mostly amused. Jensen felt mostly ill.  
  
Inwardly, Jensen cringed. His mind was reeling from everything he had overheard and he was half expecting Jeff to launch into some kind of tirade if given the opportunity.  
  
Trying to calm himself down a little, Jensen took a deep breath and then headed over to his desk. There were a few files lying on his desk. He shifted then sat down. "How are you… anyway. Jeff."  
  
"Jensen? Are you okay?" The amusement on Jeff's face had been replaced by concern.  
  
Jensen watched as Jeff moved closer and sat down in the chair on the other side of the desk. He needed to get his shit together. "It's just been a strange few weeks. Feels a little like everyone's moved on without me. You and Danneel became friends and, somehow, I completely missed it. Jared moved out and I didn't even notice that anything was wrong."  
  
Jeff's lips were pressed together, a gentleness in his eyes as he nodded slightly. "Maybe you just need to pay a little bit more attention, Jensen. I don't mean that as a criticism. I just think that sometimes, you're looking past the people around you for the next best thing."  
  
The words cut to the quick. But Jensen couldn't deny it, not really. He hadn't known all the people around him. He felt a little like he'd taken Jeff's friendship for granted. They had both enjoyed it, but Jeff was right, Jensen hadn't really been focused on the people that were right in front of him.  
  
"Jensen?"  
  
"Just thinking. Jeff, listen. I'm really sorry." Jensen leaned on his desk and stared straight into his friend's eyes. "I wasn't seeing what was right in front of me. I  _get_  that now. I do. And I'm not going to make any promises that I can't keep. But, I want to be a good friend. If you'll still have me."  
  
The smile on Jeff's face was warm and familiar. "Never a doubt in my mind that we would stay friends, Jensen."  
  
The two men smiled at each other and then there was another knock on the door and Danneel poked her head in. "Mrs. Kensington is in exam room three."  
  
"Thanks, Dani." Jensen took a deep breath and blew it out as he stood. "Duty calls."  
  
"Was good to see you," Jeff said. He straightened his jacket, stood and walked to the door with Jensen.  
  
"Want to do something tonight? Grab a drink?" Given that Jensen wanted to prove that he could be a great friends, drinks seemed to be a good place to start.  
  
Jeff scratched at his cheek then smoothed his hand over his stubble. "Nah. I can't. Maybe later this week. I've got something I gotta do tonight."  
  
Jensen was a little disappointed. It had been a long time since he and Jeff had just had a relaxing evening. Hell, it had been way too long since Jensen had just had fun with the man. "Sure," He said finally. "Later this week is fine. Just give me a call."  
  
Jeff clapped his hand on Jensen's shoulder then headed off down the hall to reception.  
  
Mrs Kensington's file was in the pocket on the door of the examination room. Jensen flipped to the first page to see Danneel's small, neat handwriting.  _Possible yeast infection._  Jensen shook his head. It wasn't the most auspicious way to finish off his afternoon.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
When Jensen finally got home from the  _light_  afternoon that Danneel had booked for him, he was exhausted. He'd sent Dani home early after getting her to promise he could take her out for dinner on the weekend. There was a new Thai restaurant in town and Jensen had been wanting to try it.  
  
The first thing he did once he got inside was kick off his shoes and let his jacket just slide off his aching shoulders. It fell on the floor behind him and Jensen just walked away from it. There had to be some advantages to being alone in the house again.  
  
Jensen was about to head into the kitchen when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and unlocked it as he yanked the fridge door open. It was a text from Jeff.  
  
 ** _Jeff_** _: Can I ask you something?_  
  
That wasn't the kind of text that Jeff usually sent.  
  
"Carrots," Jensen muttered as he pulled a couple out of the bundle that was in the crisper. He took a bite then texted Jeff back.  
  
 _ **Jensen**_ : _Of course. Anything._  
  
 ** _Jeff_** _: If you'd never met Jared, would there have been a chance for you and I to have a relationship?_  
  
Jensen had been about to bite into the carrot again as he read but he stopped and put it down.  
  
His gut reaction was to phone Jeff. There was far too much opportunity for misunderstanding in a text message. But, there must have been a reason why Jeff had texted. Maybe it just wasn't something he felt comfortable saying out loud. Jensen had experienced a few of those moments himself over the past few weeks.  
  
 _ **Jensen**_ : _Cmon Jeff what's all this about._  
  
 ** _Jeff_** _: Just tell me._  
  
A frown settled on Jensen's face and he opened the fridge again to grab a beer before padding over to the couch.  
  
The night was quickly becoming more stressful than Jensen had expected.  
  
He took a few moments to think it through. The last thing he wanted to do was make anything worse. He'd really felt like they could start fresh and everything would be okay.  
  
 _ **Jensen**_ :  _I adore you, Jeff. I do. But, this thing with Jared. I don't know what it was. I know he didn't feel it, but I felt something special. Hadn &#39;t before._  
  
 _ **Jeff**_ : _Why didn't it work out?_  
  
 _ **Jensen**_ :  _Maybe Jared fled for a reason. Maybe he knew what kind of an emotional wreck I am._  
  
Jensen nodded to himself, satisfied with his answer, then flopped down on the couch.  
  
 _ **Jeff**_ :  _Thanks for telling me the truth._  
  
 _ **Jensen**_ _: I want you in my life. Your friendship is important to me._  
  
The beer was cold and a little hoppy and it was soothing on Jensen's throat as he swallowed. He was starting to expect the unexpected. It was, after all, a little bit weird that Jeff's question hadn't even surprised him.  
  
Beer in hand, Jensen grabbed the remote off the coffee table and turned the TV on.  
  
The light flicked all around the room and Jensen realized how dark it had gotten. But, the room was warm, Jensen's feet and legs ached. He was too tired to do much else.  
  
He lifted his phone one last time but there was no reply from Jeff.  
  
Setting the phone down, Jensen rubbed at his aching shoulder. It certainly wouldn't be long before he crashed. The really nice thing was that he was going to be knowing that he'd done his best to start down the path to a good friendship with Jeff. And he'd definitely begun to turn things around with Danneel.  
  
It was a start.  
  
And, thinking about Jared, well, that would just take time. And Jensen seemed to have rather a lot of that on his hands.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**


	8. Chapter 8

When Jensen woke up, he was certain that no more than fifteen minutes had passed since he'd gone to sleep. He'd only had one beer so it wasn't like he was hung over or anything. He amused himself for a while by thinking it was just life that had him hungover. He could probably get away with feeling sorry for himself for at least another week.  
  
By the time Jensen arrived at the practice he had managed to shake off most of the cobwebs. It was his turn to pick up coffee and along with those he'd brought a chocolate brownie that Danneel loved. She always claimed it would go  _straight to her ass_ and she always ate it anyway. She would glare at him but he could always see the hint of a smile when Jensen told her she was beautiful, brownie ass or not.  
  
Danneel had already taken a dainty bite of the brownie as Jensen walked to his office.  
  
He spent the morning trying to catch up on patient notes, referrals and journal subscriptions.  
  
Danneel was very good at sorting the priority of his tasks and assigning them a time. There were articles he could read while waiting for a late patient, there were phone calls for between appointments and there was an app on the iPad that contained the journals he needed to review.  
  
There were times when Jensen thought that he should hand his life over to Danneel and have her work her organizational magic on it.  
  
Jensen was surprised when he looked up and saw that it was already lunch time. When he was busy the hours sped by. Danneel would be delighted to hear that.  
  
Yet again, Jensen heard a voice he didn't want to hear as he strode down the hallway. This time, however, he wasn't lucky enough to have stopped  _before_  he rounded the corner.  
  
 _Jared._  
  
Jensen froze  _right_  where he was at the end of the hall. Jared was turned slightly, flowers in his outstretched hand.  
  
Danneel bent over the blooms and inhaled. "Oh, Jared," she exclaimed. "They're beautiful!"  
  
It was strange seeing Jared at the practice. He was misplaced, somehow, an intruder in Jensen's safe world.  
  
But,  _damn_ , Jared looked good. Clearly things were working out well for him. All of his clothes looked new: perfectly fitted jeans, black boots, and a tight royal blue v-neck t-shirt. He even had a casual blazer hanging over his arm.  
  
"You look gorgeous, Danneel."  
  
Jared's voice was steady and low, the sound of it so familiar to Jensen that it was almost painful. It was a step back that Jensen really didn't need.  
  
Moments later, Danneel was telling Jared how good he was looking and smiling. Jared set the flowers down on her desk so he could hold out his arms for a hug.  
  
Jensen had the time span of about three heartbeats to decide what to do. One more step forward and Jared would notice him. They'd have some painful conversation that would result in Jensen feeling even worse about himself.  
  
At the last second, Jensen darted into the waiting room. When he looked around he smiled nervously at the handful of patients in the room. A misguided move, perhaps.  
  
The pretty brunette on the end of the row of seats smiled at him and Jensen dredged through his memory. Kim Rhodes. She was a writer and had broken her ankle skateboarding. Forty-something, and she'd been skateboarding. He kind of admired her spirit.  
  
As he stood there staring, Kim smiled. Her close-cropped brown hair suited the strong angles of her face. "Hello, Dr. Ackles. Lose your way?"  
  
Frowning, Jensen shook his head then smiled shakily when he realized she was joking. "Oh. No. No. I - there. I was checking the temperature." He swung his hands through the air and tried to look concerned. "Temperature," he repeated for good measure.  
  
Kim let out a short laugh then glanced behind Jensen. "And how is the temperature out here, Dr. Ackles?"  
  
Jensen's brow furrowed and he nodded. "Not too bad, Ms. Rhodes. Warmer than I thought."  
  
This time, Kim didn't even try to hide her laughter. "Is there someone at reception you're hiding from?"  
  
"Hiding?" Jensen's eyes widened and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Not hiding. I just - it's a long story." He gave his head a slight shake and couldn't help liking the woman.  
  
"Is this about a man?" There was a twinkle in Kim's eyes.  
  
Wordlessly, Jensen stared for a few moments and then the smile crept onto his lips slowly. "Am I that transparent?"  
  
"All the hot ones are gay," Kim said quietly.  
  
The absurdity of the situation caught up with Jensen and he broke out in a grin. It really was ridiculous. "I wanted him; I was never on  _his_  radar though."  
  
Kim hmm'd and looked a little surprised. "Dr. Ackles, I always thought you were more perceptive than that."  
  
"Perceptive?"  
  
"Well, I think he probably  _really_  likes you," Kim said firmly.  
  
With a shake of his head, Jensen shrugged. "Too old for him to be interested."  
  
"Old?" Kim scoffed. "You're just a baby. But - it's okay."  
  
"Is it now?" Jensen 's smiled returned. It was too bad that Kim was a patient because Jensen thought she'd be great to share a bottle of wine with.  
  
"Well, there's a  _very_  tall, rather strapping man standing behind you. Long hair…" She leaned forward and whispered a little too loudly, "He's hot and he has flowers for you, I think."  
  
When Jensen closed his eyes, heat rushed down his body.  _Awesome_ , was the only word to sum it up. Now, he would get to be embarrassed in front of Jared  _and_  his patients.  
  
Something a little painful gripped Jensen's heart and after a wry smile at Kim he turned to face Jared.  
  
The man looked even better up close. He looked well; his cheeks had caught the sun. Naturally, his  _stupid_  soft, shiny and floppy hair was all over the place. Jensen curled his fingers into his palms so he wouldn't reach up to brush it back off Jared's forehead.  
  
"Hi, Jensen."  
  
"Jared. Nice - nice to see you." Jensen's smile wavered a little as he tried not to make eye contact. If there  _was_  a god, he hoped he would be spared that final humiliation.  
  
"You look great. Always liked you in the coat." Jared gestured to the lab coat with Danneel's flowers.  
  
All the heat in Jensen's body was racing up to his cheeks and he really wanted to beat a hasty retreat to his office. "Danneel should put those in water. She loves flowers. It was sweet of you to bring them for her."  
  
Kim's laughter stopped Jensen's verbal trainwreck and Jared glanced over at the woman before looking back at Jensen. "Jensen?"  
  
Jensen closed his eyes and there was no  _way_  he was going to open them. "Yeah?"  
  
"Jensen," Jared said more firmly and Jensen's eyes popped open instantly.  _Damn, Jared._  
  
He really hadn't wanted to look into those eyes. Before he could say anything Jared thrust the flowers against Jensen's chest. "They're for you," he said a little breathlessly as though relieved to finally say it.  
  
While Jensen's fingers curled around the bunched stems he smiled a little. They  _did_  smell good. "Thank you."  
  
Looking a little relieved, Jared shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "And I wanted to-"  
  
"Don't. No," Jensen said too quickly and a little too loudly. But he just couldn't listen to another apology. Jared had done the right things. When he'd realized Jensen wanted more he'd left quickly. Now, he had a little distance from it; Jensen thought it was more of a kindness than anything else. "No more apologies."  
  
Jared looked a little defiant but he let go of the flowers. "I didn't come here to apologize. I came here to ask you out."  
  
"Well, okay," Jensen said but then the words actually sunk in. "Wait. What?"  
  
"Like I said," Kim muttered from behind Jensen.  
  
Blinking a few times, Jared leaned to the side a little and smiled at Kim. "Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Jared."  
  
"Kim. And, I'm going back to being quiet so my doctor doesn't try to stab me with a scalpel once we're alone."  
  
There was a puzzled smile on Jared's face and then his attention was back on Jensen. "You can say no. I just. I wanted to be out of there before I asked. Equal footing, you know?"  
  
It was hard for Jensen to keep breathing. There was a part of him that was sure he was hearing things wrong or he'd finally stressed himself out to the point where he was flat out hallucinating.  
  
Danneel appeared behind Jared. "Kim? Come with me." She looked a little confused when her eyes fell on her boss. "Dr. Ackles?"  
  
When Kim stood she patted Jensen on the shoulder then looped her arm through Danneel's. "See you in a few minutes."  
  
As the two women walked down the hall, Jensen tried to swallow.  
  
"So," Jared said a little quieter. "It's a  _no_  then."  
  
Jensen clutched the flowers a little closer to his chest. "No. I mean, yes."  
  
Jared's eyebrows lifted and he shrugged then shook his head in confusion.  
  
"I want to," Jensen said softly. He finally managed a smile and Jared looked relieved.  
  
After a quick look over his shoulder, Jared grabbed Jensen's wrist and pulled him around the corner back into the hallway. He was still hanging on to Jensen when Danneel clicked past in her heels.  
  
"Boys," she said as she passed.  
  
Jensen's head was spinning.  
  
"It's not too soon, is it?" Jared asked.  
  
"Too soon?"  
  
"For us. I know you and Jeff just ended things. Well, ended a part of your friendship. If you need more time to be okay with that then no problem. Jeff, well, he read me the riot act last night. Fortunately, Danneel warned me he was going to. He stopped by here to ask for advice and she figured I could use a heads up."  
  
That strange thing was happening in Jensen's mind again where pieces of a puzzle were slotting into place. "Jeff made you come here?"  
  
Inching closer, Jared smiled and shook his head. "God, no. He came over to tell me what a great man you were, how you were amazing, sweet, kind, funny and about a thousand other things. And when I told him that I knew all that he suggested that I…" Jared made quotes with his fingers in the air … "get off my ass and do something about it before you moved on."  
  
 _Oh, Jeff._  
  
"I would have waited a bit longer," Jared said weakly. "Jensen?"  
  
"Yes?" Something on the flower stems was digging into Jensen's palm and he tried to loosen his grip a little.  
  
"Just so we're clear on things," Jared began slowly. "I want to see you. Do you? Want that?" Jared's long fingers loosened their grip on Jensen's wrist and slid down to grasp his hand.  
  
With a sigh, Jensen nodded. "Yes, Jared. I want that a lot."  
  
He recognized relief as it softened Jared's eyes. The smile on his face was kind of amazing and sent a little zing of pleasure straight through Jensen.  
  
All Jensen could do was nod. He brought the flowers up to look at them again then smiled at Jared. "Pulled out all the stops, didn't ya?"  
  
Jared's laugh was genuine, warm and full and wrapped around Jensen's heart like a blanket of warmth.  
  
"I missed you," Jensen managed to say.  
  
Jared pulled Jensen closer and leaned forward slightly so his lips were  _right_  beside Jensen's ear. "I've missed you a lot."  
  
And then his lips pressed to the tender skin just before Jensen's earlobe. "Tell me you're free tonight, Jensen."  
  
At first, all Jensen could do was nod. The sweetly clean scent of Jared's hair was making him a little dizzy. Or maybe it was the way Jared had woven their fingers together as though he had no intention of letting go. "Yes."  
  
"I'll pick you up at eight. Wear something nice." Jared's lips ghosted over Jensen's cheek and then Jared stepped back. His smile had darkened a little, in a way that made Jensen's lick his lips.  
  
Jared's gaze followed Jensen's tongue and then he pulled away, fingers lingering before he finally let go of Jensen's hand. "Eight."  
  
As Jared walked backwards towards the waiting room, Jensen nodded. "I'll be ready at eight."  
  
Jared nodded once more then turned and walked out through the waiting room.  
  
LIke magic, Danneel appeared around the corner. "Ms. Rhodes is in Exam Two awaiting the results of Jared's question, Doctor."  
  
Rolling his eyes, Jensen held out the flowers. "Jared brought me flowers, would you mind putting them in water for me?"  
  
Danneel was positively beaming. "My pleasure."  
  
Chuckling quietly, Jensen headed down the hall and tapped on the exam room door before opening it and walking in.

  
**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It was only seven PM but Jensen was already a wreck. Half an hour earlier he'd been staring helplessly into his closet with no idea what  _wear something nice_  meant.  
  
His phone had rung when he'd been about to throw all his shirts back into the closet and start over.  
  
It was Jeff who had been on the phone and Jensen had never been more relieved. When he'd realized how anxious he was, his first instinct had been to call Jeff but it seemed like far too much to ask.  
  
But, Jeff, being Jeff, had asked if Jensen needed him to come over. Jensen was far too weak to refuse the offer.  
  
As soon as Jeff arrived at the front door, Jensen yanked it open.  
  
"Jensen, you're wearing sweats," Jeff said as he chuckled quietly.  
  
"I don't know what the  _fuck_  to wear. It's like being a teenager all over again and worrying about a dance or something. Do they even still do that? Dances? I don't-" Jensen was, rather suddenly, speaking into the warmth of Jeff's palm. His eyes widened.  
  
"Jensen. Get your nerves under control before you go out on your date and start chattering like a squirrel."  
  
Jeff laughed when Jensen did his best to look indignant. "Inside," Jeff ordered.  
  
Once inside, Jeff shrugged out of his leather. "Where is he taking you?"  
  
"I don't know," Jensen said sullenly. "All he said was, 'wear something nice'. Who says that? What does it even mean?"  
  
"Jensen, get a grip." Jensen headed down the hall towards Jensen's bedroom. "You still got those black, kinda shiny jeans?"  
  
For a couple of seconds, Jensen had to process that Jeff knew what kind of jeans he had.  
  
He must have had a curious look on his face when he joined Jeff in the bedroom because his friend laughed. "What? They made your ass look  _great_. Don't make like it bothers you now."  
  
"Don't objectify me," Jensen dead panned.  
  
Jeff just laughed harder. He began flipping through Jensen's shirts as Jensen headed over to the dresser.  
  
"I just want this to go right," Jensen said. He yanked a drawer open and flipped through his jeans until he found the ones Jeff suggested. At least they were clean.  
  
"You'll look fantastic and everything will go well. Ah! This one." When Jeff turned to face Jensen he was holding a linen silk weave shirt. It was dark green, had a button V-neck and silk banding on the shoulders.  
  
Despite the fact that he was a nervous wreck, Jensen nodded. "I  _do_  like that shirt. It feels nice."  
  
Jeff nodded; his fingers moving slowly on the edge of the sleeve. "Okay," he said finally. "Put this on and the jeans. You'll need those Italian socks I gave you for Christmas and your black leather shoes."  
  
Not surprisingly, Jensen felt better as soon as he had a plan. He kicked out of his sweats and pulled on the jeans. They were tighter than he remembered and he had to wriggle around a little to pull them up.  
  
Something thunked on the top of the dresser and Jensen looked up to see Jeff going through the top drawer. "What are you looking for, Jeff?"  
  
"That leather band you wear sometimes."  
  
"MIddle drawer in the black box." The shirt slid down over Jensen's head and he smoothed his hands over his chest. The shirt _did_  feel good. The thought of Jared running his hands over the material nearly sent Jensen into a tailspin all over again.  
  
"Here, found it." The drawer slammed shut and Jeff paced over and sat down on the bottom of the bed. He held up his hand so Jensen could take the jewelry.  
  
"Thanks," Jensen said. He slid the band over his wrist and after a few unsuccessful attempts at fastening it, he simply held his arm out towards Jeff.  
  
"You're going to be fine," Jeff said gently as his fingers moved over the wristband.  
  
"I haven't gone on a lot of real dates," Jensen murmured. Doubting himself was a new feeling for Jensen. It wasn't that he was nothing but a walking ego but it was different since Jared. Before, he'd only worried about the evening at hand, not the day that would follow. Everything felt like it was the opposite of that now that Jared was in the picture.  
  
"Jensen. He already likes you. You  _know_  that. He's been through absolute  _hell_  and something about  _you_  pulled him through that; made him take another chance.  _You_ , Jensen." Jeff's eyes were intense, his jaw set and he looked straight into Jensen's eyes.  
  
The warmth of Jeff's words calmed Jared and he breathed a little steadier. There was something truly remarkable about Jeff. Jensen wasn't sure he'd ever meet anyone like him again.  
  
"Jeff. Listen. Everything that we've been through is just insane. We've been friends for  _so_  long." Jensen's voice broken and he rubbed at his mouth.  
  
"Don't, Jensen," Jeff said roughly. He finally looked away and dragged his palm down his face slowly.  
  
"Just want to say, thank you," Jensen said. Before Jeff could put him off again, Jensen leaned down and pressed a kiss to Jeff's cheek. There wasn't anything else he could do or say that would truly express what he felt for his friend.  
  
"Okay," Jeff said warmly. He curled his hand over the side of Jensen's neck, his thumb rubbing gently along his jawline. "Now. Do that thing you do with your hair that makes it a little messy, and don't use cologne. You smell amazing."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
At exactly five minutes to eight the doorbell rang.  
  
Jensen shot up off the couch. "That's him."  
  
Jeff began to laugh and tried to be as quiet as he could. "Answer the door then."  
  
Jensen hurried over to the door and then paused to smooth his shirt down again.  
  
"Door," Jeff said firmly.  
  
As soon as Jensen pulled the door open he could feel the cool evening air. He didn't feel very much after he saw Jared.  
  
His  _date_  was wearing dark slacks and a crisp white shirt. His chest was split by a blue/green tie that was a little reminiscent of his eyes. Boots and a black pea coat completed a look that left Jensen a little breathless.  
  
"Hi, Jared."  
  
"Wow," Jared said softly. "You look - you're hot." Looking a little sheepish, Jared stepped forward and pressed his lips to Jensen's cheek. His fingers slid down the smooth material of Jensen's shirt longingly before he stepped back.  
  
Jensen wetted his lips and gave in to the urge to comb his fingers through Jared's hair to sweep it to the side. "You look … fantastic."  
  
Reb bloomed on Jared's clean-shaven throat as he looked down shyly. "Thanks, new clothes."  
  
"Same Jared, though," Jensen teased. After a deep breath he reached over to pull the closet door open. His wool blazer would be perfect.  
  
Jeff came into the entrance way already wearing his leather. "Hey, Jared."  
  
If Jared was surprised to see Jeff at the house, he didn't let it show on his face. "Hi, Jeff. How are you doing?"  
  
"Good." Jeff nodded and pulled his keys out. "I guess I'll be going."  
  
Jensen slid his arm into his jacket and smiled warmly at Jeff. "Thanks again, Jeff."  
  
"No problem." Jeff squeezed Jensen's shoulder as he headed to the door. He stopped at Jared's side and looked up at him.  
  
"Night, Jeff."  
  
"Jared, don't break his heart because I will be forced to come up with a non-violent way to deal with you."  
  
Looking suitably intimidated, Jared confined himself to a nod.  
  
"Have fun, kids." Jeff headed out and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Well, that was terrifying," Jared said. He laughed nervously.  
  
Jensen nodded but couldn't keep himself from smiling. It wasn't like Jeff would  _actually_  do anything. At least, Jensen didn't think he would.  
  
Jared locked eyes with Jensen. His gaze was fierce and Jensen was a little taken aback. Arousal slithered up his body and tightened his throat until it force him to gasp.  
  
"Ready?" Jared took Jensen's hand and reached behind him to open the door.  
  
 _Ready as I'll ever be._  "Yeah, let's go," Jensen said as he tightened his hand on Jared's.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
It turned out that Jared had borrowed  _the roommate's_  car. As suspicious as Jensen was of Jake, he had to admit that the car was slick.  
  
It was a 1970 Ford Mustang with 290 Horsepower and 290 ft-lb of torque. Jensen had  _no_  idea what that meant but he had found it  _really_  hot that Jared did. Watching Jared describe the car, the engine and some of the modifications was almost pornographic and  _that_  was only the first fifteen minutes of the date.  
  
Jared surprised Jensen with reservations at Hillcrest. It was the best steakhouse in the city. Although Jensen had never been there he'd certainly heard about it.  
  
He felt a little guilty about it. Jared had said, up front, that he was paying for everything. The declaration had resulted in a well-mannered argument; but Jared had assured Jensen that he made enough at his new job to cover it. Jensen didn't pursue it because, frankly, the last thing Jared needed was a parent.  
  
His personal theory was that dating meant they had to be on equal footing. It just felt right.  
  
They arrived on time for their reservation and were seated at a perfect table overlooking the water. Apart from a few moments when Jensen had trouble believing the evening was real, everything went really well.  
  
The food was fantastic. They had steak - Jensen always loved a good steak. Jared ordered a very good bottle of wine and they they just talked.  
  
They talked about Jared's new job, the house in comparison to the apartment. Jensen told Jared about some of his funnier patients from the day and Jared explained about the work that he was doing.  
  
It was different from the many nights they'd spent together at the house. Maybe it was the way they were  _starting over_. Maybe, everything was just going the way it always should have gone. Whatever the explanation, it mattered very little to Jensen.  
  
They laughed, they smiled and they definitely flirted and it all combined to leave Jensen breathless by the time they were finished dinner.  
  
Jensen wouldn't really be able to recount exactly what they had spoken about or which phrases had made him laugh the most. He just knew that being with Jared made him happy and he really wasn't sure that he'd ever been happy before.  
  
Jared took care of the bill while Jensen waited outside in the crisp evening air. The stars were  _so_  bright that Jensen found himself just gazing up at them. He was still standing there, face upturned when Jared came outside.  
  
The heat of Jared's body was perfect. Jensen sighed and leaned back against Jared's firm chest. "Hi."  
  
"Hi," Jared murmured against Jensen's ear. Strong arms circled around Jensen's body and held him close.  
  
"Thank you. Tonight was …" When words failed him, Jensen shrugged weakly.  
  
Jared murmured his agreement against Jensen's ear sending a shiver down his body. "Is it over already?"  
  
"Is what over?" Jensen smiled and turned his head slightly so Jared's lips ghosted across his cheek.  
  
"Tonight. You want me to take you home?"  
  
Jensen closed his eyes and focused on the way Jared's arms felt wrapped so tightly around him. In a way, it was possessive and Jensen was surprised how much he liked it.  
  
"Yeah. I want you to take me home," Jensen said softly. "But I want you to stay. This time I want you to stay. This time I'm asking because  _I_  want it."  
  
The one night they had spent together felt like it had happened a million years in the past.  
  
Jared nodded against Jensen's cheek. "Okay."  
  
Just like that. It seemed so strange that the things that had been so convoluted and impossible had become gentle and endearing and full of promise. "All this because I hit you with my car."  
  
"Jensen?" The kiss that Jared touched to Jensen's cheek was soft and a little overpowering at the same time.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're not going to run me over again, are you?"  
  
Jensen laughed and reached up to grab Jared's wrist. "I won't, I promise."  
  
"Good, let's go then."  
  
There was a tone in Jared's voice that sent a thrill skittering along Jensen's skin.  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
The house was dark when Jensen pushed the door open. He stepped inside and heard Jared close the door and lock it behind them.  
  
He'd missed the way the house felt with Jared in it. It was a little more full, a little closer to  _whole_.  
  
Jared's fingers smoothed down the back of Jensen's neck then curled over the collar of his jacket to ease it off his shoulders. After a few seconds, it fell to the floor between them and Jensen heard Jared kick it aside. But then he could only focus on the hands that were warm through the cool material of Jensen's shirt.  
  
"Love the way this feels on you," Jared said in a low voice.  
  
Jensen could hardly swallow. The intensity of the touch sent his heart racing, thunder-loud blood was pulsing in his ears.  
  
"You staying here tonight?" Jensen had tried not to ask, he really had.  
  
"Dr. Ackles, isn't it a little early for that?"  
  
Even though there was a smile on Jared's face, Jensen had no idea if it was joke. For the first time since Jared had picked him up, Jensen felt unsure of his footing.  
  
"Jensen." Jared lifted his hands to settle on either side of Jensen's neck. "I was just teasing; I really want to stay."  
  
Relief brushed aside Jensen's anxiety and he closed his eyes for a moment.  
  
"Sometimes, I think you're just as broken as I am, Jensen."  
  
Jared's voice seemed a little sad, burdened. But then, as good as everything seemed for Jared on the surface, he was still healing and would be for a very long time. Maybe they both were.  
  
"Why did you leave without telling me?" Jensen asked reluctantly.  
  
"Now,  _that_  I can answer," Jared said lightly. "Jeff."  
  
"Jeff?" Jensen frowned. He'd thought that he'd been clear about his relationship with Jeff.  
  
"I saw the way he looked at you. And you seemed so great together. Honestly, I was a little jealous and it was really bad timing." The explanation came smoothly and Jensen could see it was the truth.  
  
"You know we're friends."  
  
"I do," Jared answered easily. "Now. And now I have a little more control over what's going on in my life - or where I need my life to go."  
  
"Long road?" Jensen asked. He tilted his head slightly and waited for Jared to choose the direction they would take.  
  
"Long road," Jared agreed. "But if it's okay with you, I want this. I want  _us_. I can't promise everything will go smoothly. Hell, I can't even promise it will work." Jared smiled and leaned down to brush his lips along Jensen's.  
  
It felt like things were still undecided and Jensen shifted back slightly. "That didn't end on the best note-"  
  
"I want this. I don't care if it's hard sometimes. Do you?"  
  
Jensen shook his head then his eyes widened when he realized he didn't know exactly which statement he was disagreeing with.  
  
For some reason, Jared started to laugh.  
  
"It's not funny! You said two completely different things-"  
  
Jared stepped forward and covered Jensen's mouth with his. All the distance between them was gone and Jared's arms were wrapped tight around Jensen again.  
  
All the protests fled Jensen's mind and he was completely absorbed in the heat of Jared's mouth.  
  
The kiss deepened and Jensen felt the muscles in his legs weaken. Jared's tongue slid past his lips and Jensen moaned.  
  
The sound was like a switch flipped on Jared's control. His huge hands landed  _heavy_  on Jensen's hips, fingers digging in roughly.  
  
Pushing forward, Jared let out a small growl. Jensen had no choice but the stumble back.  
  
The wall came up quickly behind Jensen and he flinched when he slammed back against it.  
  
"Sorry," Jared murmured against Jensen's lips. He slid both hands up Jensen's sides, then down his arms as though he was trying to learn every single inch of Jensen's body.  
  
There was something profoundly intense about the way Jared touched him. It was like the first time all over again - only better. It was so much clearer and Jensen's entire body shuddered as Jared's hands kept moving.  
  
Drawing back, Jared took in a desperate breath. His hands finally fell away from Jensen's body and they were trembling.  
  
"Scared?" Jensen asked softly.  
  
"Yeah. You?"  
  
Jensen nodded. He reached for Jared's hand, wore their fingers together and tugged Jared Jared down the hall.  
  
"I get the side of the bed closest to the window." Jensen smirked as he looked back over his shoulder.  
  
"I like the window open," Jared countered.  
  
"I can live with that." Jensen's heart was going crazy in his chest, his mind spinning with thoughts about a future he was starting to believe might be a possibility.  
  
"I'm keeping my apartment," Jared said as they neared the bedroom door.  
  
Jensen dropped Jared's hand so he could guard the doorway, keeping Jared outside.  
  
"Good. We're dating, not getting married." It made Jensen feel more than a little foolish that talking about all of the rules was turning him on.  
  
For a few moments, Jared's expression changed, his smile wavered. "I don't. I can't - you can't fuck me."  
  
Completely taken aback Jensen dropped his arms instantly. He blinked a few times, hoping that some miracle would gift him with the right answer. "I - uh, okay."  
  
Jared rolled his shoulders, a nervous tic Jensen had seen so many times before. "I didn't mean to blurt that out. I should have. We should have talked before this."  
  
It looked as though Jared's next move would be a step backwards and Jensen had no intention of letting that happen.  
  
His entire body was vibrating as he reached forward and grabbed two handfuls of Jared's shirt. The cotton was cool but  _God_  the heat of Jared's body was hotter than hell  _just_  underneath the material.  
  
"Not thinkin' of changing your mind, are you?" Jensen smiled then licked his lips. Jared was looking a little dishevelled and it really was a good look for him.  
  
Jared shook his head and looked a little more confident. He let himself be pulled into the bedroom and Jensen felt his worry ease. There would be hurdles.  
  
Jared shucked off his jacket and tossed it onto the chair beside Jensen's dresser. When he reached for his tie, Jensen closed the distance between them again. "Let me."  
  
Jared looked pleased and took a deep breath before lowering his hands slowly. He shoved them into his pockets and shifted his weight onto his back foot.  
  
If Jensen didn't know better he'd think that Jared was looking a little cocky. It didn't look all that bad, though.  
  
Running his tongue over his lips, Jensen trailed a finger down the length of the silk-like tie. "I like this."  
  
"The tie?" Jared's lips twitched into a teasing smile as his hands pulled out of his pockets and found their way back to Jensen's hips.  
  
The knot slid free under Jensen's nimble fingers and he pulled hand over hand until the tie unlooped from Jared's neck. "I like the whole outfit," Jensen said quietly.  
  
Jared's thumb was travelling back and forth along the cut of Jensen's hip bone. It was infuriatingly  _hot_  and Jensen's fingers moved faster.  
  
The tie fell to the floor and Jensen worked the buttons open on the crisp, white shirt. "You make me a little crazy."  
  
"Well," Jared said gruffly. "We're even then." As Jensen reached the last button he tugged the shirt open. He couldn't resist sliding his hand up the centre of Jared's muscular chest. The flesh was smooth and hot and muscles tensed a little under his touch. He moved his fingers over the fine dark hairs and stared up at Jared's heavy-lidded eyes.  
  
Things began to move faster. Jared spun Jensen around to guide him down onto the bed then he slipped his fingers under the hem of Jensen's shirt to pull it up and off.  
  
In return, Jensen stretched up from where he sat to push Jared's shirt down off his shoulders till he could shake it loose.  
  
There would be clothes everywhere in the morning and it made Jensen smile.  
  
He sucked in a sharp breath when Jared took a knee in front of him. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Jared's face. His long lashes stood out against the pink flush on Jared's cheeks.  
  
Jared's hands rubbed up Jensen's thighs and then he was tugging on the leather belt Jensen wore.  
  
The jangle of the belt buckle sent a ripple of pleasure sliding down Jensen's skin. He lifted up off the bed as Jared undid his pants. Once they were pooled at his ankles, Jared slipped Jensen's shoes and socks off.  
  
The balance of advantage seemed to have ended up in Jared's favor. But then Jared was on his feet, hips at Jensen's eye level and  _that_  was just too much temptation.  
  
Leaning forward, Jensen kissed his way across the dusting of hair on Jared's abs. He kissed the length of Jared's waistband as he fumbled with the button and zipper. All he kept thinking was  _too many clothes._  
  
The dark cotton of Jared's boxer briefs was a perfect contrast to the pale skin of his midsection.  
  
Jensen sat back and watched as Jared toed off his boots and kicked out of his pants. Without the slightest hesitation he pushed Jensen down and crawled over him to lie on the bed.  
  
Laughing softly, Jensen shifted around until he was comfortable on his side. "You're gorgeous."  
  
"I want to keep the light on," Jared said. The pink tip of his tongue sneaked out to sweep along his bottom lip.  
  
"You wanna see me?" That sent a thrill through Jensen and he found it a bit more difficult to draw in a breath.  
  
"Yeah." The tendons in Jared's throat rippled as he swallowed. "Definitely."  
  
Their mouths came together suddenly and Jensen's breath fled his body by way of a pleased groan.  
  
The slow-fast change-up was wreaking havoc on Jensen's body. He was shaking. The frantic way Jared's hands moved over his body was needy and possessive at the same time. Jensen loved it. He could see himself craving it. Damn - touching Jared, having those strong hands on his body was going to be like the most exotic and dangerous thing Jensen had ever experienced.  
  
The heat and weight of Jared's tongue slid  _deep_  into Jensen's mouth. Jensen gave as good as he got - twisting his own tongue around Jared's, sliding it along smooth teeth and slick gums.  
  
His nails dug into the thin cotton that was a second skin over Jared's ass. Groaning as need welled in his chest, Jensen rolled forward, pushing until Jared fell onto his back and Jensen could straddle Jared's slender hips.  
  
" _Jesus_ , Jensen," Jared hissed and Jensen's eyes widened in agreement.  _God_. Jared's body felt good. And the hard line of arousal that was now pressed against Jensen's ass was  _killing_  him.  
  
"I gotta… these-" Jensen let out a frustrated huff and shifted back so he could curl his fingers over the waistband of Jared's underwear. As he tugged them down he watched greedily as the length of Jared's swollen cock appeared.  
  
Jared's entire body arched up off the bed in a graceful twist of pleasure. It was beautiful and slow, like time was decelerating right before Jensen's eyes.  
  
Then Jared was just lying there; his entire body stretched out like it was on display. All Jensen could do was stare; he took in each curve of muscle, each sharp line of a bone or a scar.  
  
Jared shifted a little, maybe a little nervous under Jensen's scrutiny; maybe he just wanted-  
  
" _God_ , Jensen," Jared growled. He sat up and nearly pushed Jensen over as he tried to get the man's underwear off.  
  
Jensen's deep laughter surprised him but it felt good. He groaned as Jared wrestled him over onto his back. He was sure he heard material rip as Jared stripped the underwear off his body.  
  
"All that time I spent agonizing over what to wear," Jensen murmured.  
  
"You complaining?" The smile on Jared's face was partially obscured by his hair. Jensen swept it back and pressed his thumb to Jared's perfect jawline.  
  
"I put a lot of effort into that outfit. I even had to  _Jesus Christ!_." Jensen's brain just seized up the moment he felt Jared's hot palm slide over his bare cock. Already so hard he could feel the throb of his pulse, Jensen felt a weakness settle over him. Pleasure twisted through him leaving heat and shivers in its wake.  
  
Jensen was only aware of his body long enough to feel the length of Jared's fingers curl around the base of his cock and squeeze gently. The pressure made Jensen's vision blur a little. It was almost too much. And at that exactly same time it wasn't nearly enough to quell the longing deep within him.  
  
The wet softness of Jared's mouth was working its way down the middle of Jared's chest. Jensen's fingers slid into the length of Jared's hair. By the time Jared's kisses had laid a path down to Jensen's hip, both men were panting.  
  
Jensen moved his hands restlessly over the flexing muscles in Jared's shoulders. Teeth scraped the length of Jensen's hip bone and he jerked forward into the hint of pain.  
  
The room was warm; Jensen could feel sweat beading on his forehead. When he moved his fingers to the soft hair at the nape of Jared's neck, the hair was damp already.  
  
In the weak light radiating from the bedside lamp, Jensen could just make out a sheen of sweat glistening on Jared's back.  
  
Another slice of pleasure cut into Jensen when Jared slid down to mouth the tender skin of Jensen's inner thigh. He felt his cock twitch, rising toward the heat of Jared's flesh.  
  
Each time Jared's lips moved away from Jensen's skin his body would arch up off the bed as though seeking out more.  
  
"Jared." Jensen was only vaguely coherent. Too much time had passed since he'd first thought about Jared - about kissing him. Then Jared's tongue was rough and hot on the head of Jensen's cock and the last of Jensen's control vanished.  
  
 _God_ , he tried to reach for Jared. He could grasp the man's long chestnut locks, wrap them around his fingers. All the while, Jared kissed, mouthed and bit his way down the length of Jensen's cock and across his hip.  
  
About the time Jensen was going to lose his mind, Jared let out a soft moan and reared back, panting. He sat back on his heels and dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. "You taste really  _fucking_  good."  
  
If Jared had looked hot before, he was bordering on perfect as Jensen stared at him. His lips were a little swollen, red and wet. The flush of desire was painted over Jared's shoulders, around his neck and across his cheeks. Under his long, dark lashes, Jared's gently sloped eyes were almost completely black with arousal.  
  
For a while, Jared just stared. There was an intensity in Jared's gaze that was a little unnerving. Unnerving in the best possible way.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He felt Jared drop to his hands and knees and his eyes snapped open.  
  
Jared crawled up over Jensen's body. Chest to chest,  _finally_ , Jensen found himself trembling. The fever-hot touch of Jared's cock sliding against Jensen's was about as much stimulation as Jensen could handle.  
  
He rolled his hips to get more of the heady feeling.  
  
Graceful and strong, Jared rolled his body to send his hips forward; their cocks sliding together, then apart.  
  
There was no way for Jensen to stay still. His hand migrated down Jared's broad back, fingers finally reaching the muscular globes of Jared's ass.  
  
The next time Jared's hips pushed forwards, Jensen scratched his nails over the smooth flesh of Jared's ass. "God," he murmured.  
  
So much sensation flooded Jensen that he lost track of what was happening. It was as though Jared was everywhere. He sank his teeth into Jensen's collarbone as one hand slid up the underside of Jensen's arm until he could weave their fingers together and pin Jensen's hand to the mattress above his head.  
  
The frustration of being held was nothing compared to the fire that burned through Jensen as he struggled against Jared's strong grip.  
  
It felt to Jensen as though there wasn't enough air in the room but when he opened his mouth to protest Jared's lips captured his again.  
  
The kissing was faster, rougher, more intense - wet and  _Christ_ , there wasn't a part of Jensen's body that wasn't humming with pleasure.  
  
Jensen's free hand clung to Jared's solid shoulder. His body stretched up; his spine bowing towards the man above him.  
  
A cool, wet finger slid down the underside of Jensen's cock and he shuddered; the fingers closed on Jensen's flesh again and squeezed both of his balls. As Jensen moaned and writhed, Jared rolled the aching flesh under his deft fingers. The slick digit reached Jensen's tight hole and he started.  
  
Jared rolled to the side off Jensen's body. He whispered soothing words against Jensen's ear until Jensen turned towards the voice. His lips slid over Jared's  _just_  as a long, thick, finger breached his tight ring of muscle.  
  
The discomfort of the invasion was kissed away and soon Jensen was trembling with want. He lost track of everything. All he knew was the steady press and pull of Jared's fingers stretching him open. The grip Jared's had on Jensen's hand was tight and reassuring. When Jared wasn't kissing Jensen, he was moaning dark and thick. His voice was low and rough, honey-sweet when those lips were right against Jensen's ear.  
  
Quite suddenly the finger was gone and an arm snaked over Jensen's waist.  
  
About to protest, Jensen tore away from the kiss then found himself rolling forward onto Jared's hips.  
  
The room spun a little as Jensen swayed back and forth. He sat there for a few heartbeats. Jared's hands gripped Jensen's hips, thumbs digging  _hard_  into the tender flesh.  
  
On his back again, Jared arched up slightly to shift Jensen's weight a little higher. "Still with me?"  
  
Jensen laughed - it sounded too thin and far away. When he was finally able to focus on Jared's face, he growled and nodded.  
  
Jared's cock was thick and blistering hot where it was nestled in the crack of Jensen's ass.  
  
Pushing up onto his knees, Jensen stretched lazily, hoping that Jared was watching.  _Of course_  he was. That intense hazel gaze never wavered and Jensen bit down hard on his bottom lip. He reached behind him to clasp Jared's thick arousal.  
  
Jensen had been fucked before but  _never_  by someone built like Jared. The come-slick head of Jared's cock slid along the furrow of Jensen's ass. He leaned to the side and picked up a bottle of lube. Jared was pretty resourceful after all.  
  
He squirted some in his palm and reached underneath his body again to slide the cool liquid along Jared's shaft. The look on his lover's face was priceless. He had closed his eyes immediately, his sweet lips had parted as a puff of air left his lungs. Jensen just didn't want to wait anymore, so he didn't.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes tightly as the broad head of Jared's cock breached his hole. He sucked in a sharp breath and hissed as the dull, aching pain came and went in pulses. So perfect, so hot, that Jensen knew he wouldn't last long. The pain began to leave as soon as he relaxed and gave himself over to the feelings that were ripping through him.  
  
Jared's hands slid up Jensen's sides, down his chest, kneaded his muscles. Jensen could only smile weakly at the tenderness.  
  
Each time Jensen sat back slightly, Jared's rigid cock slid a little deeper. Jensen felt drunk, his vision was swimming and his lips felt a little numb. All of his muscles relaxed a little as Jared's hands continued their soothing journey over his flesh.  
  
The rise and fall of Jared's chest was steady and Jensen focused on the rhythm for a little while. "Jared," Jensen's throat felt raw and dry.  
  
"You're okay," Jared murmured. His hands were back on Jensen's hips, anchoring him there stradling Jared's narrow hips.  
  
After taking the last of the control from Jensen, Jared arched his back momentarily before propelling his hips up off the mattress.  
  
All of the fiery heat of Jared's cock slipped inside the tightness of Jensen's ass. He thought he cried out at the final intrusion but everything about the entire evening was feeling a little surreal.  
  
Letting himself fall forward Jensen caught himself before he fell right on top of Jared. His fingers were splayed on the mattress just above Jared's shoulders.  
  
Another thrust of Jared's hips made Jensen's vision disappear in a blur of white for a few seconds. All he knew was the pleasure that was ricocheting through his entire body; he trembled with it.  
  
Jared's hair was plastered to his sweat-soaked brow in dark curls, his eyes were a little glazed, breath harsh.  
  
Jensen gave in to the urge to move his hips. He loved the feel of Jared's slick flesh withdrawing then piercing back into his body.  
  
They moved a little faster. Jared's strong hands helped as Jensen's body lifted away from Jared's. Then he would be gripped tighter and forced back down. Each time the thick cock fucked into him, it felt deeper and stronger. Jensen's reality was all Jared, nothing more than the way their bodies were locked together.  
  
All the blood in Jensen's body was sluggish and thick in his veins. Jared's hips began to drive harder, faster and Jensen just tried desperately to hold himself up. Jensen's cock ached, his pulse pounded in his swollen balls. Each time Jared thrust up off the bed, Jensen felt himself nudged closer to coming. He'd wanted Jared for a long time and was still vaguely aware of the relief of  _finally_  having what he'd wanted.  
  
Closing his eyes, Jared let out an, almost guttural, moan as he fucked Jensen's tender ass. His head fell back against the mattress, hair tousled, cheeks ruddy. His hips thrust harder, burying his cock completely with each thrust.  
  
Unable to resist the lure of Jared's glazed expression, Jensen moved his hand along the man's shoulder until he could slide his trembling fingers over Jared's cheek.  
  
Their eyes locked once more and Jensen felt the telltale swell of release building. He rolled his hips, thumb sliding into the heat of Jared's mouth.  
  
"God, Jared I-" Jensen was lost a second later when he came so hard his body lurched forward. As his orgasm throbbed painfully Jensen landed on Jared's broad chest. He could feel the wet heat of come pulsing out of his aching shaft.  
  
Jensen was only able to cling to Jared's shoulders as the man thrust up into his body again and again.  
  
Jared's hand fell on the back of Jensen's skull as his body went rigid. Jensen sucked and kissed the sweat-sticky flesh of Jared's neck as he felt the throb of the man's cock so deep within him.  
  
Their bodies twitched and jerked as pleasure worked through them. Pulse after pulse collided with Jensen until he just let go and collapsed, bonelessly draped over his lover's body.  
  
Sometimes later, Jensen began to become aware of his surroundings again. First, he could feel the dull ache in his ass. Still stretched around Jareds girth, Jensen could feel the burn of it.  
  
Hands moved along Jensen's back; the tender touch made Jensen's lips twitch up at the corners.  
  
Jared's face was buried in the crook of Jensen's neck. His breath was hot against Jensen's neck and Jensen struggled to reach up to tangle his fingers in Jared's hair.  
  
Jensen was more than a little dizzy. He laughed softly as his breathing finally settled back into a more normal rhythm.  
  
He felt Jared's throat work to swallow then lips pressed to his neck as Jared pulled back slightly. "You okay, Jensen?"  
  
"Oh. Yeah." Jensen muttered.  
  
When Jared laughed, his softening cock slid from Jensen's body and both men groaned.  
  
"Wow," Jared said softly.  
  
There was a smile firmly settled on Jensen's face. Reluctantly, he used what little energy he had left to roll off Jared's body. He landed on his back and blew out a breath as he felt Jared's fingers find his once more.  
  
"I may not be able to move for a few days," Jensen grumbled. There were some aches in his body but the heat and pleasure of his release still lingered.  
  
"Does that mean no sex in the morning?"  
  
Jared's voice sounded so plaintive that Jensen laughed some more. He rolled onto his side and rested his chin on Jared's shoulder. "Thank you."  
  
Squinting a little, Jared tried to look down at Jensen. "What?"  
  
"For taking a chance." It wasn't lost on Jensen even in the haze of bliss that still lingered how much Jared had risked.  
  
Jared pressed a gentle kiss to Jensen's forehead. "I should probably  _not_  thank you for hitting me with your car, right?"  
  
Jensen laughed again and flailed a hand around behind him until he found the edge of the quilt and tugged it over their legs.  
  
"Don't leave," Jensen murmured sleepily. "For tonight, I mean."  
  
"I won't."  
  
 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**  
  
  
  
If you haven't already, please check out [](http://blondebitz.livejournal.com/profile)[ **blondebitz**](http://blondebitz.livejournal.com/)  [art master post!](http://blondebitz.livejournal.com/384958.html)  
  
*if there is a time stamp you'd like to see? Feel free to let me know :)  
  
Thanks [](http://blondebitz.livejournal.com/profile)[ **blondebitz**](http://blondebitz.livejournal.com/)  for your patience when life threw me a curve ball on posting day!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to spn_j2_bigbang for running this event every year. Thanks to my friends for their encouragement and my partner for his patience and understanding :)


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